I see where this is going.
I wrote not too long ago about being lazy. Then, I got praise for talking about being lazy, and now, today, I had this idea to write about spending time and money on stuff just because it feels good, and so it kind of looks like I’m moving in the direction of being a feel-good, let’s-do-nothing guru, so maybe soon I’ll just start soliciting donations, trying to expand into the lucrative hedonism market, or perhaps trying to appeal to the shiftless hippie market. (Although, the hippie market is largely penniless, so maybe not.)
Perhaps. Let’s see where this goes.
For now, I’ll just say that I’m embarking on an experiment that I think Tim Ferriss would be proud of, with his whole “let’s work less and Tango more” way of doing things. Tim Ferriss and maybe the folks at Zen Habits, who kindly linked to me two days ago.
Specifically…
I’m asking: How can I radically increase my productivity — not so that I can do more in the time I currently spend, but so that I can do the same amount of stuff in far less time?
I’m asking: How much of this STUFF in my life (tasks, loose ends, mental clutter, paperwork, what-have-you) do I really need?
I’m asking: How much of what I really want out of life in the moment — primarily the emotional states of relaxation, satisfaction, happiness, etc — can I create NOW instead of stressing out now so that I can apparently create them in the future?
There’s posts upon posts upon posts I could (and likely will) write about those three questions and what I’m doing about them, but the last has been on my mind lately because it’s something anybody can do right now, without waiting for permission, and without any training.
Right now, you could decompress and feel better.
Right now, you could have more of what you’re really looking for. Not everything, and not even most things. Not the private yacht, and maybe not the freedom from your job if that’s what you’re after. But you can have some of it, right now.
And that’s a way cool thing to realize.
What I mean
Last year, my well-documented real estate woes were dragging this household down. On average, we had to find $2500 on top of our regular living expenses each month simply to stay afloat. That was the shortfall between what the real estate cost to maintain and what it brought in in revenue.
I wasn’t making tons of money, so this was tough to say the least. Even when my income started to increase, it was nearly impossible to find that much money to throw down a hole, never to see it again.
Imagine being required to take twenty-five $100 bills out of your wallet each month and burn them, and you’ll get the picture.
It was nearly impossible to do that month in, month out, for the better part of two years. But here’s the thing: It was possible. We had to beg, borrow, (but not actually steal) to find that money, but what seemed impossible had to be possible in fact… because we did it.
Interestingly, although we could find that impossible $2500 to throw away, much smaller expenses were far, far harder to afford.
For instance. In the midst of mind-numbing stress, we’d want something fun, like a Wii. But we couldn’t get it, because we couldn’t afford it. How could we? They cost a couple hundred dollars. We didn’t have that to spare.
Robin would get a gift certificate for Christmas to go to a nice place and get her hair done and would say, “I wish I could do that more often”… but of course we couldn’t afford stuff like that, because we had to trim everywhere we could.
I would skip going to Starbucks. Not buy DVDs. We’d watch every penny, because we needed that money to piss away on real estate debt.
Then it hit me. That was fucking idiotic.
How to be totally irresponsible
Each and every month, we were throwing away $2500 on average. THROWING IT AWAY. These investments weren’t recovering; the money was literally going bye-bye, never to appear in our lives again.
We could find money to do that with, but couldn’t free up a measly $150 for a Wii system.
We could burn $18,000 over the course of a year, but couldn’t find $85 for a nice salon job, or $15 for a fucking DVD. Or $4 for a latte.
We had all this pressure to generate money for something we hated, but wouldn’t allow ourselves even the smallest things we enjoyed if it meant laying out cash.
That was bullshit. Taking care of obligations is all fine and well, but refusing to take care of ourselves in order to do it was criminal. We were worth more than a slave’s existence. We were better than simple indentured labor.
When this dawned on us, we slowly began doing things that were really irresponsible. Bit by bit, we pushed. We bought the latte. I’d badger Robin until she’d make an expensive hair appointment. We bought the Wii.
Interestingly, no bad things happened. We were already past red-line, so finding $2600 we didn’t have wasn’t much different from finding $2500 we didn’t have.
And on the flip side, we found that allowing these small comforts made us feel better. Made us a bit more clear-headed. Made us more confident. And at around the same time, I was developing my new “fuck you” attitude. Better moods led to me being able to better tap my resources, to show up more on a day-to-day basis, to come up with solutions to problems that had simply always felt depressing and hopeless. And eventually, with hard work, things started to change for the better.
Coincidence? Maybe. There were a lot of factors at play. But making the mental shift that said, “I’m worth more than this shit” was part of what allowed things to change, in my not-so-humble opinion.
I don’t know how to finish this post
There’s not a huge moral here, and a ton of gray area. If your financial situation is shit, I don’t suppose it’s blanket good advice for everyone to shirk responsibility and buy fun stuff — especially when you consider that a lot of shitty financial situations were created by behaviors like buying the big screen HDTV when you couldn’t afford it.
But I do know that life can beat you up plenty. There can be a lot of people and circumstances on the other side of the fight, struggling against you. If you insist on joining their efforts to destroy you instead of ever fighting on your own side — never pushing back, never opposing those people who are beating you up — then things just get that much harder.
Maybe you shouldn’t buy the Wii. But maybe you should blow off work for the afternoon and go for a walk, because it feels nice and allows you to clear your head.
If you’re in the grocery store and they have cheap floral arrangements and you like flowers, maybe you should spend five bucks to buy a bouquet because it makes you feel good.
If your house is dirty and you really should clean it, maybe you don’t, and maybe you read a book instead.
I can’t tell anyone what to do, and everyone will have to find their own line between “being reasonably responsible” and “stupidly pretending to be responsible while actually crapping on your own head.” And there’s a difference between “giving yourself a break in order to recharge and fight a better fight” and “sticking your head in the sand without actually improving things.”
I can only tell you what I’d do, and what I’ve done. And I’ll tell you here and now, honestly, that if I was still in that $2500 monthly mess and had an opportunity to take a $200 weekend trip that I knew would get me out of my head and improve my mental state, I’d do it even if it meant paying my “responsible” bills late. I’d make “what I have to do” wait until after I’d satisfied at least a little bit of “what I want to do.”
Use this advice with caution, but know this: Life can be an asshole to you sometimes. When it is, don’t insist on always being an asshole to yourself too.
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P.S: In the spirt of The Interactive Offer, about which I had a rollicking good webinar with Clay Collins on Wednesday (you can still get the recording here), I’ve been considering creating a product centering on some way-cool ways I’ve been answering those three “I’m asking” questions near the top of this post. Ways that have reduced the amount of time I’m required to work by 30-40% already, and have drastically reduced my stress levels and cleaned up my mental and physical clutter at the same time.
Would anyone be into me creating a new product or course around that? Any ideas or suggestions, any interest, any what-have-you? Let me know in the comments if so.
The most important point is to spend this money/time on things that we *love* only. so not buying the wii b/c everyone is buying them but only if we would *love* it … going to starbucks not as the default, but b/c we enjoy it so much.
for me, it’s the occasionally triple grande nonfat nowhip mocha. pole dancing class. taking the night off to watch a movie. spending an hour on the phone with a best friend when i “should” be working. going to chicago to visit my bff. all unreasonable things when I “should” be working or saving money or whatever. but all unreasonable things that I freaking love. and that’s what being self employed, that’s what having a lifestyle business, that’s what freedom is all about.
This post was entertaining beyond belief, well done. Loved the H2 “I don’t know how to finish this post”. Similarly, I’m not entirely sure how to respond to this post, other than that you’ve inspired me to not give a shit. Hallelujah.
I’m a huge fan of bloggers/biz-ppl combining and accessing spiritual principles. I call what you’re discussing here The Art of Feeling Better, and it’s a true art like anything, and it’s extremely beautiful and fulfilling. I’ve been considering making a product myself entitled “The Art of Feeling Better” and it would touch on much of what you’re saying, but in a universal-principle-based, spiritual way, and it’d probably look f***ing sexy (cuz thats how I roll)
I know I’d be interested in knowing how I could free up my energy to be even more productive in less time. That’s beautiful.
I know I’d love to know how to create relaxation + satisfaction now. It’s beautiful.
And who needs paperwork and mental clutter? lol. yikes.
Anyway, I found you through a matrix-article on Clay’s site, and I really loved this man. I love articles that talk about faith, having the balls to do what feels good, etc. Keep it up.
It seems I’ve lived on a college budget my whole life. Even when I was married, I maintained that mindset.
A friend was telling me about an attitude of scarcity versus that of abundance.
It’s kind of like jumping into the deep end, but each time I operate from a point of “it’ll be there, the money will come in, quit being so cautious”, it works out.
I can’t explain it.
All I know is this, dammit, a girl just has to have fun once in awhile – and so do her kids.
And I’m tired of hearing my kids say, “Mom. Are you sure we can afford that?” They have heard that too many times from me. Yes, they will be financially conservative, but I hope they learn how to let up a little and have fun and be nice to themselves, too.
I really enjoyed this post. It comes across to me in a very inspiring voice. As I’m reading it, I can’t help, but draw parallels to what David has been writing over a http://heroicdestiny.com
Don’t know if you’re into any Abraham-Hicks (woowoo for most people), but their body of work is based on feeling good; like what if our only job in life is to feel good? It works when I live that way, but I’m still working on doing it more consistently. My $%^# lizard brain starts to freak out and I suddenly find myself getting serious, looking to others and so on, which of course leads to feeling drained and that ain’t pretty!
Love this train of thought; looking forward to more posts on it!
Awesome Sandi, I’d consider mentioning Abraham-Hicks myself. Absolutely FANTASTIC work they do, and I love hearing that other people are into it. I actually translate and share many of their resources for others
You have to pay yourself first man.. If your not happy, everything suffers, even your blog/business.
I have done the same.. have spent money on software or marketing without a thought, yet question spending money on a “sit down” meal..lol It’s is silly when you look at it from the outside.
Great Post..had me laughing and thinking
I think it takes a lot of sacrifice to get where you want to go. But I absolutely agree with you that if you don’t take care of yourself, what is the point of the sacrifice? A week ago I passed up on a purchase that I had been wanting for months because we didn’t have the money. Three days later I spent the same exact amount on something that we hadn’t planned for. I was pissed knowing that I could have had the thing I wanted less than a week before.
That kind of pissed is a huge demotivator. Sometimes you need to reward yourself in order to make things happen. Loved this post.
I think you’re just too far ahead of the spider and getting comfortable.
But I will absolutely take this post as permission for me to flake off today and go hit some golf balls or something.
Great post, Johnny. This reminds me of the personal finance principle of “Pay yourself first.” I could be off base, but at least in my mind it’s a similar mindset. By paying yourself (putting money in your savings account first) you increase your odds of building wealth dramatically. When you try to do the “responsible thing” and pay all your bills first and then try to save what’s left over, there never seems to be anything left over. It’s that type of shift in attitude that can make all the difference in the world.
You can only get by for so long on nothing…and I mean that in the spiritual sense and not the monetary one. By denying yourself again and again and again you’re only setting yourself up for feeling bad in the future. I know that there’s nothing worse in my experience than avoiding those “extras” because I think I can’t afford them. The money ALWAYS comes in. ALWAYS. A project will spring out of nowhere, a old client will call me up…it’s fascinating and useful when I let it happen.
But as you said, you have to be careful with this. This isn’t an excuse to recklessly spend…it’s a way to enjoy the little joys in life and reap the benefits of being joyful. Good post even if you didn’t know how to end it!
Loved this! We’ve been living this way for a while after living for quite some time feeling we could never afford things that made us feel good. No longer! Life is far too short and you can’t take it with you. Funnily enough it is so true that we seem no worse off when we live this way. Magical!
Johnny, definitely interest from me in the answers to the “I’m asking” questions.
On question 3, if you’d like some resources contributed, let me know. (I’m a health and personal development coach and hypnotherapist, and I’m currently creating a course called the Emotional Circuit-Breaker Toolkit for people who are stuck going round on the hamster wheel of negative emotions and want off.)
I’ve already partnered with Catherine Caine, who included some of my material in her Awesome Fear-Wrangling course, and that worked well for both of us.
Yay for you continuing to inspire people to buck against the current trend of sacrificing happiness through self-imposed torture!
I nodded approvingly at the suggestion of buying the $5 bouquet of flowers…when I was being supported by my trusty credit card, I would occasionally whip one of those cheapo bunches into the weekly shopping cart. Why not!? It was only $5 and cheered me up to no end (not only having pretty flowers in the house, but feeling like I could treat myself despite my current situation).
Happy to report that my financial situation is on the dramatic improve, and I am sure that me doing those little things for myself (including buying QTR) helped me through the transition of that time.
Oh, and to your question about your idea on a course about productivity. I would be inclined to purchase something like that from you…I never did make it through Ferris’ 4 hr work week, so if you could condense down all you’ve learned and deliver it to me in your usual no-bullshit style, then that would be fab
Before your change of attitude, was the resistance to buying ‘fun stuff’ wrapped up with how other people would judge you? Because surely, you knew that buying a latte wasn’t going to make the difference between destitution and staying afloat? Money troubles; still a taboo!
Although not to do with money, one of the best examples I’ve ever read for effective, fuck-you, I’m important dammit practices was from Moby. On New Year’s Eve one year, he decided he wasn’t going to be afraid of his inbox anymore, or feel guilt and shame at all the unanswered emails; so he had an email amnesty. He simply deleted the lot, sent an email to everyone in his contacts informing them of this and instructing them to send the email again if it was really important.
I though that was just awesome!
Man, I understand what you are talking about!!! Just keep your faith in your strength up and you will be ok. Stuff like that can be most stressful and managing stress is critical in this situation!
The bottom line here — and I was just talking to my wife about it yesterday — is that I’m through with stress. (The bad kind of stress, I mean.) I’ve made huge sacrifices in the interest of “not having to worry about X anymore,” so I’ve proven to myself that my own peace of mind is more important than just about anything other than my family.
So if I screw something up because I made a decision to be less stressed out, afraid, pissed off, or generally miserable, then in essence I’m saying that it’s a fair trade and fair risk. My sanity matters most.
@Sandi and @Jason – I actually like Abraham-Hicks quite a lot. I listen to a lot of stuff that might be classified as “motivational porn” — stuff that doesn’t appear to have an immediately actionable payoff, but that somehow affects me on a gestalt level and makes me feel like I’m doing something correctly, or that everything is ultimately all right.
@Mike – Thanks, dude… I’ll let you know! It’s very much still at the incubation stage.
@Mandie – The 4 Hour Workweek (and a few other books/philosophies are actually part of the motivation/inspiration for what I’m considering. And “condensing” is what I had in mind, too. Books have to span a certain number of pages, it seems, so there’s a lot of extra stuff in there. I’d essentially tell you what I’m doing rather than show you a zillion ways that things might be done, or a lot of big “whys”.
@Tammy – That might be part of it, but I think it’s more in how I’d allow myself to perceive my own actions, if that makes sense. Even though OF COURSE a $3 latte won’t trump a $2000 debit, you get into that “every cent matters” mentality and can feel guilty about having fun while obligations remain unmet. Well, fuck that.
Something you might be interested in reading is the Millionaire Mindset by Dragos Roua. I do have an affiliate link but it’s just that fantastic I never use it. Weird.
His website is http://www.dragosroua.com
Millionaire mindset is absolutely brilliant. I need to do an official review still but it touches on this. It’s very unconventional in a lot of ways – probably why so many people are not millionaires.
“So if I screw something up because I made a decision to be less stressed out, afraid, pissed off, or generally miserable, then in essence I’m saying that it’s a fair trade and fair risk. My sanity matters most.”
Eff YES. Let’s have more people saying this: “Your sanity matters most.” Do What You Love.
And dude… it totally fits that you know Hicks’ work. I share a lot of their resources/tools for free over at SpiritSentient if you’re interested. ‘Motivational Porn’ haha, I love it
Haha, thanks guys, but I have just about all the “read and review” material, I can handle right now. If you send me more stuff to look at, I’ll frankly just get less and less done!