WARNING: I’m telling you right now that this post has absolutely no relevance to business whatsoever and will be irrelevant to most of you. But it’s the week before Christmas and I’m in a festive, fun mood and kind of don’t feel like talking about money and business. So I’m going to talk about Bakugan. Oh, and there’s an expert interview at the end.
You may remember that a few weeks ago, I talked about how to get what you really want, and the example I gave of “outside the box logic” was my son Austin’s quest to figure out how to get a new Bakugan toy. Well… “What is Bakugan?” you may ask. And yeah, I hear you. What the hell is Bakugan? Because I didn’t get it either. It was a set of toys and it was a cartoon TV show, and it was somehow also a game. Beyond that I was lost.
So I started a bit of an anthropological study to find out more about this obsession of my son’s. I checked out the toys and watched the Bakugan Battle Brawlers: New Vestroia show a few times. And after much research and introspection, I can report my findings to all of you in blogland:
1. Bakugan are balls that turn into things and fight, not unlike how balls cause many human fights (and, ironically, are a weakness in said fights).
2. Bakugan are creatures from another dimension called Vestroia. They came here when someone ripped a fucking hole in the fucking universe, fucking AGAIN.
3. Bakugan are somehow paired with humans, most of whom are androgynous and have gigantic eyes and/or strange eyewear.
4. Said humans solve their interpersonal disputes by throwing their Bakugan forward dramatically amidst exciting graphics. EX: “Meatloaf for dinner AGAIN? Bakugan brawl!” [Exaggerated fight sequence commences]
5. Bakugan exist as floating toys with excellent merchandise tie-ins. If you want to turn them into giant flamboyant monsters, you throw them in an unnecessarily dramatic manner onto cards. This process then generates more exciting graphics.
6. During fight sequences, the human keepers tell the Bakugans what to do by holding up cards in the way a referee at a soccer match would hold up a yellow or red card and yelling, “Ability activate!” and then some other word intended to describe more exciting graphics. Then there are graphics and much yelling. Several times during fights, someone yells “Noooo!” amidst graphics that somehow signify tension. Sometimes the Bakugan are given armor or weapons. When this happens, the parties cease fighting long enough for the receiving Bakugan to star in a brief, 360-degree-showcased transformation sequence not unlike something you might see in Knight Rider reruns.
7. At least 75% of the show is spent in said exciting fight sequences.
8. It is in no way clear why anyone is fighting.
Many questions remained after my study. Why all the brawling? Why. when two people have a dispute, does one never simply punch the other in the groin? Why is everything solved via Bakugan in the same way that pro wrestlers solve even personal fights with pile drivers and leg locks? So, I decided to interview an expert.
This 4 1/2 minute interview with a Bakugan authority should set the rest of the issue straight for anyone with lingering concerns.
Enjoy, and happy holidays to you all. (Regardless of which holiday you choose. Yes, even the weird ones.)
(If you don’t see the player above because you’re reading on Facebook or in a feed, you’ll want to click through to the original post.)