Apparently my baby is having a stroke
So I’ve discovered this really awesome thing recently where it’s impossible to take a picture of my daughter without it looking like she’s having a stroke. It’s just one more irritating thing about digital cameras, the prime one being the way they take photos of action after it’s completed. I think I have a hundred shots of my son after he’s shot a basketball through a hoop and has stooped down to pick it up.
Like everything else about her, this characteristic seems to be growing with time. Here’s one from a few months back:
So not terrible, except that this isn’t what she actually looks like. I promise. She’s actually very cute most of the time. So I tried again:
And right about now, you’re thinking there’s a reason that my avatar has an apple over my face.
Here’s Halloween:
Better, right? And sort of moving in the right direction. Here she just looks kind of drunk, which is probably not even the case.
But then I took this one to show off her new hoodie…
…and it’s apparent she’s been hanging out with those Grateful Dead fans again.
I kind of figured I’m just not trying hard enough. She was eating a marker (great parenting, huh?) and I thought it was cute, so I figured I’d just keep taking shots until I got a good one.
Here’s what I got:
So at this point, it’s pretty clear that she’s fucking with me. I strode forth with bold new determination.
“Hey! Hey, you! What are you hiding?”
And she was like, “Dude, where’s the weed at?”
I’m thinking of starting an album. Maybe submitting to one of those baby photo contests. She’s totally going to sweep the awards, and then she’s going to take the money and go buy like fifty brownies and some Cheetos.
I’ve sort of given up. In fact, here’s next year’s Christmas card:
The funny thing is that she gets it from her brother. He’s got this cool way of smiling where it honestly looks like he has to be having a stroke.
She’s so going to hate me for this in twelve years.