Biden vs. Palin ignores Taco Bell, Hawaii Chair
So last night the two vice-presidential candidates squared off in an epic debate that I found myself with no interest in whatsoever. I was sitting here, on my computer, browsing an online forum. I could hear the voices of the candidates, and my wife yelled back that Palin blinks too much. But honestly, as I find a candidate’s blink speed almost (perhaps entirely) irrelevant in my choice of leadership, the information was useless and really served only to distract me from the Hawaii Chair infomercial I was watching on YouTube:
All of this may sound really irresponsible, but allow me to defend myself: It’s not that I’m apathetic. It’s just that I don’t give a shit.
See, in my opinion, politics is politics. And whereas there will be good leaders and bad leaders, nobody is going to reach the highest levels of politics without being a liiiiiiiiitle bit of an asshole. And personally, I know that aliens have been in charge of the U.S. government since Roswell and that the duly elected human president is always consumed and excreted in alien pod form anyway, which is why you’ll notice that NOT ONE anti-extraterrestrial law has been passed since the 60’s. NOT A SINGLE ONE. So when you think about it, elections are all an exercise in vain anyway, not unlike the Hawaii chair.
The reason for my disinterest is that life always goes on, much like the revolving motor on a Hawaii Chair. And while some things may change, little is going to change that affects me personally, now, today, here, immediately, post haste, imminently, before I finish this sentence. And sure enough, nothing has changed, proving once and for all that the system does not work. Like the Hawaii Chair.
Look – you want to interest me? Then let’s have some real talk.
I’m just going to come right out and say it: Neither candidate has come out in favor of bringing the Taco BellGrande or Cinnamon Crispas back to Taco Bell. It’s an issue that everyone skirts, that everyone has always skirted. I have heard zero debate on the return of the BellGrande and Crispas despite the fact that everyone knows what has to be done – and despite the fact that ordinary tacos are clearly not lengthy enough, nor the inferior Cinnamon Twists crunchy enough.
Yet, Palin and Biden didn’t so much as mention the problem. McCain and Obama have not mentioned the Bell at all, but I’ll bet you $8500 that all four have made a run for the border and noticed the substandard-length tacos and poofy Twists and have been enraged. Enraged! Yet they stand by and do nothing. Like the Hawaii Chair.
I’ll close here. My Hawaii Chair awaits.