Hot talk about murder and suicide

March 12, 2009 by Johnny

My mom is going to be mad at me again for the topic of this one, but I have to explain something and I have to use the word “motherfucker” to do it. And really, let’s just leave it there, with the responsibility off of my back, and ignore the fact that I’m the cause of it all in the first place.

I got a Twitter direct message from filthytombstone this morning letting me know post haste that I may have irritated the minions of Jenny the Bloggess by sending an email to Jenny yesterday with the subject line “You motherfucker.” Here’s the screen capture she posted, of her inbox:

Now, I’m all about warring with other bloggers. I routinely send bombs and pieces of mice to Darren Rowse, and still he shuts his blinds at night while I’m trying to peer in with my telescope. But this one was personal. I really had no choice, and if it irritated her minions, then so be it.

So earlier in the week, I wrote about why pants are more popular than Don Knotts (probably because you can’t wear Don Knotts) and Jenny replied to that post. So I get this email notification in my inbox:

And that meant that she totally took my bait, and I realized for once and for all that putting a link in my blog to her site is indeed like putting up the bat symbol, except that it’s a hairdryer symbol and Commissioner Gordon really doesn’t want anything to do with it.

Then, like two minutes later, I get this:

BACKSTORY: A little while ago, I asked Jenny if she’d put me in touch with someone (you may assume it’s a Nicaraguan gun runner who smuggles panda bladders filled with cocaine), and she sort of did except that there’s a possibility that it was all crap and that she’s just been laughing at me since. I mean, people tell her they’re going to send her pig hearts, so it’s not like I’m in with a stellar crowd and am probably handled as such.

But I figured this was it, and either didn’t notice the “hehe” or figured this was a fairly unprofessional professional. Which — remember the pig heart — was actually pretty likely. I sort of think that if she had an editor or something, it’d be a woman on a levitating slab who was basically Jabba the Hut but who giggled “hehe!” a lot instead of eating rats. Or she could do both.

So I open the message and get this:

And immediately, I’m like, “motherfucker.” So that’s when I fired this off:

I was so worked up over the lack of sexy pics for me in her journal entry after that hot signoff (”Mwah XOXO always”) that I didn’t even notice that the sender had teased me with the irresistible “Police: Man hunted in family slayings kills self.” Had I seen that before being disappointed, I would have had no choice but to send a pig heard instead of just an email. I actually think American Greetings has a line of e-cards for that.

Now let’s see those minions find a way to have a problem with me after reading the explanation.

Mwah XOXO always
:”‘~Johnny~’”:.

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Comments

12 Comments on Hot talk about murder and suicide

  1. Trish on Thu, 12th Mar 2009 3:29 pm

    2. Dude. I don’t know WHERE you’ve been hiding, but don’t you know that anytime you get involved with anything to do with The Bloggess/Jenny, you’re probably gonna wake up hung over, flat broke, and wearing just a pair of flip-flops in some seedy bar down in Tijuana?

    Not that that’s ever happened to me, or anything. Just, you know, I hear things.

  2. Johnny B. Truant on Thu, 12th Mar 2009 3:34 pm

    3. What? I can’t hear anything with this Tijuana tequila hangover.

  3. AnnieH on Thu, 12th Mar 2009 4:29 pm

    4. Always gotta be hangin’ with the Drama Mamas, don’t you?? That is one rough and tumble ride and helmets are suggested.

  4. Trish on Thu, 12th Mar 2009 4:52 pm

    5. I think maybe from now on, JT (or should we call you “QT” from now on?) you should check with us before you engage, well, anyone on the blogosphere. Basically, pretend you’re eight and need permission from your mom(s).

  5. Jenny, Bloggess on Thu, 12th Mar 2009 7:58 pm

    6. To be honest, “you motherfucker” is one of the best subject lines ever. And everyone knows we’re cool because I brought your book with me to the Mom 2.0 Summit. True story. Even up to the podium when I was talking.

    You were there in spirit. Motherfucker.

  6. Johnny B. Truant on Thu, 12th Mar 2009 8:47 pm

    7. The thing I like about blogging is that it’s such good, clean fun.

    It’s good to know I was at the Mom 2.0 Summit. I had been wondering where all of this estrogen was coming from.

  7. filthytombstone on Thu, 12th Mar 2009 11:31 pm

    8. I am totally a tattletale but it was only so I could know wtf that email was about because I am also nosy. WHY DON’T I HAVE MORE FRIENDS

  8. Johnny B. Truant on Fri, 13th Mar 2009 10:43 am

    9. Dude, it’s because nobody likes you. I keep trying to tell you.

  9. Trish on Fri, 13th Mar 2009 12:10 pm

    10. I’d say “takes one to know one”, but then I’d sound like I’m eight.

    So I’ll go with the more erudite, “You suck.”

  10. The Economy Isn’t Happening » Blog Archive » Heeeeere’s Johnny! on Mon, 23rd Mar 2009 10:55 am

    11. [...] See, I kept wondering: Can Johnny B. Truant blog for IttyBiz about learning to make money online? Will doing so confuse his brand as a mindlessly funny guy? I mean, there are funny sports guys. Is it possible to be a funny business guy? A guy who also writes about his kids, his college roommates, his foibles learning German, and his fights with other bloggers? [...]

  11. The Economy Isn’t Happening » Blog Archive » Stupid bloggers always stealing my cheese on Sat, 4th Apr 2009 6:23 pm

    12. [...] refrigerator, stealing your ideas. If it’s not The Bloggess giving out my email address to sexy homicide spammers and stealing my newspaper (don’t try to tell me it’s the kid next door), it’s [...]

  12. Sean Oliver on Fri, 8th Jan 2010 2:29 am

    13. I’d totally use a “motherfucker” subject line to my grandmother. But I can’t. Because she barely uses her LAND LINE.

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