So Thanksgiving time rolls around again and I’m all excited because I’m very interested in gorging myself. But in addition to enduring gastrointestinal distress, this is a day for thanks. And what am I thankful for? Well, a ton of stuff. My family, where I live, and a bunch of other stuff that doesn’t really impact YOU unless YOU are my wife, and in that case, Hey baby, how’s it going?

Tim Brownson just stood up and started to walk in my direction. Sit down, Tim.

But what else am I thankful for? For my clients. My wonderful, intelligent, classy, attractive, and lovely-smelling clients.

So to thank you all, I’m doing a sale on consulting that will only last until Wednesday. That applies to small business consulting and technology coaching both. And if you think I’m cloaking my intentions here and really am just doing a sale to make more money, I have two responses:

1. Yeah, I totally want to make money. Don’t go acting like that’s so surprising.

But also,

2. This really is a sale. Like, I’m fighting with myself about offering this because I’m already strapped for time. What you’re supposed to do when you’re strapped for time is to raise your rates, not have a sale. That’s just plain stupid. So believe me, I’m also tipping my hat to everyone I’ve worked with or who is thinking about working with me, and to everyone who reads what I write.

And in addition,

3. I find it insulting that the kids won’t let the Trix Rabbit have any Trix, and that they’re always stealing from Lucky the Leprechaun. Damn kids.

So what’s the sale?

For today, tomorrow, and Wednesday only, I’m offering my 5-hour consulting/coaching package for $397. That’s $100 off, and at least $600 less than the same package will cost in 2010. If I were a used car salesman, I’d now tell you how craaaaaaaazy I am, but I’m not and I won’t.

I’m not shitting anyone here. This is as rock-bottom as I’ll ever go, so if you’d like to book some Johnny time, now’s your best chance.

Okay, more:

1. You absolutely must peruse my new coaching pages even if you don’t want in on this! They’re so awesome. I just re-did them, after months of waffling with outdated offerings. Mmm, waffles. And congrats, Johnny, for finishing a task.

2. If you do buy the package by Wednesday, I’ll give you three months to use the five sessions. Three months -ish. Say by the end of February.

3. I feel like I should have three things here.

Also, an astounding Black Friday doorbuster sale!

Some time in the past few years, someone decided to name the Friday after Thanksgiving in the U.S. “Black Friday.” This confused me because we already have all of February set aside as Black History Month. Nonetheless, I have contacted Sean Oliver, the black Johnny Truant, and he says it’s okay for me to celebrate it even though I’m white.

So I’m going to just tell you now that I’ll have a special deal on Friday, and you may partake no matter what race you are. We’re all about inclusion here.

So, got it?

>> From now until Wednesday, five hours of consulting is now only $397. I’m going to add some extraneous exclamation points to make this more exciting. !!!!!!1!11!!!one!

>> Thursday we eat Turkey. Unless you’re Canadian.

>> On Friday, in honor of my African-American friends, I’m going to announce a big and awesome deal that I have for you just like Best Buy has on Black Friday. And it won’t be on some fucking stupid printer that they only have one of. You’ll have all day Friday to buy, but don’t forget, because the sale ends Friday night and then I’ll add more exclamation points!!1!!!!!1!

Want in? Good! Check out what I do and get your order in now. If you don’t, I’ll be forced to add more exclamation points.