Stop being afraid of selling, you pussy

June 5, 2009 by Johnny
Filed under: Inspiration & motivation, Online biz

NOTE: This post is part of my National GOYA (Get Off Your Ass) Month initiative, intended to motivate anyone sitting on the fence about starting a new business to just do it already. These posts will still be funny, but if businessy talk in itself offends you, feel free to head over to the Wikipedia page for “Fart” and blank it repeatedly for your own amusement, and then come back next week to see if I’m less relevant.

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As some of you may know, I have a service where I offer to set up awesome, decked-out blogs for the low-low price of $39. As some of you may further know, I have an affiliate program where if you refer someone to me through your link, I’ll split that $39 with you. This is a good affiliate program to be part of because you’re promoting a low-cost service that many, many people need. A lot of folks want websites but are intimidated by the process of getting one. YOU may be a website whiz, but your co-worker Jim (the one who wants to sell Justin Timberlake action figures online) isn’t. This whole thing confuses Jim, but now only $39 plus hosting will enable him to get started online by literally just typing words into a web browser.

In-demand service. Low cost. An easy, easy sell for any affiliate.

Yet, the majority of my affiliates have not made one sale. They took the initiative to sign up, but have been unable to find one person who could use a blog for the retardedly cheap price of $39.

You know why? Because most people are big pussies who are afraid to sell.

If you’re GOYA’ing this month by finally getting your shit together and starting your business, you’d better get past that, you big pussy. I don’t care if you have the best Justin Timberlake action figures out there, and they have the Kung-Fu grip, and they have the battery-powered laser eyes, and you registered the class-A domain name www.justin-timberlake-action-figures-with-kung-fu-grip-and-laser-eyes-you-like-you-buy-buy-buy.com. If you don’t get out there and tell people why they need one pronto, you might as well have stayed on your ass and never gotten off of it in the first place.

Selling is not dirty, and you can do it without being a jerk.
Stop acting like you have to be a big asswipe to sell something. Just stop it.

There are plenty of people out there who take the used car salesman approach to selling, where they pressure you and pressure you, force-feeding you coffee and denying you bathroom breaks. But you don’t need to do that. Mentioning what you’re working on is a form of selling. Casually emailing people is selling. Talking about the advantages of something is selling. Selling is nothing more than making sure that a good thing lands in the lap of someone who might benefit from it, and making sure that they recognize it as a good thing.

So, for instance.

I’m on the faculty of Project Mojave. I wanted people to join during the launch, because I believe in it. Now, to try to sell them on it, I could have made long sales pages full of long sales copy, and I could have purchased email lists and bombarded those people hourly with high-pressure sales techniques. I could have accosted strangers in the mall and chattered at them while they tried to escape (I had a cellular salesman do this to me the other day), or I could have bugged the hell out of all of everyone I work with.

But instead, I chose to remind people casually, to talk about it on Twitter, to crack jokes (I did a list of “Little-Known Facts About Project Mojave” which included, “Dave Navarro was not actually in the band Jane’s Addiction”), and to suggest that people check out the videos that were being posted at the time. I wanted people to know that I was part of it, that I believed in it, and that they’d get my trademark sarcasm inside the Project. I wanted people to know about it, but I didn’t push. They’d either be interested or they wouldn’t.

I ended up referring around 5% of the total Project Mojave membership that way. You know, by being myself, and without being sleazy and used-car-salesmany.

Most people sell passively, like pussies. Don’t be a pussy.
Most people treat selling as an intrusion, because that’s what it is when used car salesmen do it. They shy away from actively telling people about something because they think it will be annoying and bothersome. But you’re not selling like a used car salesman, remember? You’re being cool, so it’s not going to bug people. So do go out and be proactive. Do talk to people. Do get off your ass and get the word out. It’s the only way you’ll ever do any business, after all.

Let’s look at what’s typical vs. what’s ideal.

Most people prefer to hang out a shingle at their Justin Timberlake Action Figures Shop and maybe put an ad in the newspaper or something. They hope people will read the paper or walk by and decide they’d like one. But do most people go to their co-worker who is into Lance Bass figures and say, “Hey, do you have the newest Justin Timberlake?” Do most people casually ask people they meet if they’re into action figures?

Nope.

This is a mistake most affiliates make. They put a link on their website and hope people will find it and click on it. This will not happen; seriously, it won’t. Affiliates need to send their link to people in email. They need to tell their family and friends and co-workers personally. They need to talk about it. They need to talk to everyone. They need to it in their email signatures, write blog posts about it, and talk to their friends, family, and co-workers.

Look, this is all theory until you actually get down to it and make something happen. If you want to make some sales and get the most out of your GOYA experience, here’s how you can hit the ground running:

1. Find something to sell. If you don’t have your own thing yet, then sell my thing for practice. This is an easy, easy sale if you present it right, because so many people want websites (try saying “website” instead of “blog”), but are intimidated by the process and think they can’t do it.

2. Remind yourself why what you’re selling is so great. Put yourself in your customer’s shoes and ask yourself if you’d be excited to discover this product or service. Stack the reasons why it’s great. Remember these reasons as key points to mention.

3. Be proactive. If you’re going to be my affiliate to practice, please don’t just put a link or banner on your site and consider yourself finished. Email a few people you know who have talked about starting a business. Talk to small businesspeople you already know, because these people need a web presence, probably don’t have one yet, and will think $39 is an insanely cheap amount to invest in a primary business asset. (Hint: I sold to realtors, property managers, horse ranches, artists, writers, and lawyers, to name a few.)

4. Be proactive. Read the above again because nobody does that last one. Seriously, it’s not something you should be intimidated about. These can be people you email regularly, and you just say, “Hey, do you still want to start that business? Because I found out about this $39 blog setup thing. Check it out.” And provide the link.

5. Be proactive. It’s that important.

6. Watch Commando. I hear they’re remaking it. How stupid is that?

Remember, you’re not a snake oil salesman. You’re a cool person offering a cool thing to people who want it. The sooner you can get that through your head, the sooner you’ll be on your way to making phat cash. And then you can be in a hip-hop video with lots of fine and classy ho’s.

Comments

7 Comments on Stop being afraid of selling, you pussy

Mike on Fri, 5th Jun 2009 2:17 pm

Johnny, you hit the nail on the head when you said “please don’t just put a link or banner on your site and consider yourself finished.” Randomly dropping a banner or link in the sidebar will rarely if ever rise above the background noise unless you draw attention to it in your content or by making personal connections.

Now it’s time for me to GOYA and go do this stuff rather than talking about it.

Johnny B. Truant on Thu, 11th Jun 2009 10:19 pm

Yeah, Mike, get to it! Get off your ass!

Proactivity is so underrated.

@ncwinters on Fri, 12th Jun 2009 1:52 pm

Think I need to do this with my comic business. My problem is that I HAVE a product but can’t figure out the best way to sell it as a service to everyone. In a way, I’m one of the worst freelancers in the world that way because selling myself, marketing and being proactive about my stuff is about as appealing as ascending bowl cancer.

Let’s see if I can utilize some of your words to make myself more lucrative. Lucrative? Sellmorebusinessish? Something.

Johnny B. Truant on Mon, 15th Jun 2009 2:34 pm

I think it comes down to believing that what you have is worth more than what you’re charging. I could never sell either, but now, I firmly believe that what I have is worth way more than the price. That confidence comes across.

Screw SEO : Johnny B. Truant on Fri, 18th Sep 2009 7:56 am

[...] the sales motivation piece I wrote called Stop being afraid of selling, you pussy [...]

Lex on Mon, 15th Feb 2010 12:11 am

I was kinda half-assed about reading this post until I got to the last sentence, the one about being in the hip hop video with the fine and classy ho’s. Then you got me.

If you were a real ballsy salesman you would have put that in the first paragraph. Sell benefits, not products!