I’m still mad as hell, but maybe less mad, and I’m still not going to take it anymore, but fortunately Tim Brownson is helping me out with the mad part and that fun anxiety I sometimes have. And also, I like nachos.

April 17, 2009 by Johnny
Filed under: Life of Johnny

A few weeks ago I wrote about how I was mad as hell, and pretty reticent about taking it anymore. I decided then and there that the only way out of my situation (and on to superstardom, ahem) was to start being what I’m supposed to be, which is a writer. I was going to have to write my ass off, to be smart about that ass-off writing, to be funny and engaging while my ass was seceding, and to write in sufficient quality and volume so as to assure that my ass was indeed completely off and free to act independently. Seemed to make sense.

Since that time, a few things have happened along that path of no-ass writing. I somehow conned Naomi of IttyBiz into believing that it made sense for me to keep writing a column on her blog. I launched two new sites of my own: The Diabetic Weightlifter and Learn To Be Your Own VA. (I used the same theme on both because duplication makes things easier and I figured the chances of their audiences overlapping was pretty slim. How many diabetics do you know who are lifting fanatics as well as blog enthusiasts? Just me? Yeah, that’s what I thought.)

The latter of those new sites has been quite an initial success. (The former was always going to be a slow play.) I also wrote an e-book on how to launch a stand-alone blog cheap, fast, and easy. I started a weekly webinar series. I’ve got ins toward possibly writing guest posts on some pretty damn huge blogs. The humor writing has been slower-going, but it’s on deck. I mean, I still want to serialize my bagel deli book online, and let’s not forget that parenthood book I keep mentioning I’m working on.

So, a whole lot of activity. A whole lot of exposure and momentum. Not a lot of money yet — but some… and hey, April’s barely halfway over. As a whole, things are moving in the right direction. Which, by the way, absolutely doesn’t stop me from still freaking out from time to time.

Enter my new friend Tim Brownson.

Tim is a life coach and all-around cool guy who I started working with about a month ago. His thing is working on the root beliefs that underlie our actions, and the general “mental stuff” that we get hung up on when we’re pursuing our goals.

You may be like, “Why would I work on my beliefs if I want to succeed? I should work on my actions. You’re dumb. You’re an idiot, Johnny. I’ll bet you pee your pants all the time, you big dumb idiot.”

And then I’d give you a flying roundhouse kick to the back of the head because dude, beliefs are everything. If you don’t believe, deep down, that you can do something, you won’t be able to take the action necessary to do it right. And if you believe you’ll never succeed in business or that you’re a failure or that you’ll always be poor… well, you’re right. And if you don’t believe me, try not changing anything under the hood of your own brain, and then go through a lifetime and see if it works out for you, you big dumb pants-peeing idiot.

So yeah, working on beliefs. Which isn’t something you can do well on your own, which is why Tim is helping me out. He’s the one who knows his shit. (I mean, I know shit, but that’s literal shit and is of limited value in this context.)

We started looking first at my values. He’s got this process where he asks me a series of questions and I get all confused and in the end we get this list of things I really value and a list of things I really don’t want. This all happens deep, deep down, so if I act in a way that violates my values, it’s going to fuck me up. The idea is to make sure that you’re moving in the direction of what you actually want. For years, I moved toward what I thought I wanted. Remember my job counting fruit flies? Um… that wouldn’t have happened if I had done this process first.

So Tim gets all of these answers out of me and then gives me a list.

Tops among my values was “family.” Below that was “freedom,” then “happiness.” Leading my “moving-away values” (things I want to avoid) were “ill health,” “death,” and “anxiety/worry.” The idea here was to figure out whether the direction I was going in my life and career meshed well with my core values. The fruit fly job would not have passed this test. It took me away from my family, limited my freedom, and did not generate happiness. When the panic attacks set in, I got ill health and a lot of anxiety, including worry about death. So yeah, that couldn’t possibly have been a worse job for me. Duh.

Since my current plan moves me toward more family time and more freedom and happiness, it fits. As a bonus, this same plan interestingly causes me neither ill health nor death (and definitely reduces worry), so that means that I passed. Luckily. Because it would have sucked to find out that I should be an accountant or something, or that I should return to counting fruit flies.

Hmm…

You know what? I’m realizing that this post is already pretty long, but I have a lot more to say on this topic. So, I’m going to unceremoniously end here and continue this train of thought in a few days. If you’re not as into self-development as I am, feel free to head over to Wikipedia and replace entire pages of text with photos of penises. But man, I hope that fits your values, because otherwise you should really come back here and read more about how to feel better and get more out of your life, you big pants-peeing jerk. Dumb, urinating, and posting dongs on wikis is no way to go through life, son.

Comments

20 Comments on I’m still mad as hell, but maybe less mad, and I’m still not going to take it anymore, but fortunately Tim Brownson is helping me out with the mad part and that fun anxiety I sometimes have. And also, I like nachos.

Tracy on Fri, 17th Apr 2009 9:54 am

Hey! Nice values! I really enjoyed doing the values worksheet because it helped me clarify why some things I thought should make me happy made me miserable and caused me so much internal turmoil.

And I admit, I am not sure if this is supposed to happen, but I really enjoyed knowing “Hey, no wonder I can’t spend time with Ms. Huffy Puffy! She is not increasing my creativity and passion and is increasing the apathy, pomposity and huffy puffity of my Universe!”

I’m looking forward to reading more of your thoughts. I’m finding that I need to take a few days to really absorb what Tim says before I can write about it, or even talk with my husband or friends about it.

Stickman on Fri, 17th Apr 2009 10:30 am

That’s all good and all, but I’m most interested in what you like on your nachos. Are you just a chips, cheese, and salsa guy? Or are you more into the works – meet, sour cream, olives, all of it?

I’ve worked for several life coach/motivational speakers, and I tell you those guys could straighten out your life just by know what you like on your nachos!

Stickman on Fri, 17th Apr 2009 10:30 am

I’ve worked for several life coach/motivational speakers, and I tell you those guys could straighten out your life just by knowing what you like on your nachos!

@ncwinters on Fri, 17th Apr 2009 11:24 am

This Tim Bronson guy seems like the man. I may have to own up and contact him about some life-coachery, though I’m sure I won’t want to pay whatever the rate is. Is it because I’m cheap and lazy? Yes. Though, in a way, that on it’s own should be proof that I need his services. Oh hell.

Can you really just replace stuff on Wikipedia? I thought it had to be approved or something. Though I guess fellow penis picture lovers could approve the content and make it happen. Series of tubes, right?

JoVE on Fri, 17th Apr 2009 4:24 pm

Great values. Not too surprising, either.

Glad you mentioned the parenting book. Because yesterday my friend Kris Bordessa released an e-book about writing for parenting mags. (http://krisbordessa.com/?p=42) And I thought “Hey, Johnny could pitch a funny dad column to one of them and build an audience for the book.”

So there you are.

Naomi Dunford on Sat, 18th Apr 2009 11:11 am

My top values were freedome and comfort. Tim’s like, what do you mean by comfort? I’m like, you know, comfort. Good sheets. Nice food in the fridge. Clean jeans.

Then I realized I am a cold and shallow individual. But since working with Tim, I have better sheets, better food in the fridge, and clean jeans.

The lesson we learn from this?

1. Tim can help you even if you’re irreparably flawed.

2. I like guacamole on my nachos.

Oh, and while we’re talking about nachos, Jack thinks “avocado” is pronounced “‘ave a cuddle”. Like when Brits drop the h. Fuck this, I’m moving back to Canada.

Tim Brownson on Sat, 18th Apr 2009 1:00 pm

As far as I can tell you’re all mental. Obviously, I could be wrong, especially if I’m mental too. In which case looking I’m looking at insanity with an insane filter in front of me. Which would make everything look normal and it doesn’t look that way to me. Er, so that means something’s not quite right here.

Anyway the point of this comment is to say this:

There are no good or bad values!

Complimenting Johnny on his values is like complimenting a tree on being nice and woody, a hedgehog for being very spikey today or the air for containing a nice mix of oxygen, nitrogen, argon and whatever other gases are in there (and no, I don’t want to know thanks very much, I just breathe it).

If you like Johnny’s values it’s because they are similar to yours, which is probably why you read here.

Values are what they are for you and they’re always right. Of course MINE are a little bit better than yours because I’m a life coach, but everybody else is equal.

PS NOBODY is irreparably flawed, except maybe a certain mother and daughter team on Celebrity Apprentice, who scare the hell out of me.

Joely Black (@TheCharmQuark on Twitter) on Sat, 18th Apr 2009 1:12 pm

@Naomi – Comfort is an excellent value. One of mine is “duvets”. I NEED duvets.

I’m afraid I have nothing more intelligent to add.

Johnny B. Truant on Sat, 18th Apr 2009 2:00 pm

@ Tracy – Yep, should be interesting to see how the two experiences differ, eh?

@ Stickman – It depends, actually. There are plenty of times I just want plain old cheddar cheese on chips, but I also have a thing I make that has the works on it… and there are a couple of restaurants where I’ll order a giant loaded plate of nachos. Guess I’m a challenge.

@ NCW – YES… it’s the coolest thing ever. Any visitor can make any edit they want. All of the changes are archived, and there are a bunch of dorks who take it upon themselves to police the site. So being a dick won’t last long and they’ll restore it. But it’s funny to go look at changes others have made. Click the “History” tab at the very top of any page to see it. It’s common to see a note that says, “Blanked entire page and wrote ‘Dokken sucks’” or something. Some of the most obviously hot pages (like “sex”) are locked, but most pages are entirely editable in full.

@ The rest of you – I have now spent too much time looking at Wikipedia histories to form a cogent response. So I’ll say, “Yeah.”

Johnny B. Truant on Sat, 18th Apr 2009 2:01 pm

Re: Wikipedia, check out this revision of the “Waffle” page:

http://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Waffle&oldid=277688897

Tracy on Sat, 18th Apr 2009 2:58 pm

@Tim – I am confused, you wouldn’t tell a hedgehog “Hey, I like your spikes?” I get your point though, but I still think Johnny’s values are nice (although if I am honest I probably would have said that no matter which he said, because I though it was nice of him to share them with us. My love language is compliments!)

@Johnny it is interesting, isn’t it? And like I told you on Twitter it was helpful for me to know that somebody else is going through some similar things, especially somebody I think is pretty terrific.

Alisa Bowman on Sat, 18th Apr 2009 3:03 pm

Can you have more family and more freedom at the same time? I feel like I lost my freedom as soon as I started a family. I hope to find it again in about 14 years…

I enjoyed your post, love your writing, and think you have a great voice. Good luck with your goals!

Johnny B. Truant on Sat, 18th Apr 2009 3:37 pm

@ Tracy – Yes, it’s always helpful to see you’re not the only one. I agree. And thanks!

@ Alisa – Hey, to me, family is freedom. Now… free time? That’s in short supply since starting a family.

Tim Brownson on Sat, 18th Apr 2009 5:38 pm

@ Alisa – Probably, depending on what freedom means to you. If it means going to bars with friends, getting hammered and the going to an all-night party looking for guys, then possibly not. Certainly now without a certain element of conflict creeping in.

It’s a tad confusing because so many other things come into play, but I’d encourage you not to think you have to wait 14 years to be free. Isn’t it largely a attitude of mind?

Tracy on Sun, 19th Apr 2009 9:22 am

@Alisa @Johnny, ain’t it the truth? Although this time last year you would not have seen me on Twitter or commenting on blogs, because I was too busy sobbing my eyes out because I couldn’t figure out how to hold a 18 lb octobaby and use the toilet at the same time and hadn’t slept more than 3 hours in two days. I suppose I could have just put him on the floor, but I’ve discovered I can’t go when people are screaming me/trying to lick the toilet brush. Which caused problems.

In any case, it did get better, so I’m going on the assumption that it will continue to get better. I don’t think you have to wait until she’s out of the house to start getting your freedom back.

diesel on Sun, 19th Apr 2009 1:31 pm

Dude, Prozac is SO much easier than all this “Working on your beliefs” crap. Seriously.

Andy Pels on Mon, 20th Apr 2009 9:24 am

It is so twisted that I happened to read this post today, and that it actually helped me immensely with stuff I am going through right this minute. Really.

Johnny B. Truant on Mon, 20th Apr 2009 9:50 am

That’s crazy, dude. If I’m going to start being helpful, I should get some kind of certification.

Johnny B. Truant on Mon, 20th Apr 2009 9:50 am

Oh, and part 2 is up today.

My values are what motivate me | I Hate My Message Board on Tue, 21st Apr 2009 11:33 pm

[...] life coaching business, Johnny B. Truant at The Economy Isn’t Happening has written about it here and here. He’s a really funny guy, so even if you are life coached out, take a peek at his [...]

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