No, Charlie Gilkey isn’t a 90-year-old bricklayer named Blanche

March 9, 2010 by Johnny
Filed under: Random crap 

I’ve entered this weird and sublimely freaky area where I’ve realized that I spend 95% of the time that I’m not spending with my wife and kids with you people.

I guess this is what happens when you work online, and work in it in as skewed of a way as I do — where the borders between personal and professional are as thin as the premise that Justin Timberlake has sex appeal. I had this friend — let’s call him Mike — who met this girl on the internet back in 1993. We all thought, “Oh, she’ll be a total weirdo. And meeting someone online is both strange and creepy.”

But we were wrong. She was more “disturbing” than a weirdo, and in the place of “creepy,” we sort of described her and the situation affectionately as “sad.”

But times have changed. As the internet grew up — from being countless phone lines running to countless 2400 baud modems in the basements of the mothers of countless oily losers to being the porno superhighway we know today — it became possible to actually “meet” people online who couldn’t recite the entire Star Wars script by memory. You know, people who aren’t totally socially retarded.

So I need to find my buddy Mike and apologize, and to let him know that if he had met this girl today, I wouldn’t mock him because… because you actually can form relationships online. I’ll admit it.

And maybe that’s just me justifying myself, because I’ll repeat: 95% of my non-wife and non-kids social interaction. So very odd.

In just a few days, I’m going to get on a plane and fly to Austin, Texas to meet some of the people I hang around with all day. (I’m particularly interested and excited to meet all of the folks I know from the Third Tribe, which just so happens to be the coolest and most attractive bunch of people alive today.)

Now, there’s technically a conference going on in Austin at that time, but I’m not going to get an event pass. The pagan lesbian transsexual couple I’ve never met that I’ll be staying with convinced me that there was no point. (And to think people say that the internet is nothing but freaks.)

Through all of this, my friend and client Jess (a chainsaw-weilding pervert energy consultant I’ve never met) keeps telling me that I have to AT LEAST get business cards, and to upgrade my dumbphone to a smartphone, because if I go to SXSW to meet the rest of the people who neither of us have met, I at least have to be somewhat professional and hip. I considered splurging $10 at VistaPrint for a stack of glossy cards that said only THIS IS JOHNNY’S BUSINESS CARD on the front and THIS IS THE BACK on the back but got inspired and sprung for something far more insulting and irreverent, but haven’t yet made up my mind on the phone with only about 72 hours left to decide.

It’s strange to me to think that I hang out with these people (with you people) all day every day, and yet I don’t know any of you.

But that’s a lie, isn’t it? I do know you.

People who don’t live in this space the way we do still think that internet friends are an impossibility, that the only people you can meet online are 400 lb. pedophiles named Jasper, who are masquerading as 14 year old girls. While that’s true on MySpace (and here I’m supposed to say hi to SexyJasper221, this friendly girl scout I know online who apparently has candy in the back of her windowless white van*), it’s not true on the Net at large. And here’s why:

Nobody is that good of an actor. Not as many people are fucked-up weirdos as the world would have you think — and I’ll stand by that.

After exchanging countless emails and tweets with Anne Sorensen (who will get all bubbly at this mention), I’m 100% convinced that she’s not actually a male prison inmate doing time in Tennessee.

I’ll wager dollars to donuts that Michael Martine isn’t actually a college kid operating out of his dorm room.

I think I have a pretty good bead on Naomi Dunford, and although I’m told that I’ll immediately remark that she should have shorter hair and swear more, I’m pretty sure she’s not actually an 1880s riverboat gambler.

This is Web 2.0. A lot of the people we interact with, we see them and hear them as they really are. And when we don’t actually see or hear them, we see photos. And even if we don’t trust the photos (they could all be lies, of course), we get little snippets of off-the-cuff, unrehearsed interaction that by themselves mean nothing, but which all together paint a surprisingly vivid picture.

Could Sean Oliver be someone other than who he say he is? Well, I suppose the internet enhances his or anyone’s ability to create a false face — it allows you to be a different age, sex, race, height, weight, national origin or whatever than what you actually are — but I’m going to bet that even if he’s a Hasidic Jew midget FBI agent named Beatrice, I still have his personality nailed.

The saying goes, You can’t hide what’s inside. (I think a candy bar or something stole that as a slogan once upon a time, much like the co-opting of the popular expressions “Once you pop, you can’t stop” and “Where’s the beef?”)

I think that if you’re some creep trolling for action on a creep forum or if you’re an FBI agent trying to catch creeps trolling for action on a creep forum, you can create a persona and be that persona for a while. But let me see either of those people interacting daily on Twitter. Let me see their blogs, or their guest posts on other blogs, or their comments on blogs across the blogosphere. Let me see how they answer wall posts on Facebook or respond to off-the-cuff Skype chats or emails.

I think the people who are falsifying their personalities have to hide in the more faceless, more contrived, less “live” forms of online interaction. And I think that if you have been putting people on, your true nature is going to come out… because there’s no way it can’t. We are who we are.

(And don’t go saying that we know James is a woman because she admitted it. I know plenty of folks who said they could tell ahead of time. Because in this arena, you can’t hide who you really are for long, and how you really are inclined to behave and be and interact. You reveal little bits of yourself with every exchange, and eventually, people were kind of like, You can’t hide what’s inside. And hey, while we’re on the topic, where’s the beef?)

So these people I haven’t met, who I’m excited to meet this weekend? Well, I already know them.

My dad would shit bricks if I told him that I was staying with Pace and Kyeli, but I didn’t think twice about it.

I don’t expect to be surprised at all in my interactions with Charlie or Dave or Sonia or anyone else. Because I know these people already.

And back to my dad and his brick-shitting? All of the membership money for the Charlie and Johnny Jam Sessions goes into Charlie’s account, and he pays me my share. I’ll do something similar for my new, as-of-yet-unnamed course (tentative release date: March 23!) with Lee Stranahan. People think, “That’s idiotic. They could be criminals. They could rip you off.”

But… I know Charlie. I know Lee. Could they rip me off? Sure they could, but so could anybody I see every day in my day-to-day life. Does being able to see the face of a person make them more trustworthy? Hardly.

This world is getting smaller. It’s weird: Jonathan Fields, Pam Slim, Darren Rowse… I can’t walk through a bookstore anymore without seeing half a dozen books from people I talk to every day.

So I got my business cards. I’m going to spend a few days hanging out and breaking bread with these people who I know really well and who I’ve never met before. Because when you know people, and you like them, shouldn’t you meet them eventually? Yeah, that makes sense.

Besides, I owe Chris Brogan one for stealing my gimmick.

.

* “Windowless white van” joke stolen from Jordan Cooper so that I can get insulted by him already.

 

My partner in crime Lee Stranahan and I will be launching our new course, Question the Rules: The nonconformist’s punk rock, DIY, nuts-and-bolts guide to creating the business and life you really want, starting with what you already have, on Wednesday, April 28.

It’s ridiculously jam-packed: 5 course modules on how to rock your business and life as an entrepreneur who colors outside the lines, and over a dozen interviews with successful rule-breakers whose names you’ll recognize.

If you’re a punk rock entrepreneur (and I know you are), you’ll want to check it out here because we’re offering an immediate free bonus prior to launch day.

 

 

 

RELATED POSTS:

  1. Recording of the Charlie Gilkey and JBT jam session
  2. Video of the 4/13/09 webinar on blog themes

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Comments

37 Comments on No, Charlie Gilkey isn’t a 90-year-old bricklayer named Blanche

  1. Karol Gajda on Tue, 9th Mar 2010 8:33 am

    2. It’s pretty awesome being alive right now. I call a good 2 hand fulls of people I’ve met online friends. Most I’ve met in person and some I haven’t. But it’s cool to be able to trust people who you’ve never met just based on text interactions. You really hit that point home with “Does being able to see the face of a person make them more trustworthy? Hardly.”

    Keep fighting zombies!
    Karol

  2. Drew @ Cook Like Your Grandmother on Tue, 9th Mar 2010 8:52 am

    3. Okay, three things.

    First, back in ‘96 or ‘97, I had a net connection at work. Or rather *the* net connection. I told a co-worker that online I was a 14-year-old cheerleader named “Tiffany”. He said, “That’s you?!”

    Second, Starfuck much? http://ittybiz.com/starfucking-20-a-primer/

    Third: “I know plenty of folks who said they could tell ahead of time.” And my parents know plenty of people who were at Woodstock. I believe all of them.

  3. James Chartrand - Men with Pens on Tue, 9th Mar 2010 9:27 am

    4. All I’m sayin’ is that when we meet up and shake hands one day, you’re buying the beer, dude.

  4. Ray on Tue, 9th Mar 2010 9:53 am

    5. I’ve been with someone from a chat room for the last 11 years. Thank God she isn’t a 400 lb. bubba in a nice pink dress.

  5. Jess on Tue, 9th Mar 2010 10:09 am

    6. I was just telling someone about this the other day who was glowing about the number of people who have clicked “follow” on my Twitter profile. It’s really not that hard to do. In fact, I believe there are labs where trained monkeys are doing it all day long (not necessarily following ME, but they’re definitely on the Twitter).

    The number of followers I have is no longer a valuable piece of data to me. What I do see are lists of people who post links, others who tell me what they’re eating, and a select group who have become my trusted friends. I probably would have never met them if it weren’t for the interwebs.

    I mean, really… where else can I be (aptly) donned a chainsaw-wielding pervert energy consultant by some dude I’ve never met? Aside from the crazy hobo who sits near the intersection, no one would call me that besides you. If that’s not proof you can really KNOW someone through an online relationship, I don’t know what is…

    I hope you have a great time at SXSW… We want peekchures.

  6. Pace Smith on Tue, 9th Mar 2010 10:23 am

    7. Yeah, I was just thinking about this the other day, too. How many people would feel comfortable inviting a strange man they’ve never met to sleep in their home? And how many people of our parents’ generation would?

    Looking forward to meeting you in meatspace. (:

  7. Johnny on Tue, 9th Mar 2010 10:35 am

    8. @James – You’ve gotta show up, though… where will you be at SXSW again? :)

  8. Charlie Gilkey on Tue, 9th Mar 2010 10:45 am

    9. Speaking of which, it’d probably be good if I paid you this month. I’ve been meaning to get on that spreadsheet.

    It would be real hard for us to be different than who we are, because, as you mentioned, there are videos, audio conversations, and such. Y’all know me better than any offline friend does.

    And I can’t believe you cheaped out on the tickets. I *will* say I told you so.

  9. James Chartrand - Men with Pens on Tue, 9th Mar 2010 10:46 am

    10. @Johnny – I’ll be at the SXSW they’re having in Canada within 10 hours driving distance of my home.

    Me and planes… we don’t mix. :(

  10. Fiona on Tue, 9th Mar 2010 10:55 am

    11. Ok, I admit it… I’m really a 47 year old mad axe murderer. You caught me. Just kidding (or am I)

    Honestly, I don’t think I could pretend I’m anyone I’m not. I’m pretty crazy, I’d have trouble hiding that (though, if you were to meet me offline, I’d definitely be more quiet, don’t wanna scare people away ya know). And I feel like a lot of people are truer to their real selves. In fact, often times I feel like I get to know a person better if I meet them online, things such as appearance and more superficial stuff doesn’t matter as much.

    I can honestly say that I’ve made some good friends online. The dynamics of our relationships may be a little bit different, but I’d still consider them friends. And I’m happy (and proud) to have the opportunity to ‘know’ them.

  11. Darren Scott Monroe on Tue, 9th Mar 2010 11:04 am

    12. JBT you should do James like Mr T with the A Team and when he wakes up he is there LOL “I pity the fool without a pen that wont be there” LOL

  12. Pace Smith on Tue, 9th Mar 2010 11:06 am

    13. @Charlie: It’s totally our fault. He wanted to buy a badge, and we talked him out of it. It wasn’t easy, either. We had to twist his arm.

    Over the internet.

  13. Michael Martine on Tue, 9th Mar 2010 11:18 am

    14. I will be staying in my dorm room this time, but I’ll be at SOBCon. Yes I know I said I was going to SXSW but that’s just working out this year.

    Be prepared to experience a strange dissonance when meeting your online buddies “IRL.” You will be trying to talk to them consciously, while your subconscious reconciles your online and offline “versions” of them.

  14. Toby Martini on Tue, 9th Mar 2010 11:28 am

    15. Johnny B. et al.

    While I definitely see your point and know that it’s true for Many people, I’m having some little trouble in making great online relationships.

    It’s REALLY weird because offline, I am a magnet. I love to talk to people, I attract crowds at parties and am usually pretty freakin’ funny. (Not trying to sound all cool. Just showing the difference in few words.)

    Johnny’s got a good thing going with his humor writing background. I’ve always been an Improvisor, making it up on the fly.
    If I could get everyone that comes into my online space to speak with me 1-on-1 I’d be set!

    I have talked with Naomi a couple of times on the phone and I believe THAT is the only reason she’d remember me. Not from my comments on her blog or mine.

    Part of marketing and connecting online is getitng your true face and voice out there. But for some reason, I’m not doing as a great a job as I want to in my writing.

    Shout out to Darren (above): He does wonderful work on Third Tribe; helping, laughing and sharing.

    I did just get a Flip and am starting video (like a Boss). Maybe that will help!

    Any comments??
    And it’s not just all about me. I’m sure there are others that face this.
    How do we get our lively fun selves out there when we’re not physically there??

    Cheers!
    Toby

  15. Johnny on Tue, 9th Mar 2010 11:44 am

    16. @Toby – I don’t know, man… there are a zillion things that come to mind that it could be, but part of it may be that if there’s a conscious effort to find certain people and make friends with them, it can feel targeted and forced. Not to plug (okay, to plug), but Lee Stranahan and I spent 4 hours on this (networking) for the course we’re releasing, linked to above. There’s a fine art to it; that’s the only way I can put it without extensive analysis. My advice would be to not think about networking (if you are) and think more about making friends. Respond idly to people on Twitter, with no thought of there being a business outcome. It’s all about stupid, mindless chat, IMO. And no, I’m not kidding.

    @ Michael – I’ll bet. The thought of that is weirding me out a bit; I won’t lie.

    @ Darren – You’re awesome, dude, but I have no fucking idea what you just said there!

    @ Fiona – I do think there can be a difference in personalities, but I think the core stuff is largely the same in the way we operate here in 2.0 land.

    @ James – I hate flying too. It isn’t helped by the way everyone has gone out of their way to make the experience as uncomfortable and inconvenient as possible, either. But that’s just how much I want to go.

    @ Charlie – I’m going to make up for it in cool, like the kid who is too awesome to wear a hat in winter. (I can always buy one last minute if I must… I’ll have funds.)

    @ Pace – Yeah, it’s actually probably weirder for you. What if I fuck up your towels? The possibilities are endless. :)

    @ Jess – A nice intermediate is Twitter lists. That number DOES mean something to me because it’s still a relatively pure measure of people who think you’re interesting. But you’re right… I’ll take 10 solid connections over 1000 people who I don’t know or care about.

    @ Ray – Yes, I’ve enjoyed our 11 years together in that chat room.

    @ Drew – I’m not starfucking yet. I’m just name-dropping for now.

    @ Karol – I know, right? I have a bunch of clients in Australia. When was that ever possible without great expense in the past?

  16. Johnny on Tue, 9th Mar 2010 11:45 am

    17. BTW, don’t everybody go getting spoiled with me answering everyone individually. I’m usually far more of a slacker than that.

  17. Jess on Tue, 9th Mar 2010 11:56 am

    18. Whoa. @Johnny hardly ever does that anymore…

    I just wanted to comment again to high-five @Fiona for her comment on the superficial crap being set aside online. Great point.

    OK. I’m really done now.

  18. Darren Scott Monroe on Tue, 9th Mar 2010 12:00 pm

    19. LOL I guess you weren’t an ATEAM classic TV show watcher LOL But I will take that awesome dude LOL .

    Like I was telling Michael if all of you guys will be there next week for the TT meetup I may have to drive down to Austin for the sole purpose of meeting you.

  19. Johnny on Tue, 9th Mar 2010 12:09 pm

    20. Do it, dude!

    I totally watched the A-Team, but couldn’t follow what the hell you were saying regardless. It’s cool; I like an enigma.

  20. Darren Scott Monroe on Tue, 9th Mar 2010 12:17 pm

    21. You say you like an enema? Wow Johnny nooooo LOL

    Its cool dude (but not your enema thing)

  21. Lee Stranahan on Tue, 9th Mar 2010 1:02 pm

    22. Wait – did someone report me to the Precrime division?

    How I am going to rip off Johnny now? I thought Charlie and I had this all worked out!

  22. Mike Stankavich on Tue, 9th Mar 2010 1:08 pm

    23. Meeting online friends in person is just plain awesome, that’s all I gotta say. You’ve got to remember that these are people that you have already found affinity with. One of the best things is that you have shared context. You don’t have to spend a lot of time explaining yourself and getting people to understand what you’re up to – they already know.

    I got to meet Clay Collins and Jonathan Mead last fall. That was absolutely worth 30-some hours of driving with four kids. I surely wish I was going to SXSW this year, but time and funds don’t permit this time around. Maybe next year…

  23. Johnny on Tue, 9th Mar 2010 1:08 pm

    24. I just need to drop a quick comment here to note that I totally got the Minority Report reference.

    And in all likelihood, since I know Lee is a geek, this is the Philip K. Dick original book we’re talking about rather than the Tom Cruise movie.

  24. Lee Stranahan on Tue, 9th Mar 2010 1:21 pm

    25. I’ve never seen Minority Report.

    On the other hands, God just told me to kill Richard Nixon and then the house across the street vanished and was replaced by a small piece of paper that says “House Across The Street” and then I sold drugs to a Martian.

  25. Sid Savara on Tue, 9th Mar 2010 1:28 pm

    26. Hey Johnny,

    I know what you mean. I’ve used craig’s list for years to meet people based on a 4 line ad – but things are definitely different now. With Twitter, Facebook and blogging exploding over the past few years, it’s true, I really do get a sense of what people are really like before meeting them in person

    I think one big difference is, if someone is on social media and blogging, odds are pretty good its them because it’s the persona they are showing to the whole world. Sure you could fake it, and there have been instances of sort of fake personas being built up, such as a number of youtube videos where people have faked characters and their lives (unlike James Chartrand, since that was the same persona with just a fake name)

    Interesting sidenote, I know Srinivas recently interviewed you for BlogcastFM – I finally met him a couple months after we’ve been working together on the site via GWave and Skype!

  26. Sean Oliver on Tue, 9th Mar 2010 4:40 pm

    27. Crud. I’ve been made. Luckily I cant make these sxsw shenanigans.

  27. Kyeli on Tue, 9th Mar 2010 6:17 pm

    28. You’re gonna love our house, Johnny. We’re pagan lesbians. Our house is full of pictures of hot naked women.

  28. Darren Scott Monroe on Tue, 9th Mar 2010 6:33 pm

    29. Hey Kyeli got pics? got pics?

  29. 5 Ways to Keep Visitors Coming Back | Helpful Tips For Newbies on Tue, 9th Mar 2010 7:07 pm

    30. [...] No, Charlie Gilkey isn’t a 90-year-old bricklayer named Blanche | Johnny B. Truant [...]

  30. Johnny on Tue, 9th Mar 2010 8:24 pm

    31. Hot naked women? I knew there was a reason I liked Pace and Kyeli.

  31. Thor on Tue, 9th Mar 2010 11:41 pm

    32. ah ha but did you spot the wee Scotsman?

  32. Matthew Needham on Wed, 10th Mar 2010 2:05 am

    33. Seems kind of odd to give business cards to the people you already know don’t you think?

  33. anne sorensen on Wed, 10th Mar 2010 3:33 am

    34. Wow JT .. didn’t know you could spot the bubbles from so far away! :) That’s great. You are so clever. Anyhow … I love this post (and not just because of the inclusion in the ensemble) … my absolute favourite thought is the ‘little snippets of off-the-cuff, unrehearsed interaction that by themselves mean nothing, but which all together paint a surprisingly vivid picture.’. So true.

    Anyhow, when I first ventured into social networking .. it just reminded me of when I was travelling. How you’d strike up a conversation and become close to people very quickly. Perhaps the shared experiences and freedom of travelling enabled this – but I felt exactly the same in this environment. The internet has freed up our communication totally – and the ability to really know people before we’ve even met them in the flesh. Fantastic. I love it.

    Have a great time at SXSW .. next year for me! I wanna meet the very eloquent chainsaw-wielding pervert energy consultant! (Hi Jess!)

    Take care and love from Downunder! x

  34. Johnny on Wed, 10th Mar 2010 5:26 am

    35. @Matthew – That was my argument, but people keep telling me that there is a SLIGHT chance that I might run into people who don’t know me yet in a city of millions. :)

  35. Drew @ Cook Like Your Grandmother on Wed, 10th Mar 2010 10:04 am

    36. @Matthew, that’s a great point. I was trying to figure out what’s behind it and I think it’s related to the Facebook thing: “Pics or it didn’t happen.”

    When you’ve got a stack of business cards in a drawer in your desk — or in a box on top of your desk, or matted, framed and mounted hanging on the wall behind your desk — then they’re real people and not just names on the screen.

  36. Michelle on Thu, 11th Mar 2010 8:21 pm

    37. I didn’t get tickets either. Mostly, I was too broke, but Pace and Kyeli assured me it was the right thing to do. Especially living in Austin and all. Andddd I will be at their meet up on Monday so I will probably see you there!

    I was always a bit more trusting of online people than others tended to be, but most of my “internet friends” were people I probably spent several hours a week chatting to, so I personally just figured it would be too much of a PITA to fake a personality, background, and photos for harmless internet chatting. Yanno?

    Darren – I totally know what you’re talking about! (Mr. T, A team, and waking up in new places) I wouldn’t, though, except that my husband started randomly talking about it the other day. I’m kind of pop culture retarded sometimes…

  37. Johnny on Thu, 11th Mar 2010 8:41 pm

    38. Pace and Kyeli are going to take such shit if it turns out it’s best to have a badge. :)

    Honestly, tough, the clincher was that there’s no price break between now and the conference. If you need one, just get one there… simple as that.

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