I can’t even write a post that long and have it make sense.

Also, one of my favorite quotes by one of my favorite poets. I clicked through just to read some of it again.

Nepotism and favoritism open doors. But once the door is open, the person still has to perform.

It’s rare that someone can hire/promote/whatever a person SOLELY because they’re family or a friend, and then that that person can simply do nothing and still keep their position, get paid, or whatever. Most forms of “knowing someone” mean that you get a shot, or that you get moved to the top of the pile, or that you or your work stands out for consideration. But then you or your work has to shine, or back to the rabble you go.

The point about someone putting their reputation on the line when recommending someone is quite valid too. If you’re in a position of power and all you do is advance people you know and all of those people turn out to be incompetent assholes, then you’re not going to last long in that position of power 9 times out of 10.

People like to buy from people they know and trust, so they will heartily make a purchase based on a reccommendation from a friend.

…same thing with everything else. People help other people. Why work harder when you can work smarter. There may be more honor in clawing your way to the top, but if you can get there by knowing the right people, you might as well not get dirt under your nails.

Besides, it’s all about financial freedom and helping out each othere anyway. Why struggle for no reason? Of course you must follow your own ethics etc. I’m not talking about joiing the mob or something, but no one that has ever made it, has done it complely alone. It’s not possible.

-Joshua Black
The Underdog Millionare

Love the insight. From someone who’s a true introvert, it’s insightful and somehow reassuring that people who can and do network have some hidden insecurities of their own.

["True introvert"... Is it a group if we don't network with each other? Hmmm...]

I try so hard to connect on the I’net, having to push past my own insecurities to do it. “What could I possibly have that they’d want?” [asks the voice in my head. Well, one of them, anyway.] I must say, tho, that if I think about it like I’m wearing a persona on the I’net, it’s easier than when I have to put my real self out there IRL.

Annie

This Nepotism post caught my eye because you were teasing me on twitter: “does this mean we’re the cool kids now?!” (and no, we’re so not… and not because it’s cool to be uncool, but more that [a] we’re not kids anymore and [b] like Pace would say, we’re ALL “freaks”… but I digress…)

It also caught my eye because my first job in an exclusive industry could be seen as a fluke of A-list nepotism… I got the Interview because — along with the facts that I was the right demographic with the proper interests in the desired geographical locale with the desired skill set — my Mom worked for the long-ago College Roommate/Buddy of the Bigwig who needed a Personal Assistant. BUT! I only got the JOB because I’m the one-and-only GirlPie. (The Boss didn’t get to be a Bigwig by hiring like an idiot.)

So yes, make friends, network, tap relations, link-in with alumni, friend competitors, offer help, keep in touch — DIG YOUR WELL BEFORE YOU’RE THIRSTY by Harvey MacKay is what I wish I’d read before I needed it — and use every possible connection you can to get the Meeting, Interview, Return Call, Guest Post — whatever. You’ll have made your own opportunity because you made the connection in the first place. (it’s not just about a blood relation since no one will recommend someone who’ll hurt their reputation or abuse the trust of the connection.)

BUT once you’ve got your foot in the door, you’ve got to get the job, the slot, the byline — the gig — solely on your own heart, mind, guts and spirit.

And your post raises an interesting point when you state that everyone likes to support/recommend their friends. There are concentric rings of “friendship” that are amplified in the online world, where many of us are virtual pals. Johnny may think you’re the bee’s knees, may love your tuna potluck recipe, may send everyone to your site ~ BUT! If you weren’t a decent guest poster (with a loyal readership different from his own, making for a smart expansion for both of you), he’d never have you guest on his baby, his business, his blog. NEVER. (Well, maybe, if he lost a bet or found a bribe… but you know what I mean.)

“Contacts” (friendship, connections, etc.) may allow access, but they don’t grant unearned opportunity where a savvy businessman’s income is concerned. (We reserve that risk for our cause, our mentee, a worthy start-up or apprentice or favorite lover… but Not just because dear Auntie or Superstar Expert asked us to give some pothead nephew a break. Nuh-uh.)

Which is where twitter RTs come in handy (among other reasons.) Personally, I still only RT a link that I have actually gone to, read through, and add my stand on in the RT… but most don’t, and that’s fine. Re-tweeting a tweet/link of a contact, friend, partner, superstar or just someone with a new audience we want to reach can support (or make use of) a ‘net Pal without having to really vouch for them; a little link love seems friendly, supportive and low-risk… (but it’s fascinating to track the stats at just how many will RT a link without EVER clicking through on it themselves!)

But conversely: with many Pals having FB pages that we’re asked to ‘like,’ or affiliate programs that reward supportive recommendations, or partnered products that have launches to be publicized… it’s becoming just as important, when advised to “make friends,” to consider exactly where you allow your name/reputation/implied endorsement — your friendship — to be used, and by whom, for how long, in connection with what… the internet, especially with the way back machine, has a long memory.

Anyone who’s seen my pink face knows that I’m ALL for making friends. And the sweet-swell-smart-tart online Gang I that adore — I’ve been supporting them with comments, purchases, emails, calls, accolades and conversation since 01/08 so I’ve seen most of them start-up or build wonderful businesses & communities in that time — feel every bit as true friends (or moreso) than my IRL pals.

But the thing that makes these connections feel like Friendships is that we trust each other to be honest with one another. Drew wouldn’t have me guest post for his blog on “The Shiksa’s Guide: How to Cook and Host a Passover Seder for 9 Plus His Parents While You’re Living In Sin” no matter how much he adores (?) me if it’s not right for his readership… and he’d be honest enough to tell me so. And maybe point me to a blog called “How to Cook Like a Yenta” instead.

[Oops! These little comment boxes trick me into thinking I'm just jotting a few thoughts, sorry for the guest post in your comments~!]

SO ~ yes, make friends, build connections, dig your well before you’re thirsty, play matchmaker, serve needs, and support pals, and lend a hand, and ask for help ~

AND YES — consider the value of your personal recommendation, of your implied endorsement, of the referrals that influence your own reputation as trustworthy ~

BUT– when you get that connected opportunity, when you get up to bat — knock it outta the park on your own strength and skill, then run like hell ’round those bases!

And I’ll be here in the stands like always, cheering you on…

Your pal,
~GirlPie

PS: Yes, you and Pace got the right obscure reference. Did you need to follow the link for it?

Good for you, coming out and telling it like it has always been. If ya’ don’t want to be alone and talking to yourself ya’ gotta make some friends.