I’m mad as hell, and I’m not going to take it anymore!

March 25, 2009 by Johnny
Filed under: Inspiration & motivation, Life of Johnny 

Man, folks, I’m so sorry to follow up one serious post with a second serious post. I swear I’ll be funnier next time. But I promised that I was going to come out from behind the curtain a bit and act like a real person. I promised I would say what’s on my mind.

And the fact is that right now I am so incredibly pissed off, and afraid, and generally on the edge of my seat because I feel like something is supposed to happen — is in fact overdue to happen — but it just won’t. I’m so frustrated.

Let me tell you my deep, dark secret.

I am in such an incredibly shitty financial situation right now. It’s like a bottomless pit, and the only way out of it is to become exactly the person I’m supposed to be in the first place. Which is ironic, and appropriate, and really irritating because it’s just not happening. Or rather, it’s happening, but too slowly. Or rather, maybe it’s happening pretty quickly, but I just don’t know because the whole “becoming” process is still very young.

But the point is that every month I pay the bills, and every month I scrap for jobs doing stuff I don’t even like doing (okay, don’t get me wrong… it’s good work, but it’s not what I’m supposed to be doing) and every month I have this giant monster at my heels that demands this huge sum of money in addition to the regular bills.

Called real estate.

I own a bunch of real estate in Cleveland. It’s not bad for what it is (which is “Cleveland real estate”), but I bought it for too much and bought it too fast then the market fell like a brick and I’ve got all of this shit that keeps being vacant and keeps needing repairs and keeps scaring the living shit out of me. Every month, I have to write a check to cover the shortfall. Never do the rents totally cover the expenses. I can’t sell it right now, and some of it I’d have to pay to get rid of. I feel like I got screwed by a fast-talking agent, but who signed the paperwork? Me, that’s who.

I got myself into this, and the only way out is to become the writer I always said I’d become. Really.

And a little bit of backstory on that:

Nine years ago, working a job that was stealing my soul, I started having panic attacks. While I was in the midst of what used to be the most frightening months of my life, I started writing a novel about the college life I had been missing. It was called The Bialy Pimps and was about a revolt in a bagel deli. (You know, something we can all relate to. And by the way, a “bialy” is a type of bagel.)

This never did get published. I want to publish it still someday, but for now, I just sort of “have it.” (It’s actually still awesome. I just read some of it yesterday and laughed my ass off.)

But anyway, while I was writing it, I thought, “This is what I’m supposed to be doing.” My dad played psychologist and told me that great art comes from pain. I don’t know if my novel was great art, but it was pretty fucking funny and was born during a lot of pain.

I finished the book. Got out of the job. And then, I couldn’t write anymore. Seriously; I tried several more times to write SOMETHING, ANYTHING creative. Short stories. Countless attempts at second novels. Nothing would come, because I had gotten comfortable in a new routine, writing nonfiction magazine articles and building websites. My dad kept bothering me to keep trying to write. I tried but couldn’t. Eventually I gave up.

And I had been so certain I was supposed to be a writer. I had it all figured out; I would picture it in my head and think of how my days would go and it all felt so right. It would be so, so awesome. There was this shitty little TV show on at the time that nobody saw and that only lasted like three episodes called Stark Raving Mad. It starred Tony Shaloub as an obsessive-compulsive writer (maybe it was the inspiration for Monk?) and there was this one episode where his assistant or whoever screwed up his OCD routine and he was like “NO, first I get the paper THEN I buy my muffin THEN a cup of coffee THEN I lick the lamppost and THEN I write” or some shit. And it’s not like I’m all OCD but it struck something in me and I thought, “I could see myself having that routine. Minus the lamppost.”

But, no. The creative writing wouldn’t come. I kept writing articles and building websites.

Then I bought this real estate. Then it got bad. Then worse. And then the economy collapsed. This fucking economy that I keep trying to tell myself doesn’t need to be happening happened, and things got a LOT worse.

I remember sitting in the same chair I’m sitting in now, and it’s not like I’m all religious, but I do believe in God, and I said, “What should I do?” Not like a plea of desperation or whatever but like maybe he’d give me a nudge. And what came into my mind was this: I realized I had all of these old newsletters I used to email out that were just sitting there, and I realized that I had the novel, and it was like, “I should start a blog. I should try to make a living selling and using what I have.”

That was about six months ago. I’ve got some readers, and it’s cool, and I’m making connections, and that’s cool. But I still don’t make money being Johnny B. online, and still I do these websites and I still write magazine articles, and every month I fight to make enough money doing it… and every month, I have to write that fucking check for my failing real estate empire. And it’s often a large check.

And then I panic for a while.

I was paying the bills today and something snapped. It dawned on me that I’ve had it. That I’m not going to take it anymore. It dawned on me that I’m so tired, so terribly, terribly tired. I’m tired of being afraid. I’m tired of worrying all the time. I’m tired of doing my regular job and prospecting for even more regular job work as well as writing this blog and trying to make money online and trying to network and be funny and wait for something to go, and work and work and work, and worry and worry and worry.

I’m not despairing here. I don’t do despair, or at least, I don’t do it for long. I get pissed. And right now, I’m so pissed that it has to be this way. I’m so, so pissed at this current situation and am going to find a way to change it if it kills me. I’m going to find a way to be the writer I’m supposed to be, making my living being funny and interesting and creative. I’m going to do it, somehow, some way… and I’m going to do it so well that I’m going to buy my way out of this mess I’m in.

I’m so, so mad.

I fucking hate real estate. HATE it. Eventually I’ll write a book that they’ll stock next to Robert Kiyosaki’s books, and it will be called Why Real Estate is a Big Fat Ugly Whore That Should Be Beaten With a Club and the subhead will be Not That Whores Should Be Beaten With Clubs, but Real Estate is Such a Giant Whore That I’ll Make an Exception, and Also it Should be Drowned in Lye.

I hate being afraid to get the mail. I hate seeing email from certain people (property managers, insurance people) and being afraid to open it. I hate that I’m nervous when my wife goes downstairs into her office because that’s where she does the paperwork and pays the business bills. I hate these stupid little Post-Its she sticks on things to tell me how much extra money the fucking real estate business needs this month. I hate thinking about houses. I hate thinking about taxes, bills, money in general; I hate it when I see a real estate book on my shelf and I hate how I cringe when I’m playing this Bingo-like game with my son and the “house” tile comes up. I hate envelopes in the mail, and particularly the ripping sound of mail being opened. I hate credit cards, lines of credits, and banks. I hate this pile of shit on my floor that I’m supposed to get around to handling. I hate the city offices, the water department, the electric company… all of it.

I hate that my solution so far is to go out and stump for more of this work that I don’t want to do. I hate that to solve the problem in the short term, I seek more of what I shouldn’t be doing with my life.

I hate going in to see my kids at night and feeling bad when I see them lying peacefully asleep, because I worry every day that it’s all going to fall apart.

I HATE IT. I HATE FEELING LIKE A VICTIM.

And I know I’m not the only one. I think this is the emotion of the times: Fear. Like a giant test of faith. Like something that will serve us if we can just heed its message and act. If we’ll just take this fucking economy by the balls and say, “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore!”

This is all a very long-winded way of saying that this is WHY I’m working with Naomi of IttyBiz. Because halfway through writing this post, I realized that it sounded familiar.

It sounded like her page about Online Business School. Which was my very, very first contact with Naomi. Someone (I think it might have been @kt_writes on Twitter? Not sure) linked to that page and said, “I’m not ashamed to say this made me cry.” So I read it. And became an IttyBiz fan. And bought the Online Business School product. And am using it now. And you will watch me as I use it, which is the reason for all of this recent turbulence around here.

Somehow, some way, I’m going to make my living writing and doing fun shit online. Because I’m too mad to let anything else continue.

Maybe you’re like me. Maybe you’re mad. If so, I feel your pain – oh, do I feel it. Maybe you’ll try to do what I’m doing. Maybe you’ll follow along, and we’ll see just how well that Online Business School really works.

Again, sorry for the rant. Funny next time.

 

 

 

RELATED POSTS:

  1. Cash is king
  2. I’m still mad as hell, but maybe less mad, and I’m still not going to take it anymore, but fortunately Tim Brownson is helping me out with the mad part and that fun anxiety I sometimes have. And also, I like nachos.
  3. What faith has to do with Martin Scorsese and his detachable penis

Tags:

Comments

66 Comments on I’m mad as hell, and I’m not going to take it anymore!

  1. Robyn McIntyre on Wed, 25th Mar 2009 3:36 pm

    2. You hit me where I live, dude. My position is similar, only without the real estate. Very ugly and more real than I would like. I understand the meltdown and sympathize. I also applaud you for saying out loud, in print, what’s been making your blood pressure sky high and giving you a permanent crease between the eyebrows.

    Ittybiz is cool. I’m hopeful that this product will help you shovel your way out of this crappy financial basement and I’ll check in to see how it’s going. In the meantime, if I can help in some way – just ask. @robynmcintyre

  2. kalisa on Wed, 25th Mar 2009 3:48 pm

    3. Wow, good stuff & very inspiring. I’m in a similar position – working at a job that is eating my soul and killing my spirit. Suffering daily from such psychological abuse, but can’t really leave because I NOW HAVE TO MAKE ALL MY CAREER DECISIONS BASED ON HEALTH INSURANCE. Feeling completely victimized at work and hating it. Hating it. And angry. Really fucking angry about it all.

    The inspiring part was this:
    “I’m so, so pissed at this current situation and am going to find a way to change it if it kills me. I’m going to find a way to be the writer I’m supposed to be, making my living being funny and interesting and creative.”

    I’m going to print that out & put it on my bathroom mirror at home.

  3. Barbara Martin on Wed, 25th Mar 2009 3:56 pm

    4. Anger is a great source of creative energy when you can harness it and direct it — sounds like exactly what you are doing!

  4. Johnny B. Truant on Wed, 25th Mar 2009 4:24 pm

    5. @ Robyn – Thanks for the offer. Ultimately this is my declaration of “fuck you!” to the current state of affairs.

    @ Kalisa – As a diabetic, I know what you mean. I pay through the nose for insurance, and it was hard when my wife left her 9-5 on that front when the kids were born.

    @ Barbara – Yep, pretty much. It’s all scary, but I guess it has to be. Without the fear, I wouldn’t be gunning so hard now. In fact, without the fear, I’d be very complacently doing my own 9-5 without a thought, and you certainly wouldn’t know about this blog because it wouldn’t exist.

  5. Angela V-C on Wed, 25th Mar 2009 4:27 pm

    6. Great post. Thanks for letting it all hang out there, and I’m rooting for you.

  6. Betsey on Wed, 25th Mar 2009 4:43 pm

    7. Hi, My husband and I are in “the real estate” game too.

    And when he comes upstairs and says things like “wow, the rental market is weaker than it was the last time we had to rent.” I get majorly bummed.

    Rant on.

  7. christy on Wed, 25th Mar 2009 4:44 pm

    8. Fear sucks. Seriously. And if you grab the economy by the balls, let me know. I’d love to give it a good, swift punt. Please.

    Please feel free to join my club, “I’m Really A Writer. No Seriously, It’s What I’m Supposed to Be Doing With My Life.” You’re not alone.

  8. Tim Brownson on Wed, 25th Mar 2009 4:50 pm

    9. Dude if only you could con a simpleton life coach to work with you for free, that would be a great starting point.

    Mind you, I hear they’re more fucked up than the rest of us so that would probably go horribly wrong too.

    My only other advice is to rob a bank, but they’re all empty from what I read.

  9. muskrat on Wed, 25th Mar 2009 5:07 pm

    10. Dude, I can help you. Shoot me an email. I swear I’m not trying to sell you anything.

    We did ittybiz, too (my wife did) with great results!

  10. RhondaL on Wed, 25th Mar 2009 5:17 pm

    11. Dude, I feel your pain. In the 1990s during a less steep downturn, I was you. We had believed what some people told us, so we bought a house before we sold our condo — which promptly went upside down in the market.

    Then we got a series of tenants-from-hell living in said condo. Maybe they were okay financially when they moved in, but our condo would do them in, mentally and fiscally, every time. It even busted up two marriages (not mine, thank goodness.) I actually thought about having some shaman come and perform an exorcism there.

    I hated, loathed and despised being a landlord. It messed with my health. It sucked beyond belief. I don’t advocate waiting out the market, like we did. It’s just too hard on a person. Some of us aren’t cut out to be landlords.

    Do what you can to get out from under that. I’m one of Naomi’s students, too.

  11. Shannon Wilkinson on Wed, 25th Mar 2009 5:18 pm

    12. Damn. That’s a fucking awesome post. There’s even some funny in there. The situation sucks. And you’ll kick it’s ass. One thing that really sticks with me? Your dad continuing to encourage you to write. That’s some amazing support.

  12. chris Zydel on Wed, 25th Mar 2009 5:25 pm

    13. Hey Johnny,

    That was fabulous and amazing. Just keep doing what you’re doing here. Now. It rocks. You rock. Don’t worry so much about the funny. What matters is the REAL!

    Thanks!

    Chris

  13. mary on Wed, 25th Mar 2009 5:29 pm

    14. mega sympathies

    as for the art stuff bollocks its not a condition of being miseable to being creative…

    Can I recommend to you Julia Cameron’s The Artists Way book. It really helps miserble unhappy creative types. I’ve faclitiated lots of people through it and if you have any questions feel free to email me

  14. Charlie on Wed, 25th Mar 2009 5:32 pm

    15. I feel you, man – and no need to apologize about the seriousness of it all. In it we see your humanity and know that there’s more to Johnny B. than jokes. Which makes the jokes funnier.

    I’m like you when I get mad – I don’t wallow, I get moving. And, though the real estate thing sucks (I’m stuck in a house, too), the discomfort will prompt change. We only change things when we’re uncomfortable enough to not want to deal with the discomfort any more. You’re there.

    And we’re here, too. I’m looking forward to you becoming the writer you want to be.

  15. Shannon on Wed, 25th Mar 2009 5:32 pm

    16. Rock on.

    Oh, I worked in a bagel deli for years. When you publish a book with a title as glorious as The Bialy Pimps, I will buy it and then make my old boss carry it in his store. That’s fracking genius.

  16. Maarten Elout on Wed, 25th Mar 2009 5:55 pm

    17. I don’t know if it’s any consolation but we’re all in this one together: we HAVE to do what’s in alignment with our hearts or our experience of life becomes very, VERY painful.

    And yep, it’s definitely Frost’s Road less Traveled and in the end this will have made ALL the difference! Staying the course is worth it, it’s so worth it. And from what I’ve read on your website so far you’re going to make it, I for one believe you can!

  17. Jeff Moriarty on Wed, 25th Mar 2009 6:02 pm

    18. More than a few flakes of familiarity in this post. Bummed to hear you’re stuck with part of the real estate crap sandwich, but glad you’re not letting it bust you.

    Keep at it, and work the Naomi Magic. You got some talent, man. They’ll be putting up signs in no time that read “Johnny Truant Owned This Crappy Property Before He Made It Big”.

  18. Johnny B. Truant on Wed, 25th Mar 2009 6:08 pm

    19. Hey, good stuff, everyone, thanks. Wanted to get this off my chest and I actually do feel a bit better; still the right amount of both mad and afraid, but no longer about to shit myself. Not for this reason, anyway.

    I just recorded some videos to show the first step of what I’m doing and will post them when I do my next installment on IttyBiz. I hope everyone will follow along and that at least some of you will be inspired to try this out for yourself.

    BTW, that IttyBiz link at the end of my tirade is an affiliate link, so if you’re even CONSIDERING buying OBS, you absolutely must do it through that link and get me some phat cash so you can say you were a part of the revolution.

  19. Naomi Dunford on Wed, 25th Mar 2009 6:20 pm

    20. @ Jeff — That sign is the best thing I’ve heard all week. Maybe month. Not sure.

    @ Johnny — I don’t care if you’re mad and I don’t care if you’re not going to take it, you’re still a whore.

  20. Lori Iwan on Wed, 25th Mar 2009 6:50 pm

    21. The rant showcases your writing talent in your ability to colorfully state what many people are thinking. But staying in the real estate abyss is like throwing money down a rat hole. You’re thinking the real estate will come back to market value and you’ll sell it then and walk away. But the better view is to dump the loser’s now, take the tax deduction and walk away. Put your savings into an asset with the real potential to recover fast and certainly faster than Ohio real estate. Face it, you’re burned out and frustrated and have a ball and chain on your ankles but don’t realize you have the key in your hand to walk away. When you do that, you will wake up the next morning ready to write something hilarious about the insanity of it all and the beauty of being free and uncommitted to anything. Why do I say that? I’ve been there and I crawled out of the burnout/frustration abyss in a much better position with a better view of the world. And I got my smile back.

  21. @TheGirlPie on Wed, 25th Mar 2009 6:56 pm

    22. Good, get it out — then assign someone to do these things –

    A) I want you to sell t-shirts on your site that read: “I read Johnny B.Truant’s Crappy Rants Before He Made It Big” — and no, that’s affection, not a review. I’ll buy some for me and my pals and all your twitter pals will want one too –

    B) Sell THE BIALY PIMPS now, on your site; grass roots popularity/WOM/sales is the biggest attention-getter of publishers afraid to take a risk — I want to buy it and would pay a subscription to read it in installments, like the magazines used to serialize Hemingway (no expectations…) –

    C) Get together with the gal on twitter who does #ideaparty and maybe with Guy K. or Tim Ferriss or some other biggie-plugged-in-do-gooder and set up a program with the local Cleveland abuse shelter to have your followers, fans, everyone, sponsor (for $1 or whatever) monthly stays for a few “women+children escaping abuse” groups to share and work as families in your vacant properties so you make it a non-profit and take the tax-shelter write-off for the loss, and everyone feels good about donating/sponsoring the time these women/kids need in a better-than-a-shelter to get situated after fleeing abusers, and the city loves that you’re an alternative to the overwhelmed shelters, etc. Make your properties work for you.

    (I get your gripe, we own a home leased out to [wonderful] tenants and write those [small] ‘gap checks’ every month too, but in our case it’s far less than the cost of all alternatives.)

    It’s a good sign that you are talented even when pissed and scared and (pleasant surprise and distinction from most) are actively doing something about it.

    Good rant, you s’more.

  22. Michelle Russell on Wed, 25th Mar 2009 7:41 pm

    23. Johnny, go you! I second the “no apologies needed.” And your anger is 100% justified. Good for you for: (a) having the cojones to put this out there publicly; and (b) getting ACTIVE while you’re getting angry. We’re seeing the real Johnny now. And we’re LIKING him, too.

    And yeah, I’d buy BIALY PIMPS if only to own a book so titled. The fact that it was also written by you is yummy gravy.

  23. Mike on Wed, 25th Mar 2009 8:11 pm

    24. And I’ll third “no apology needed”. There are a lot of us that got caught by this real estate deal. I started a massive remodel + move project a couple years back http://www.stankavich.com/index.php/2008/11/housing-bubble/ and didn’t get the existing house sold before the downturn. I went from money ahead, equity, and no consumer debt to damn near bankruptcy today. I’m in the process of putting together a short sale on the old house for whatever I can get – there’s no way I can wait out this market. Obviously I don’t know the details of your situation, but could you do a short sale or two and get rid of your worst alligators? The credit hit can be minimized.

    You can count me in as one of your true fans. I still burst into uncontrollable laughter every time I think about Constipated Santa. Go get ‘em Johnny, I know you can do it.

  24. Grace on Wed, 25th Mar 2009 8:14 pm

    25. Wow, Johnny! I humbly admit I don’t always read your blog, but something about how many times it was RT’d on Twitter made me come look.

    I third “no apologies needed.” And I’m so, so with you on the pissed-off fear thing. I think you spoke for a LOT of people – and it sure helps to see what I’ve been thinking and feeling spelled out in a big fat hairy terrific profane rant! :)

    Thanks. And I’ll be watching with a lot of encouragement and curiosity to see how fast you can make it big!

  25. Johnny B. Truant on Wed, 25th Mar 2009 8:36 pm

    26. @ Naomi – That makes you the Madam. So I’m cool with that.

    @ Lori – If only I could! I can’t sell the good ones outright (have to do lease-purchase; the buyers just aren’t ready) and forget about the bad ones… they’re not worth what I owe. I DO NOT want to ride it out. I would love to dump the entire thing. But how, without serious consequences?

    @ GP – As usual, too much good stuff to reply here. I’ll hit you up via email.

    @ Mike – I talked to someone about short sales and the process sounded hideous. You’re saying it’s not too bad? I have some good properties, but there is one that is way overleveraged but manageable and three that are absolute fuckers. I can’t get people in those. Although I like GP’s suggestion and will follow up.

    @ Everyone I didn’t mention specifically – Serious big thanks for the comments and support!

  26. John on Wed, 25th Mar 2009 9:10 pm

    27. Hang in there Johnny. I feel your pain. As a household of four we have just one paycheck each month. The last week of the month can be very difficult. We have some bad months too. But we’ll make it and you’ll make it too! I’ll be following your progress with great interest.

  27. LOBO on Wed, 25th Mar 2009 10:08 pm

    28. Um, wait … the Economy is happening? This blog is so complicated.

    Hang in there Johnny. I don’t think we’re that for “off track.” Television is going to the internet. Radio is going to the internet.

    -The public consumer is coming to us.

    Be prepared.

  28. Mike on Thu, 26th Mar 2009 12:22 pm

    29. Re the pain level for short sales, it depends on how you define hideous. Is it fun? No, of course not. But does it alleviate long term pain and aggravation? I sure hope so. I’m at least hoping that it’s more a short term pain in the ass than an interminable hideous nightmare. I’ll blog about how it goes for me at http://stankavich.com.

  29. BlueSteel on Thu, 26th Mar 2009 12:36 pm

    30. OMG, you really are the eternal caretaker! I fear that if I look at your laptop, I’ll find nothing more than files filled with “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.”

    Since you said that you believe in God, you should know that Fear is a spirit and it’s from the devil. 2 Timothy 1:7 says -”God has not given us a spirit of fear but a spirit of power, of love and self-control.”

    Keep your chin up. Hopefully, this will turn around soon.

  30. Johnny B. Truant on Thu, 26th Mar 2009 2:13 pm

    31. Thanks for the thoughts, Mike. I’m hoping it doesn’t come to that, but I do know it to be a “lesser of evils.” Honestly in an ideal scenario, I’ll just make a shitload of money and then not even attempt to sell them. I’d just donate them.

    This is another reason I should be rich. I’m generous as a motherfucker. I’d build libraries, etc.

    @ BlueSteel – Thanks for that. And because you’re someone I respect and know I can discuss intelligently with, I have a follow-up for you with my not-totally-normal spirituality: I’ve found that fear is actually a great (but hideous) motivator for me, per this guest post on Tim Brownson’s blog (you may know him in the past as a guy who commented in this thread and in the future as the guy who I’ve conned into coaching me for free): http://www.adaringadventure.com/blog/wordpress/guest-posts/why-fear-is-good/

    So if fear is from the Devil, how do I reconcile that with the fact that it has ultimately led me to better things… to escape the fear? Or is the correct interpretation that a dichotomy must exist and that by fleeing fear (evil) I tacitly run toward God, and THAT is what’s good about the whole thing?

    Because I have to admit that the fear serves me in the end, even though I absolutely hate and loathe it. It’s my loathing that causes it to serve me, because I have to get away from it.

    Just curious as to what forces you feel are at work there. I would say that if I hadn’t had fear in the past, I would be worse off in general even though the process of “getting through” was terrible.

    I totally welcome intelligent theological discussion because I know you won’t get all mega-Jesusy on me, which is greatly appreciated.

  31. Casey on Thu, 26th Mar 2009 2:25 pm

    32. In 2005 I had a divorce that left me with a massive debt – I did debt consolidation in early 2006. In late 2007 I had a stroke that left me with even more massive debt and a year on disability to rehab my brain.
    A year of disability and brain training gives you a lot of time to think. With Havi’s guidance, I had some pretty powerful realizations, one of which was this: Financial ruin has always preceded the best periods in my life. I’m not saying that you should try the ruination part, but it could be that these problems may be the preamble of Great Things on your horizon. I certainly hope so!

  32. Delmont88 on Thu, 26th Mar 2009 3:05 pm

    33. Johnny…

    unknowingly, you lit a lightbulb in my unemployed somewhat panicky brain…

  33. BlueSteel on Thu, 26th Mar 2009 3:41 pm

    34. I’m sure that some psychologist or self-help guru will tell you that fear is good, fear is necessary, or fear is a normal human emotion. Heck, with Google, you can find anything to support any opinion, but that doesn’t necessarily make it right.

    From a Christian standpoint, the Bible has quite a bit to say about fear. In fact it mentions two specific types of fear. The first type is beneficial and is to be encouraged. The second type is a detriment and is to be not only discouraged, but overcome. You can read all about this here: http://www.gotquestions.org/Bible-fear.html Go ahead, I’ll wait. (You should use that, it’s good)

    Now how does this apply to your question? I’d love to hear you say that your type of fear is the fear of the Lord and that’s why you’ve had great success from it. But I don’t think that’s the case. I sense that your fear is rooted in failing, not being able to provide for your wife and kids, losing your house(s), etc.

    I don’t know that I can give you the black-and-white answer that you’re looking for. You asked that (I’m paraphrasing here) “by fleeing your fear, did you unknowingly run towards God”. Yes, you’ve been able to “channel” fear to work for you, but did you ask God for help and guidance in overcoming your fear? Have you actually overcome your fear or just outrun it for a month or two, before you feel it nipping at your heels again? Wouldn’t it be better to conquer this spirit of fear once and for all? Only you can answer that.

    This economy that isn’t happening, affects each of us, whether we want to admit it or not. Who doesn’t know someone that’s been laid off, lost their home or their savings? As co-owner of a software development company, I see the affects everyday. We’ve had to institute pay cuts for our employees, taken away retirement plan contributions and cut down the number of paid days off, just to keep from laying off 4 people. Oh, and BTW, making collection calls suck.

    Philippians 4:6 says “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” I’ve been meditating on that a lot recently. Be anxious for nothing. Why spend your time worrying about things that you cannot change anyway? I know that God will provide for me and my family.

    I encourage you to seek God’s truth, challenge every fear-based thought to find out what is really true and what is a lie. Everything you need to overcome fear is available to you through Jesus Christ and can be found by those who seek Him, who learn to put on His character as their own, and who abide in His Word.

    It’s extremely hard to give a Christian viewpoint, without getting too Jesusy.

    Good Luck with your endeavors, Johnny. Things will turn around soon. And when they do, don’t be surprised if it’s not like you thought it would be. God does that to you. A lot.

    Until next time, brutha.

  34. James | Dancing Geek on Thu, 26th Mar 2009 11:30 pm

    35. *stands and applauds*

  35. Johnny B. Truant on Sat, 28th Mar 2009 11:21 am

    36. @ Casey – You’re 100% right. I hope that this post comes off as me being ANGRY AND MOTIVATED, not DESPERATE AND DESPAIRING. I think that every great success story has a chapter like this. Everyone needs something to point to and say, “This was when I decided it was going to change.” This post was my manifesto. And I believe that it’s always darkest before the dawn, and yes, I think the sun is already rising.

    @ BlueSteel – I think our thinking is more alike than different. I have felt from the beginning that many things, this included, are a kind of test of faith. I don’t go to church and I haven’t read the bible, but I do think that if we sat down and chatted, we’d agree more than disagree. And you still somehow have Lost figured out better than I do, which sort of says it all.

  36. Happy Fun Pants on Sat, 28th Mar 2009 10:19 pm

    37. So your posting (which I read yesterday at work because it’s way more interesting than doing my actual job) got me thinking quite a bit. And what I’d like to say is that there are so many others (including myself) that are in the same boat as you.

    Constantly worrying about finances and it’s effects on our lives and the lives of those that we love is sucking us dry of all the energy that it takes to live this life. You can only feel that for so long before you start getting mad.

    While I don’t have any solutions, I guess I just want to say that I hear you.

    Oh – and I think that you will get a lot more traffic as time goes on. It may not happen as fast as you’d like, but it’s undeniable. I found your blog awhile back through Chuck Westbrook’s blog post (crap – I hope I got his name right)…and you’re the only blog that I’ve continued to read past the first few posts. Mostly because I can only take so many posts about kittens and shit I don’t like to read about. Seriously. Cats. Really? Wait. This is about you. And your stroke kids. All I’m saying is that you have talent…and that news of your fantasticness will likely spread like herpes. Or wildfires if you live in California.

  37. Johnny B. Truant on Mon, 30th Mar 2009 7:04 am

    38. This is interesting because your screen name makes me imaging I’m addressing a clown. In giant Hammer pants.

    You’re right. Everyone is in it to some degree. Even rich people are going to feel it, albeit in a different and probably less frightening way, because the damn thing is systemic. But what are we all going to do — throw up our hands and say, “I tried?” No. Yoda knows that “trying” is bullshit, and do you think you know more than Yoda? I sure as hell think not.

    Thanks for the props. Monday, I’m going to share some photos of my cats.

  38. The Economy Isn’t Happening » Blog Archive » I’m developed like film, yo on Mon, 30th Mar 2009 9:01 am

    39. [...] has been frustrating lately. You’ll know that if you read my rant. (And by “you,” I also mean my closest friends and family, because I apparently forgot [...]

  39. Alice on Mon, 30th Mar 2009 9:32 pm

    40. Panic not. No one as awesomely funny as you will be forced to work in a non-writing field for too long. All will be well. Zen and vodka, those are my tips for surviving until then. :)

  40. Johnny B. Truant on Thu, 2nd Apr 2009 4:55 pm

    41. Yeah, I actually don’t panic about this sort of thing. Fear yes, panic no.

    It’s strange. And thanks.

  41. Lori Iwan on Thu, 2nd Apr 2009 5:11 pm

    42. Oprah covered your situation with Suzie Orman this morning on her show. It usually repeats at 11 pm central on ABC in the midwest. It is worth watching. Orman has written a book for surviving 2009 — it changes the conventional advice to advice tailored to this mess. One key point, do not pay off your credit cards in full each month. The credit card companies are CANCELLING the cards the minute you pay off the balance. Same is occurring with lines of credit. The banks are unilaterally cutting them in half. Orman suggested many ways people can reduce their monthly expenses by thousands of dollars if you recognize you could be in dire straits soon or even within 12 months. I urge people to watch the show and if they can’t, spend the night with the book. Orman urges everyone to live on 1/2 their income and bank cash, that’s right, cash for when you need it. She also highlights all sorts of changes that help anyone affected by the loss of a job re: healthcare/Cobra costs, length of time to apply for and receive unemployment compensation with online registration. Oprah’s site has a lot more advice and information on the topic: http://www.oprah.com. Main thing, accept how you are living now, don’t dwell on how it was or could have been.

  42. Wendy Maynard on Thu, 2nd Apr 2009 11:13 pm

    43. Hi Johnny,

    I admire your honesty and your rant. I am right there with you in the real estate hell hole. And I laughed because about I am feeling everything you said about fearing the letters and e-mails you get AND hating those stupid real estate books!! My word of the year is “Surrender” because there is so much turbulence happening around us, that it’s the best word I can come up with to accept and ride it out.

    Best, Wendy
    http://www.mavendiary.com

  43. Johnny B. Truant on Fri, 3rd Apr 2009 8:01 am

    44. Ah, but I can’t think in terms of “surrender.” How about something more neutral or positive, like “nonresistant”? That implies I’m going with the flow, but not that it’s going to beat me.

    (Yes, I realize the logical paradox!)

  44. Wendy Maynard on Wed, 8th Apr 2009 12:16 pm

    45. On top of what I mentioned, I also have a new baby (first time mom at 40) so for me, it’s all about Surrender. I wrote a post about the mommy thing here: http://wendy.kinesisinc.com/2009/01/06/my-new-year-starts-off-with-a-sigh/ in case you’re curious. Maybe for you, it’s more like “No Surrender!” or “Charge!” or “Take No Prisoners!.” Everyone needs a little self mantra, after all.

    Best, Wendy

  45. The Economy Isn’t Happening » Blog Archive » I’m still mad as hell, but maybe less mad, and I’m still not going to take it anymore, but fortunately Tim Brownson is helping me out with the mad part and that fun anxiety I somet on Fri, 17th Apr 2009 8:06 am

    46. [...] few weeks ago I wrote about how I was mad as hell, and pretty reticent about taking it anymore. I decided then and there that the only way out of my [...]

  46. Johnny Gives Numbers: How Much Money Did He Make? | IttyBiz on Mon, 11th May 2009 5:49 pm

    47. [...] you have the time, why don’t you head on over and give that manifesto a read. Yes, it’ll take you a few minutes, but I have a sneaking suspicion that many of you may see [...]

  47. Omar on Tue, 12th May 2009 10:23 am

    48. What an intense post. Its heartfelt man. I know how you feel. I’ve been there when you are so pissed that you have to change things. Your sick and tired of being sick and tired as the saying goes. You feel as if your going to lose your mind because of your unhappiness with the situation. Right now, I am focusing on making moves to fulfill my dreams of making money doing what I love. I work part time doing things just to pay bills. Your article is very inspirational. You have to get to that point to really make a difference. I wish you the best. God bless you for being honest. Things will turn around. Keep the faith.

  48. Mike Drips on Tue, 12th May 2009 7:28 pm

    49. OMG! You invested in real estate in CLEVELAND? My ribs are aching from the laughter! I think I just blew snot all over my keyboard. You are SO F**KED!

    Did you have a brain tumor operation and they took out your brain by mistake?

    Well the good news is that you may possibly have recovered from the T. Harv Eker, Robert Allen, Rober Kiyosaki school of TOTAL BS on making money in the real estate market. They make money on seminars and book sales about making money in real estate. They don’t appear to do any actual real estate investing themselves.

    I’m on your side, man I HATE these people in the blogosphere that take YOUR MONEY and then give you their worthless advice telling you to risk YOUR money, YOUR job, YOUR financial security, etcetera without ANY risk to themselves!

    I love your site, I love Naomi’s site (unless it turns out that you and Naomi are the same person which would be OK, but weird) and I will do what I can to help support you financially as soon as you go through a 12 step program for real estate investment.

    Final note: Glad to hear you are religious, but I mentioned your name in a conversation with God the other day, and God said “Who?”

    OK, resuming radio silence…

  49. Johnny B. Truant on Tue, 12th May 2009 8:46 pm

    50. Wow, it’s like the perfect combination of hate mail and fan mail. And they said it couldn’t be done.

    @Omar – Thanks, man. I was watching (of all things) the new “The Day the Earth Stood Still” and John Cleese’s character explains how it’s only at the precipice, facing disaster, that we changed. And I was like, Can I take wisdom from a Keanu Reeves movie? And I decided I could.

  50. Johnny B. Truant on Tue, 12th May 2009 8:48 pm

    51. Haha! Mike, I guess that WAS more fan mail? I just went to your site. You’re a funny dude. I felt like I got beaten to earn this praise.

  51. Mike Drips on Wed, 13th May 2009 11:11 am

    52. Yeah I tweeted for people to visit your site as well.

    One day in the future when I am standing in line for ice cream in HELL, I will possibly get an extra scoop just for the karmic value of virtually supporting you.

    Last night I virtually went out and mowed your lawn and washed both of your cars (although you really need to trade the ugly one in on something more upscale like say, um, well it’s too bad they don’t still sell Yugos…).

  52. The Economy Isn’t Happening » Blog Archive » Every little thing is going to be all right on Fri, 15th May 2009 7:36 am

    53. [...] re-reading this post about how I was “mad as hell” makes me wince. Not because it reminds me of all of the shit that’s in it, but because it [...]

  53. Johnny B. Truant on Fri, 15th May 2009 1:39 pm

    54. My progress report on this nasty shit is in today’s post: http://is.gd/A7a5

    Fortunately, Mike will still have plenty to mock me for.

  54. Kelly on Sat, 16th May 2009 9:46 pm

    55. A friend said to me yesterday (after I spent the day crying onto my keyboard) that I needed to look inside and learn how to leverage my abilities and my interests and that the internet is probably the most profitable place to do so. Boy, howdy did I roll my eyes at the phone. I mean, sure, sure. I love to garden. I love food. I love teaching people how to plant shit and then cook it and eat it. Whatever.

    I’ve blogged for a decade and never made more than $500 in a year. I quit my cubicle job (staff copywriter for big toy company) last fall because it was killing me and I thought I had enough freelance/consulting writing work lined up to cover things, but then my husband’s business began to tank after 20 years of swimming in place. My contract hours decreased. He stopped collecting pay but still works 12 hr days trying to get it back again (manufacturing biz…we’re in Ohio, too…a little SE of you).

    We moved out of a house 4 years ago when we moved into town to help out with his ailing parents, and then couldn’t sell it, we finally landed a RTO contract with a nice couple with 5 kids. They’re breaking the contract after almost a year because a Tier 3 child molester moved in across the street. We’re SO out of money, it’s shocking. We stopped paying that other house payment this month with the hope of short selling it, and nothing has ever felt quite as shitty as knowing we can’t manage what we chose. I’ve had a stomach ache for weeks, chest pains, and a crippling inability to take any action other than pulling weeds and planting shit in my garden.

    I’ve been back in contact with peeps from the corporate job I left, and that door is still open to me, but I can’t shake the feeling that stepping back into that world will be like duct-taping my soul shut. I know that’s true because I dream about it every night and it’s emotional torture with too much internet time and fluorescent lighting and burnt coffee.

    I’ve been feeling for two weeks like the universe is taking a steaming, wet Schlitz shit in my mouth and there’s nothing I can do about it. Until today.

    Today, Naomi tweeted your post (the one following this one) and I spent most of the day reading you, the Project Mojave stuff, IttyBiz and taking copious notes. I’m seeing for the first time the real reason I left my cubicle job and the real work I have ahead of me. I’m all fucking teary-eyed again, but not in a hopeless/helpless way like I was yesterday. Today I feel like I have something to offer and some work to do. Hell, I filled ten pages with mind maps of my ideas today.

    Thank you. (I just started following you on twitter, too…@kfedup).

    I need to figure out where the hell to get the $ from, but I’ll be using your affiliate link when I do. Jesus.

  55. Johnny B. Truant on Sun, 17th May 2009 9:31 pm

    56. Wow, that’s actually pretty hard for me to read because it hits home. Keep me posted on your progress, okay?

  56. ebele on Mon, 25th May 2009 11:27 pm

    57. Johnny,

    Parts of what you wrote really connected with me – sometimes shockingly so as it was almost word for word.

    Rather than anger, I’m in a state of droopy-eared-ness. Too tired to feel GRRRRRR at the mo’.

    Thanks for your post, though. I can see how you’ve moved forward from it and I’m really glad you’re in a better place, doing more of what you really want to do.

    take care…

  57. Johnny B. Truant on Wed, 27th May 2009 8:09 am

    58. MORE of, yes. But I find that “real work” is really getting in the way.

    You know, it’s funny… the closer I get to doing what I really want, the harder it is to do the stuff I “have” to do for the whole day job thing. Hmm.

  58. Starting An Online Business | Begining To Start An Online Business on Thu, 28th May 2009 7:52 pm

    59. [...] about starting an online business, but I really couldn’t imagine how it would work. Well, seeing where Johnny started (I hope he doesn’t mind that we’re on a first name basis), and that he made almost [...]

  59. Gregg Stutts on Fri, 28th Aug 2009 12:00 pm

    60. Great post–honest and vulnerable. (Read it after your referenced it in your copyblogger post about getting more comments). I think it’s Stephen King who says to just tell the truth in your writing. You did.

    I can relate to the fear and worry. Obviously, you’re not surprised that a lot of people can.

    Thanks for telling the truth.

  60. Johnny B. Truant on Fri, 28th Aug 2009 12:14 pm

    61. Yep, Stephen King… one of my favorites, and I know he makes that point in “On Writing.” This all (the Copyblogger stuff and the posts here) comes down to being yourself as much as possible. People will either like it and resonate with it or not.

    Thanks!

  61. Constantin on Sat, 29th Aug 2009 8:59 am

    62. I’ve been there and I believe many of us passed through the same ‘victim state’. The point is that one has to accept his/her fears in order to overcome them. There’s no doubt people who really try to do what they REALLY want will succeed.
    Thanks for the honest post!

  62. Johnny B. Truant on Tue, 1st Sep 2009 1:25 pm

    63. I think it all has a purpose. I wouldn’t be doing what I’m doing if not for this calamity, honestly. Is it time for me to look back on it and laugh yet?

  63. Why I’m exactly like Morpheus (How to turn your life totally backward in six months) : Johnny B. Truant on Thu, 24th Sep 2009 8:27 am

    64. [...] $6000. I don’t do that, we suffer. And all the while, I’ve also been fighting the real estate monster. I had to borrow some here and there, but I basically relied on steady work from that client base [...]

  64. Why Arnold Schwarzenegger would fuck you up : Johnny B. Truant on Tue, 19th Jan 2010 9:27 pm

    65. [...] to work with Lira Vaughan, who I’m still surprised is willing to help get a handle on my incredibly shitty real estate investments. What Lira is good at is recognizing patterns in people and in routines, and finding ways to [...]

  65. A Short List of People I Follow On Twitter | Strawberry Mayonnaise on Tue, 9th Feb 2010 9:44 am

    66. [...] have been following Johnny’s online biz adventure since this post in March 2009, when he started working with @Ittybiz (Naomi Dunford).  I took advantage of [...]

  66. What faith has to do with Martin Scorsese and his detachable penis | Johnny B. Truant on Fri, 5th Mar 2010 2:01 pm

    67. [...] would be festering in a lab somewhere right now. So, it was a good thing. And if I hadn’t had my real estate bummer, I would never have started this blog and this business, which now accounts for 100% of my income. [...]

Tell me what you're thinking...
and oh, if you want a pic to show with your comment, go get a gravatar!