I’m sleeping with my assistant

November 18, 2009 by Johnny
Filed under: Life of Johnny, Online biz

One of the fun things about this blog is the way I open up a topic, and then don’t say shit about it for weeks or months and you get to wonder if I’ve forgotten all about it or if I’m actually going to close the loop and let you know how it all turns out.

(Of course, my perception that this is the fun thing about this blog is also probably just narcissism, because chances are that nobody is reading close enough to have climbed out onto the edge of their seats in anticipation of my following up. I may be here fretting that you are all mad at me for not explaining how X or Y worked out or if I ever did Z, when actually you’re just drunk and reading Perez Hilton while playing Mafia Wars or one of the other myriad online whatevers that I’ve totally ignored.)

Anyway, let’s make it clear that I am NOT a non-follow-through guy (usually) and DO close my loops (sometimes) so that I can keep my promises and maintain a sort of clean, distinguished continuity to this blog (unlikely).

So what’s this all about?

Well, let’s take the latest open question. You may be wondering whatever happened with my assistant situation. Like, maybe you’re at the point in your business where you really should have an assistant and are hungry for more information on the topic in the way that today’s sexy teen vampires are hungry for blood and/or Seventeen magazine and box office receipts.

So here’s what happened:

1. I decided that I really needed an assistant. Like, things had gotten too crazy around here and I was spending too much time on menial tasks. If I was to keep earning and growing, I knew I had to get some of those details and loose ends and lower-end items off of my desk so that I’d have room for more high-paying tasks.

2. I talked to my mother nee hiring-assistants expert about the best way to find, hire, and work with a V.A. (virtual assistant), then read her e-book and listened to the included interviews to hear what others had to say, then did some of the exercises she describes in said e-book, then decided what I could and should be outsourcing, and then finally got used to envisioning my life with an assistant — which wasn’t too different from Homer Simpson’s fantasy about working from home except that I’m less fat and don’t like beer.

3. I started my V.A. search and along the way got some interest from people who wanted to work for me for free, which is just nutty. I decided that I liked the idea of working with an unpaid intern (the price was right), but would still need a professional V.A. to handle the stuff these folks didn’t yet know how to do and also, frankly, I wanted someone with professional V.A. certifications and recommendations out the ass to handle some of the more personal and/or confidential stuff because it’s hard enough to trust a person you don’t know until you know them.

Then,

4. I hired my wife.

Number four is the best one.

So I should explain myself. Saying “I hired my wife” sounds like “I asked my illiterate cousin Jimmy to write my thesis because he would do it for $10″ or “I had the kid next store build my website because he knows about computers or something.” Hiring someone in your immediate circle is usually a move people make when they want things to be cheap or free, not when they want things done spectacularly. I mean, Jimmy might luck into a good manifesto (perhaps he trained with a billion monkeys working at a billion typewriters) and the kid next door might end up being competent. But that’s not why you hired them. You did it because you didn’t want to spend money.

My wife, Robin, isn’t a V.A. (yet), but she is a bookkeeper who used to work in corporate accounting and happens to be very good at what I need most out of an assistant: keeping track of projects, prospect trails, tasks, and general loose ends so that I don’t have to attempt (attempt) to do it myself. She’s good at the admin and is smart enough to learn the technical.

Honestly, the solution is so good that I can’t believe we didn’t think of it earlier. Robin works part-time as a bookkeeper in an office and works part-time doing the same thing from home. She was looking to pick up more work at the same time I was thinking of hiring a V.A. She asked what I wanted a V.A. to do, and I described it, putting particular onus on my chief aim: getting someone in a position to have my back on all of the details in my business, and being able to toss information to someone that I would normally attempt to keep track of myself — and then be able to trust that they would coordinate it for me and keep me on task.

So she’s like, “Why don’t I do it?”

So we gave it a shot. And HOLY SHIT MARY is it awesome.

Here’s what she’s doing for me so far.

1. Keeping my calendar and managing my to-do list.
So far, we’re doing this using Google’s free calendar online, but I’m not terribly satisfied with it. On one hand, having someone schedule my calls and appointments is fantastic, but on the other hand, Google’s functionality just isn’t there. You can’t prioritize to-dos or set reminders for them, and you can’t color-code anything or tie it to a larger goal. So I’m considering a few alternatives.

2. Keeping track of my projects and prospects.
At any given time, I have 5-7 live projects in the works for clients and have maybe 15 prospects who have contacted me about a job but who haven’t yet committed or done anything. Many of these prospects simply vanish. So, keeping on top of these lists requires knowing the status, when we’ve last made contact, who has paid how much, whether they’ve gotten hosting yet if it’s required, if they’ve committed in some way or are just kind of thinking. We’re now handling all of this via a shared Google Docs spreadsheet, which is a load off my mind. It used to take a TON of mental energy.

3. Pre-screening my email.
Robin goes through my email before I see it and removes spam, notes job progress from clients, and refollows (or doesn’t refollow) new Twitter followers. (So if you follow me and I don’t follow you back, it’s either because she hates you or because your profile and tweet history looks like that a spammy dickhead.) Only then does stuff come to me so that I can read, respond, whatever. So for those of you who are in love with me and want to send naked photos, you should reconsider or I should open a backup email address.

4. Doing some of the “mechanical” tech tasks.
We’re just starting this because Robin isn’t nearly as techy as I am. But my goal is to have her learn to do the repetitive, no-creativity-required tasks that I run across, like launching a blog’s architecture before I go in and pretty it up, sending emails that I write to my list, doing shopping cart stuff, etc. Basically, we’re talking tasks that I can write out directions for in step-by-step fashion.

5. Doing my billing.
I don’t bill many clients, because most people pay me in full in advance, but I do still have some legacy clients for whom I do hourly work and bill each month. Billing used to be scattered and took me forever, but now I just note my time in a Google Doc and at the beginning of each month, billing is magically handled for me.

The challenge is learning to trust the system, and to not circumvent it by trying to still keep track of all of that stuff EVEN THOUGH A SYSTEM EXISTS to free me from if. Like, Robin is supposed to pre-screen all my email and then send the good stuff to me, but I can’t yet stop myself from incessantly checking it prior to screening.

But yeah, it’s been very cool. If you need an assistant, find a way to get one. It’ll be a load off of your mind.

Oh, and there’s one more thing.

As a bonus, remember the folks who wanted to work as “interns,” despite the fact that “intern” is a demeaning term implying that they’d simply bring me coffee all day and that I’d throw danishes at them when I was in a pissy mood?

Well, Lira Vaughan won that particular spot. I interviewed Lira in the way suggested by that V.A. e-book I keep mentioning, and she passed, and we clicked pretty well, and I liked that in addition to being good assistant material for what needed of her (mainly developing an organization system and a bunch of fun stuff that I’ve decided I’d kind of like her to coordinate but haven’t yet mentioned… hey there, Lira!), she’s also a laser physicist. This is good, because I like the idea that when I mention that one of my coffee cups has gone missing, she might propose that a quantum tunneling event has caused it to vanish and reappear in Idaho, and I also like that she’s going to understand my many jokes involving Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle (No, officer, I can’t tell you how fast I was going, but I can tell you exactly where I am).

I’m “paying” Lira in trade. She’ll help me and I’ll help her, and I also gave her all of my stuff for free, like Zero to Business and my often smooth and mellow Jam Sessions series with Charlie Gilkey, which is NOT being sued by Rupert Murdoch no matter what anyone tells you.

So in conclusion, if you want an assistant but don’t have the money to do so, find someone competent in your circle and then marry them, or else find a physicist and give them things that involve Charlie Gilkey. Both tactics are working well for me.

Comments

22 Comments on I’m sleeping with my assistant

Kat on Wed, 18th Nov 2009 8:53 am

You can actually color code in Google Calendar and tie things to a larger project… sort of. The key is creating separate, differently-colored calendars, which you can then view altogether or individually turn on and off. Sorry if this is something you already know and have rejected as unworkable. Google Calendar is the best thing that’s ever happened to me, so apparently I’m proselytizing.

In less geeky news, congrats! It sounds like a great solution. Best of luck.

Genuine Chris Johnson on Wed, 18th Nov 2009 9:00 am

So are you now making your bitch the Internet?

Johnny on Wed, 18th Nov 2009 9:11 am

Man, Kat, that sounds like a lot of work.

And Chris, your new avatar is so perfect with that comment.

Jess on Wed, 18th Nov 2009 9:37 am

On a rather weedy day, I’m managing upwards of 50 energy analysis projects in progress by as many as 15 different consultants. I, too, used to manage this with a spreadsheet… until I found 5pm.

http://www.5pmweb.com/?ref=u786458

Yes, that’s totally an affiliate link (I learned from the best!), but I’m posting it because these guys are awesome.

I think the new Google Sites functionality will address some of this (Wave is a good start for team collaboration), but in the meantime, I’m sticking with my 5pm portal.

… just a thought.

And rock on, Robin and Lira!

Darcy on Wed, 18th Nov 2009 10:02 am

I actually have been wondering what happened with you hiring an assistant, and I’m so delighted there’s a way to do it where you can just keep your income in your own household. That has to be all kinds of wonderful. Hooray for happy outcomes.

Scott on Wed, 18th Nov 2009 10:46 am

Remember the Milk is a particularly juicy web-based task management tool.

I know, however, that people (myself included) are particular about these things… so you’ll likely have to give it a go to know if it will meet your needs.

Genuine Chris Johnson on Wed, 18th Nov 2009 11:08 am

You like this avatar better?

Lira on Wed, 18th Nov 2009 11:45 am

Now, if your coffee cup go missing then I’d start wondering if you managed to get an early release version of the table top black hole that was invented last month. I’m dying to get my hands on one of those… mostly because I’m worried that Stewie will beat me to the punch and take over the world before I can solidify my plans.

Luckily, this makes me perfect for coordinating awesome shit and throwing spitballs at you. (or was that the other way around)

Johnny on Wed, 18th Nov 2009 11:53 am

@ Jess and Scott – Awesome, didn’t anticipate suggestions, but thanks a ton. I’ll check them out!

@ Chris – I love that the old avatar still exists, meaning that you went to the trouble to set it up on a different email address. Which is surprising because you only have fifteen email addresses, so you’re in danger of using them all up.

@ Darcy – And thanks to this, some day soon, I’ll actually be able to answer your email!

@ Lira – I can’t believe nobody so far has laughed (metaphorically) at the Heisenberg joke.

bunkerhubby on Wed, 18th Nov 2009 12:46 pm

I married @Astrogirl426 (twitter) hoping to have her be my assistant. I should have known better. I would advise against friends & relatives as assistants. It is tough to fire them. Glad yours worked out. The fantasy of my wife being my assistant lives on!

Wendy Cholbi on Wed, 18th Nov 2009 4:33 pm

Johnny, you’re either very brave, or very foolish, to take on the challenge of working with a spouse. I sure hope it turns out to be the first

So your earlier incarnation as LearnToBeYourOwnVA seems a teeny bit ironic in retrospect, doesn’t it? (I know, like you haven’t heard THAT before…)

In all seriousness, congratulations on biggifying into having helpers, paid or not. The gem in this post is this comment:

“The challenge is learning to trust the system, and to not circumvent it by trying to still keep track of all of that stuff EVEN THOUGH A SYSTEM EXISTS to free me from it.”

Yep. Whatever system(s) you build, you’ve got to build them in a way that you can (eventually) rely on them. Like, totally rely on them. And that’s a lot easier if they are being managed by a person you can totally rely on. Thanks for the update!

Tzaddi on Wed, 18th Nov 2009 7:54 pm

I guess I could tell people I’m sleeping with my chef and my carpenter, see what kind of rumours that starts.

Gmail tasks are handy, in case you haven’t tried them. They’re built into the email interface, you can create multiple lists and set dates, drag them up & down to order them. You can also associate an email with a task so you can just click from one to the other. My inbox is less crazy since I started doing that.

Aislyn Laurent on Wed, 18th Nov 2009 10:55 pm

mmm…. Lazorz.

Johnny on Fri, 20th Nov 2009 12:49 pm

@bunkerhubby – Yes, but she’d make a caustic assistant from what I can tell. My wife is less feisty. I get the impression you’d ask your wife to do an assistant task and she’d tell you to go fuck yourself. Or am I wrong?

@wendy – The irony isn’t lost on me… although I still think you can/should learn to be your own VA if you have the time and lack budget. Outsourcing only makes financial sense when you have a more valuable activity to put in its place… if you hire someone and then go play Pac Man, you’re kind of not going anywhere.

@tzaddi – I’ll have to check that out. There are a few things I want to follow up on and try… the system we have now is so much better than the nothing I had before, but it’s pretty basic.

Sandi Abbott on Sat, 21st Nov 2009 7:41 pm

It’s good that you could keep it all in the family. I’ve got a similar deal with my computer guy hubby. He set up my computer, internet, email and back ups. He does it all for a cup of espresso and various other benefits

Johnny on Sun, 22nd Nov 2009 10:59 pm

Yeah, it’s pretty cool. Only downside is that I can’t give her too much crap work or make her go get me coffee or something.

Unfinished Rambler on Tue, 24th Nov 2009 12:39 pm

I have a wife that greatly would organize my life. If only she didn’t have a full-time job. Tell me Grand Poobah what should I do in this case.

Johnny on Tue, 24th Nov 2009 10:19 pm

My serious answer (disappointing, huh?) is that if someone organizing your stuff would allow you to make more money, then the increased income will justify actually hiring someone. If you just want to get organized for the hell of it? Well, you’re on your own.

Karilee on Wed, 25th Nov 2009 8:01 pm

If you outgrow the number of hours your wife wants to contribute, drop me a line. I’m an OBM (Online Business Manager) for a client that uses a VA to handle the management of our affiliate program, as well as a lot of client contact and email, and a bit of research. She’s excellent and still has some hours available. She never lets me drop any balls, and does it with grace and without guilt-tripping.

I’m a huge fan of using a VA, as long as you can find the right person. You certainly did the right thing by figuring out what you could and should be outsourcing first. When you find someone who can work well with you and your own personality, they can truly be a huge asset to your business.

Why Arnold Schwarzenegger would fuck you up : Johnny B. Truant on Thu, 3rd Dec 2009 1:16 pm

[...] an assistant is aces. I won’t explain exactly why because I’ve already done so here and here, but suffice to say that the minute I stopped having to think about the things I suck at [...]

Sonia Simone on Fri, 11th Dec 2009 6:55 pm