I want to join Fight Club

February 11, 2010 by Johnny
Filed under: Inspiration & motivation, Life of Johnny

Like any responsible and loving parent, I always look for as many opportunities as possible to get away from my children. So this past weekend, my wife Robin and I dropped Austin (5) and Sydney (almost 2) off with my mother and checked into a hotel for four days.

When we do this, we get a room with a giant hot tub and spend most of the weekend in it. And we get to do things that we’re not normally able to do, like read books without pictures in them and watch movies that aren’t animated.

When you read in a hot tub, you need a light book so that you can hold it above the water. I was working on Stephen King’s Under the Dome at home, but it’s like 1300 pages and hardback, so instead, I brought along my paperback, 200-page copy of Fight Club, which I hadn’t read in a while.

If you haven’t read Fight Club, do yourself a favor and go buy it now. (And no, having seen the movie doesn’t count.) If you like reading my stuff, you’ll like that book. It’ll put ideas in your head. Bad ideas. Rebellious ideas.

It’s about a group of guys who discover that they’ve been living very sterilized, materialistic lives. You wake up, you go to work, you come home to your IKEA furniture that you just had to have and that felt very important, and you repeat. You behave, you become soft, your emotions and reactions and behaviors dull to the predictable, and soon you realize that the things you own, they actually own you.

What the narrator does — and this is a complicated setup, so I’m simplifying — is that after months of insomnia, and after months of attending support groups for diseases that he doesn’t have just so that he can feel alive enough to sleep, he meets a guy named Tyler Durden. They’re both learning that the things in life they thought were essential, that maybe they’re not essential after all. It starts to feel like the only way to be reborn is to hit rock bottom. But society teaches you to live a safe life. A predictable and behaved life, where you do not only what you’re told, but what is expected of you.

Neither of them have ever been in a fight. So they go into the parking lot, and they take turns hitting each other as hard as they can. Who are you fighting? They ask. My father. My boss. My life.

Well, it goes on from there.

I’d read Fight Club several times before, but I found myself reading it this time and thinking, “I kind of want to join a Fight Club.”

Not literally, I mean. The fights in the book take place barefoot on a concrete floor, two guys to a fight, and the fights go on as long as they have to. Everyone ends up with knocked-out teeth, gashed lips, and broken bones. So yeah, I’m not quite antiestablishment enough to want to actually do that in its full glory, but I’m intrigued by the concept.

Now, try to see beyond what may be an initial reaction to this all as a bunch of macho bullshit, and get what’s behind it: What do we fight (no pun intended) to avoid in our day to day lives?

What is the standard of beauty and order that we’re upholding at all costs? What are we afraid of, and what would happen if we did that thing that terrifies us?

Life used to require exertion and threat. Don’t get me wrong, I’m digging the fact that I don’t have to fight daily to keep my woman and my cave, but would it really be the end of the world if I had to fight? And how would I do in a fight, anyway? What am I made of at a deep, deep, deep and primal level?

I’m not saying that fighting is a good thing. I am, however saying, that most of us are afraid to find out if we could hold our own, because of the threat of pain and discomfort. Again, don’t go thinking I’m saying that we should get in fights to find out. I’m not saying that at all. But I do find it interesting that we’re so very afraid of it.

These guys, these stockbrokers and waiters and customer service representatives in the book, they find out that they can be hit and that they can hit back and that still, life doesn’t end. They’re not as fragile as the world has caused them to believe they are. They find out that they’re different people than who they thought they were. Harder. More resilient. Confidence carries over into every other area of their lives. The petty aggravations that used to upset them can no longer faze them. They sleep well. They have explored that darker side of themselves and found out what’s in there, and it’s like they’re magnified, in person and in personality, as they go about the rest of their daily business.

And all I find myself asking is, Are we really so intent on living and dying a safe existence?

And at this point, I could easily slip into a lot of the themes I’ve been writing about lately, about doing something crazy and breaking the rules and being abnormal. I’ll let you make that connection for yourself, but… you know. There’s the whole “What are you really afraid of?” thing to consider here.

The guys in the book, they decide they don’t want to die without any scars.

I have a pretty fucking badass scar. It’s on my left forearm, and I got it doing a 205 lb. Olympic clean and jerk at my gym a few years ago when at the bottom of the clean, my elbow hit my knee, hard.

That was gross. It was also expensive, and one hell of an inconvenience. I don’t recommend it. But it is an awesome story to be able to tell, I won’t lie. I like that scar. It’s proof that I’m not living my life wrapped in protective bubble wrap.

Some of you ladies reading this are likely disgusted by the testosterone in this post.

Except Jess Commins. I’ll bet she really likes it.

(Oh, and on a side note, when Sonia Simone interviewed me for the Third Tribe, she described a certain masculinely pushy internet marketing technique as “masturbatory,” and I was like “Yeah, it’s awesome, right?” and then I realized she meant it in a negative way. Women.)

I’ve built a career out of saying what’s on my mind whether it’s stupid or out of context or embarrassing or what. And so I’m telling you, whether you think it makes me a macho jerk or not, that part of me wants to get into a fight, for once. To see what I have in me. To take a peek at some aspects of myself that I’m never allowed to let out. To explore my id. To take and overcome a trial.

So maybe I’ll join some sort of a class. Like mixed martial arts (what the Ultimate Fighters do) or Krav Maga, which is supposed to be one of the few self-defense things that actually works in real life. I’d be wearing pads and wouldn’t get the shit beat out of me, but maybe it’s close enough.

I think the essence of pretty much everything I’ve been doing lately is this, to make a point out of this whole Fight Club thing:

I ask myself, “What am I afraid of?”

And then, if I can find a version of it where I won’t die or risk major injury or other huge ruin, I do that thing.

Maybe this is all too macho for you. Maybe a safe life is just fine, in fact. But just for the hell of it, ask yourself what you’re most afraid of, and ask why it scares you.

You try one thing that seemed impossible or terrifying and suddenly, it’s like you’re a new person. You’re bigger and better and stronger and bolder than you thought you were.

All I really want to know is who I truly am.

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66 Comments on I want to join Fight Club

Billy Waters on Thu, 11th Feb 2010 9:27 am

Krav maga is a whole heap of fun. You let off steam and most of you goes home alive.

Dave Guilford on Thu, 11th Feb 2010 9:35 am

Brother, it’s time to break your cherry.

Run, don’t walk, to the nearest boxing gym and sign up. They’ll have circuit training classes and they’ll teach you how to take and, more important, how to dish out a solid punch.

I was a poor kid who went to a rich kid high school, and I had a smart mouth. I fought A LOT. After that, I did 5 years in the Marines. Ditto, and on a professional level. I boxed and did MMA on an amateur basis until I was 32. Never got seriously hurt, and was only knocked unconscious once in all those years (when I agreed to be a guy’s first fight after a 6-month prison stretch – don’t recommend it).

Throwing someone a beating teaches you nothing about yourself, except maybe your capacity for sadism or compassion. Taking a beating teaches you more about yourself than almost any other lesson in life. I highly recommend it.

On a practical note, start with boxing and get proficient with that before attempting MMA. If you like boxing, MMA will be a natural extension of your progression in the sport.

No man should go through life without knowing how to fight.

Bradley on Thu, 11th Feb 2010 9:35 am

I have not yet read Fight Club, even though I am a huge Chuck fan. Go figure?

Anyways, I just wanted to point out the irony that you wanted to be in Fight Club and this thought occurred while you were being pansy-ass in a hot tub! Did you get a facial and a pedicure too?

The idea of Fight Club does appeal to me though. At least the part about living a real life, and seeking out to destroy the status quo. Getting hit in the face? Not so much! Yep, I guess I am a pansy-ass too!

Henri Junttila on Thu, 11th Feb 2010 9:39 am

Awesome stuff. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen Fight Club, and I’ve never even read the book. I’m a huge book reader, but I’ve never gotten to that one, I guess it may be time.

Keep us updated on your mission to explore your id. I would pay for video-updates.

Diggy on Thu, 11th Feb 2010 9:49 am

Wow, Totally sick post and awesome blog! Found it through Henri’s tweet

Getting away and staying in a fancy hotel for a few days is totally awesome. I know some people who think it is a waste spending $150 or $200 a night for a hotel room, but the comfort and luxury makes it all worth it for me!

I haven’t read the book yet but I have seen the movie about 7 times, it never gets boring. I think Tyler Durden has inspired thousands of guys around the world to break free from corporate slavery.

Subscribed to your blog!

Amy Harrison on Thu, 11th Feb 2010 9:57 am

I’m trying to do more things that frighten me, short of walking down alleys on dark and stormy nights.

Some of the best things i’ve done have been the ones i’ve least planned and made me the most nervous.

And I definitely learned a lot about myself!

Dan Cosgrove on Thu, 11th Feb 2010 10:02 am

If you haven’t already, you need to read Got Fight? by Forrest Griffin. I just finished it, it’s like 200 pages and I read it in a day.

He writes the way he talks, and the whole book is hilarious.

Right up your alley, seriously.

Pace Smith on Thu, 11th Feb 2010 10:23 am

I admit, I don’t grok the whole macho thing, but I TOTALLY grok wanting to do something crazy, to break the rules, and to let your inner self out of its cage. Everyone has lots of aspects. Some people cage their inner animal. Some people cage their souls.

I’m generally anti-cage. (:

Johnny on Thu, 11th Feb 2010 10:24 am

I’m gonna do it. Somehow.

Dave, I do have a heavy bag in my basement, but it almost never fights back. I’m curious to see how I’d do; I’m pretty strong and would like to know how well that translates. I’m guessing it’s apples and oranges.

And Dan, I just ordered that book.

Johnny on Thu, 11th Feb 2010 10:24 am

Where’s Charlie Gilkey? Pace said “grok” too!

Kyeli on Thu, 11th Feb 2010 10:33 am

I punched the holy hell out of a girl in 6th grade. I’m a badass.

Erica on Thu, 11th Feb 2010 10:36 am

Hold on a second here… there aren’t many women commenting on this post so far. I don’t think this post has anything at all to do with testosterone (or too much of it) and if it does, then I ain’t no girly-girl. I have no qualms about admitting Fight Club is my all-time favourite movie; I’ve watched it half a dozen times and I’ll likely watch it half a dozen times more. The immediacy and depth of its message, not to mention the straight-up artistry with which it’s delivered, inspires me to no end.

I’ve had successes I’ve only dreamed about and I’ve been to the bottom of my own personal barrel. And you know what? Losing everything means you get to choose how to rebuild… when you’re smarter, wiser and better than you ever thought you were. I don’t need my teeth bashing in (!) but I can tell you that it wasn’t until I lost everything that I came to understand what I was made of and that’s a rush I’ll never tire of.

So maybe as I begin re-building the next phase, I’ll take your advice and read the book. Or maybe I’ll just see you at the next Krav Maga class.

Jess on Thu, 11th Feb 2010 10:42 am

Holy crap, Johnny. This might be my favorite post ever. (and not just because it has a half-naked Pitt at the top, though that certainly doesn’t hurt)

Palahniuk certainly has a way of looking at the world…much like you. I agree we absolutely have to shed aside our fears and move into unknown areas. If we’re not experiencing, we’re not living. And life’s too damn short to always take the safe bet.

Maybe it makes me less of a lady, but I think scars are sexy as hell. They’re visible reminders of where we’ve been, possibly what we’ve done wrong, and are odd little testaments to our resilience. I have a few myself…

Reading this reminds me to watch against getting soft…too used to anything… because nothing is permanent and all that we leave behind are the memories others hold in our absence. I’d much rather people discuss the time I went head-over-handlebars and ripped a 3″ square hole in my arm than the hours I’ve spent roaming the aisles at Target.

What would I do if I wasn’t afraid? Shit… I don’t even know. I can tell already this is going to be one of those posts that messes me up for days…

You rock.

Steven K. Holderness on Thu, 11th Feb 2010 11:10 am

I hear ya Johnny. However, I think it is somewhat unfortunate, for all of our innate “uniqueness”, for all of the different personal attributes we bring to social table, it is still not enough to simply be who we are. But I totally get it Johnny, really. Except, do we have to join the proverbial fight club to really understand that, as you state, “You’re bigger and better and stronger and bolder than you thought you were?” Do we really need to visit the “darker side” to understand we are capable of accomplishing great things? And I’m not quite sure what a “safe life” is anymore. Perhaps our definition of a “safe life” is different? I’ve broken my arm twice playing football, had my spleen removed after a sledding accident, separated my shoulder playing rugby and survived Hodgkin’s Disease cancer; all from a guy who is pretty risk averse and still drives his car with both hands on the wheel at all times. Life can be mundane, but I’m not so sure about safe.

Yet, determining what we are truly capable of accomplishing is elusive. Many of us never realize our potential; we don’t push the envelope of what is possible and blaming others for our lack of success is a cop out. Look at you Johnny; you started your own business while others simply complain about their jobs. You’re already bigger and better and stronger and bolder than you thought you were. You just didn’t know it….yet.

Thanks for the great posts Johnny. I enjoy your reads!

Best Rgs,

Steve

Dushan on Thu, 11th Feb 2010 11:14 am

Hi Johnny !

I totally understand what you mean, and I don’t think it’s macho at all. To be honnest I think that ladies also crave sometimes for the exact same feeling, and ask themselves the exact same question. It’s only more unconscious and deep-rooted though (and less socialy conform).

I’ve had the chance to practice martial art for about ten years, until my Internet marketing activities swallowed the time I’ve had left to stay healthy and spiritual…

So here are my two pences about that. If you want to developp a “warrior spirit”, I think Krav Maga is the way to go. It’s effective (if teached correctly), and It will develop a kind of “I’m always ready, brings it on motherfuckers !” feeling, if you see what I mean. Actually I know something better than Krav Maga. it’s called “Systema”, a russian martial arts used by Spetsnaz (russian special forces). It’s effective and more flexible than Krav Maga, even if it requires a little more training to be really effective.

Here is a youtube link to see more : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i4NsQU6PuCs&feature=related (the guy we see the most on the video is Vladimir Vasiliev : I was lucky enough to attend to one of his seminar in Switzerland and i can tell you it really works !).

And for what I can tell, being attacked by three guys with foam knives and baseball bat is more fun than using Google Analytics…

But maybe you only need to have that experiment once, to see how it feels and basta ? If so, pick up a friend and fist and foot pads, and beat the shit out of each other for a while. You will have that kind of “Fight Club” spirit without the ripped off eyes and without subscribing for a yearly membership… It’s so good for the peace of mind that I once did that weekly with a friend.

I wish you all the best of your warrior spirit quest !

Dushan

Jen on Thu, 11th Feb 2010 11:40 am

This is great and sorry to be shallow but LOVE the Pitt picture!
Awesome post, I have seen the film, but not read the book so will check that out. Also really got where you are coming from … not a macho thing IMO.
Jen

Mike CJ on Thu, 11th Feb 2010 11:47 am

Welcome to your first mid life crisis Johnny!

When I had my first one (I’m on my third) I bought a Ducati and learned how to corner it on it’s pegs and thrashed it to within an inch of it’s (and my) life.

A fight club sounds like fun – go for it.

Adrienne on Thu, 11th Feb 2010 3:36 pm

I will definitely be reading that book. And I will be doing things that scare me. It feels good to be terrified every once in awhile!

James on Thu, 11th Feb 2010 4:09 pm

I don’t actually agree with your interpretation of Fight Club. I mean SPOILER given the book ends in serious terrorism there are perhaps good reasons why we don’t do everything we are scared to do. Not that I’m saying you shouldn’t break free from life, just that there are good reasons the government wants to keep everyone in line.

As Palahniuk himself says, most of his books are about a lonely person trying to connect with the world, and I don’t think Fight Club is that much different. At the end of the book SPOILER the narrator ends up with Marla, which probably points more to the idea that men won’t find their salvation trying to be more macho, they will find it in the arms of women.

But maybe I’m a bit too English student.

Wendy Maynard on Thu, 11th Feb 2010 5:34 pm

Yeah Johnny, I’ll be the gal to say it. The post is way over-the-top macho, testosterone-stinking for my taste. I’ll admit it – the idea of a bunch of stinky, sweaty men punching each other in a Fight Club does not appeal to me.

That said, I get the spirit of the post and I am right there with you. I basically have never had a job. I can’t work for anyone else. I’m just not built that way. And, as always, you help me to think bigger, and think differently about promotion and doing business. And that’s a really good thing.

Jon Sterling on Thu, 11th Feb 2010 7:24 pm

Breaking the rules. Putting your balls out there. Crossing the line.

I am deleting my Facebook user profile on 2/15/10. Why? Because it’s reached the point of absurdity. Not the profile itself, but my use of it.

Threatening to delete my Facebook profile seemed like no big deal. Doing it will be wildly satisfying.

This is geek speak for the clean and jerk causing physical scars. I don’t want to die without any scars either.

BS Footprint on Thu, 11th Feb 2010 7:33 pm

I’ve read the book and seen the movie. I appreciate them both in different ways and as two distinct art forms.

Both are great agitators to get you thinkin’ about what, where, and who you really are in relation to your ‘place’ in society.

In a way, I’ve already joined, at least spiritually.

Read the book or watch the movie: either way, you might find yourself joining Fight Club along with JB Truant!

Trish/Astrogirl426 on Thu, 11th Feb 2010 8:00 pm

Two words:

Fuck.

Yeh.

Dude, man, I totally get what you’re saying in this post. And I’m a little sad that only 8-9 commenters were women. I’ll try to make up for the shortcomings of my gender (I’M SO KIDDING DON’T GO FLAMIN’ ME).

Ahem.

This post? These thoughts you’ve put to paper, right here? Are the reason I ride motorcycles…and get tattoos…and do any number of things that appear stupid and self-destructive but which, if you look closely enough, you realize are NOT suicidal. They simply aren’t suburbia-safe (YES I SAID IT)/middle-aged-safe/mom-and-wife safe. They take life by the horns, and they say, “Getting dirty? Possibly having to experience some ACTUAL discomfort, nay, even…PAIN?”

Like I said. Fuck. Yeh.

Mark M. on Thu, 11th Feb 2010 10:03 pm

Hope you realize you just broke the first two rules of Fight Club…

Great article, J.

I too am a Palahniuk fan – in fact I signed up for his website & shot him a letter a few years back about how his work inspired a whole life change.

It now rests in an area of prominence on my wall right next to the useless diploma.

But Mom & Dad were proud…

Chris Hall on Fri, 12th Feb 2010 12:06 am

Red Badge of Courage was the book that did it for me in college. I jumped from airplanes and high dives, and got in the boxing ring to face my fears and “become a man.” From those experiences I learned my fears will never be conquered, but I wouldn’t have to conquer my fears to face them…

You do learn a lot about yourself by living through being really scared, or living through getting your head bashed in, or living through a totally horrible experience.

Thor on Fri, 12th Feb 2010 12:25 am

Hey Johnny,

“I’d be wearing pads and wouldn’t get the shit beat out of me, but maybe it’s close enough.”

Remember that when you are seeing stars under a hail of blows on the mat… or while the little skinny guy has just tapped you again lol

Seriously, get yourself to a grappiing/mma / boxing gym you big jessie (Scottish for pussy you are strong, and probably fast as you are a x fitter not a standard bodybuilder… you will be fine.

Hey we could fight in june as well as the HFAY challenge?

Thor
PS. I was working the door at a rather rough Scottish bar/club and being a personal trainer with Fight Club as my favourite movie, I started a bouncers fight club (in my basement), out of 19 ‘tough guy’ doormen invited, only one showed up. Derek…18 years old…tough kid. We got blood on the walls and he ended up in the Parachute Regiment… happy days

Jens P. Berget on Fri, 12th Feb 2010 12:28 am

It seems that a lot of guys are turning into fighters these days, at least where I live in Norway. Not sure if it’s anything like the fight club thing though, because they’re joining clubs and exercise with all sorts of fighting. This is guys, friends of mine, who’ve never fought anyone or anything in their lives and their now close to 40 years old.

I’ve started to think that it might be sort of a “mid-life crisis”, but reading your blog post, I’m thinking that they might have read Fight Club, or more likely, they’ve watched they movie again. These guys don’t read

Thor on Fri, 12th Feb 2010 12:31 am

Johnny for the ULTIMATE best, and funny 5 minute self defence video by Bas Rutten (proper tough mother fucker)

You have to check out http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D3K-mrlYG7Y

Dave Guilford on Fri, 12th Feb 2010 3:16 am

Johnny,

Here’s an action step you can take right now, today, and it won’t cost you a penny. Get one of your buddies to punch you in the face with a fist. Have him make it a real punch. It will do both of you good, because he’s probably never hit anyone and you’ve never been hit.

It won’t hurt nearly as bad as you think, or for as long. And afterward you’ll say to yourself, “Jesus, that’s what I was afraid of all these years? Man, that was nothing.”

Let me know how it works out.

Dave

P.S. About my previous advice: I wasn’t talking about some 24-Hour Fitness, cardio-boxing, chicks-in-leotards kinda gym. Go across town to the wrong side of the tracks and find a boxing gym – trust me, it’s there. You’ll know you’re in the right place when you’re sized up by everyone as soon as you walk through the door, and then granted a grudging respect for being there.

Johnny on Fri, 12th Feb 2010 4:14 am

Interesting that so many of you are responding in like kind to this. Good, though. I don’t think it’s mid-life crisis, but I suppose nobody recognizes one of those when they see it.

I have to single out a few of you to respond to, but you’re all awesome. But you knew that already.

@James – No, I think you’re right. I didn’t mean to imply that Chuck P. is saying that this is the way he wants the world to turn out (i.e. that the book’s moral boils down to “do this”) and there’s definitely a slippery slope argument to be made. But he seems to be exploring his own dark side, which is, I suppose, what any good writer does. Chuck’s books all seem to contain a grain of advocacy which he then parlays out to its absurd conclusion. I suspect that part of his point is that we’ve become disconnected and soft, but I doubt that Chuck himself has joined a fight club or made fat soap or even really wants to on a real-life level. So as to whether Chick P. would advocate a real-life fight club? Maybe and maybe not, but I’ll bet he’d advocate button-down corporate IKEA life even more.

@Jon – Your “fight club” is deleting your Facebook profile?

@Dave – I’m so not ready for that yet.

Debbie on Fri, 12th Feb 2010 8:39 am

Great post.

I got into kickboxing when 16. Sparring was always “light contact” and everyone there was cool. The goal was to learn skills and become more proficient – no ass whoopin’ unless it was mutually consentual. So I’ve given and taken a kick and a punch or two.

Twenty-four years later when I inventory all the things I’ve done that have made me what I am today, the two biggies are my martial arts training and the couple years I worked construction for a structural steel company as a laborer. Manual labor is another arena where you can really find out what your made of.

So you’re question is “What am I afraid?”….because of those two bits in my life there’s a whole slew of things that I am NOT afraid of. I think the people that get the most done in and with their lives eat fear like candy and are not afraid of being uncomfortable.

Folks consumed with fear and worry have no energy or space left to think and dream and better their lives.

Mary on Fri, 12th Feb 2010 10:52 pm

When I was in high school and studying World War II, particularly the Holocaust, I kept wondering how I would survive such a thing, and then I’d imagine I was part of the network of people who helped people escape the Nazis. I’d also imagine being in the French Resistance. Would I have the courage and strength to do such things? Would I be able to physically fight if called upon to do so? I think we all wonder such things, whether from watching Fight Club or observing other life experiences.

When you mentioned your scar, Johnny, I immediately thought of my own scar, which came from the C-section that brought my son into the world. Here it is – the estrogen & progesterone to your testosterone – childbirth. If a woman chooses the path of childbearing, it will be a test of physical strength and courage. After going through that experience three times, I have no need or desire to get punched in the face.

Ken Montville on Sat, 13th Feb 2010 10:26 am

Not having read the book or seen the movie I’ll just have to take you word for it.

As I was reading the post, I was thinking back to all the “personal development” things I’ve read or been to in my life.

Hate your job? Feeling unfulfilled?
Answer: Quit. Follow your bliss/passion/dream? (whatever that is?!)

Marriage/partnership dull and complacent?
Answer: Bail out and find someone new or learn to love yourself or become a Buddhist monk.

Have no idea what your bliss/passion/dream is?
Answer: Meditate. Read books. Go to seminars. Pay therapists (or “life coaches”) or join a Fight Club to realize getting kicked in the crotch hurts like hell.

I just wanted to push back a little.

I would love to feel alive and vibrant. I would love to feel as if my life was making a contribution to the betterment of mankind while I simultaneously made enough money to eat and enjoy a few nights out with someone who wanted to join me in the hot tub. Alas and alack, societal pressures are very strong, indeed. It’s just not as easy as joining the Fight Club.

Besides, I always heard that the first rule of the Fight Club is that you never talk about the Fight Club. Maybe just a rumor.

Trish/Astrogirl426 on Sat, 13th Feb 2010 11:35 am

I’m afraid I’ll have to respectfully disagree with Ken.

It’s this sort of concern about “societal pressures” that keeps so many people chained to a life they hate. A life where they do what they think they “should”, because heaven forbid they go against society’s mandate that you should never rock the boat, should never take a risk.

I understand the need to feed your family, provide a safe warm place for them to live, and make sure that your kids grow up healthy, happy, and ready to become contributing members of society. I’m not advocating abdicating your responsibilities to those you love, or to yourself. But where is it written that you can’t do that and also be happy? Why must “fulfilling your responsibilities” translate to “denying yourself a happy life”? Why are you only a mature, responsible adult if you’re miserable as hell?

The first step is figuring out what you _need_, instead of what you _think_ you need. Or what others say you need. I think if more people sat down and figured out exactly what they need to live a happy life, they’d be shocked to find that it doesn’t include 99% of the things they thought they needed. It probably doesn’t include that house that costs more than it should, or those “friends” who care more about what kind of car they drive than about them, or any number of things they’ve cluttered their lives with to distract them from their deep-seated unhappiness.

The next step is to do what you need to bring those things you need into your life. It might be as easy as asking your motorcycle-riding friend to take you on a ride every once in a while, or it might be as hard as moving to Peru. Like I said – there’s a million ways to get what you need into your life. No one says it HAS to be a complete upheaval; but it might be.

Don’t believe it can be done? Talk to all the people out there – or who’ve commented on this blog post – who’ve done exactly that. It’s not necessarily easy; shit, it’s usually scary as hell. But allowing yourself to consider other options for how you live your life – including crazy-as options like starting a different career, moving to a different country, or even living in the woods and building your own dome-home (yes, that’d be me) is the first step to really living the life you want, instead of the life you think you should live.

Claire on Sun, 14th Feb 2010 3:44 am

Wow, Johnny. Blown away by both your posts and the comments here, especially the one above from Jess.

So backing up a bit…

When I first read the post it didn’t grab me b/c I have not seen the movie and haven’t read the book. But now that I’ve read your whole post it’s given me pause and it’s starting to mess with my head…in a good way.

I’m definitely the sort who would like to know how to get what I need into my life; most of the changes I think I need don’t require the kind of upheaval I think the movie/book implies.

But your post Johnny and the comments are making me consider a wider range of options.

P.S. I’ve always hated my scar, but now not so much after this post.

SinisterDan on Sun, 14th Feb 2010 3:07 pm

“Like any responsible and loving parent, I always look for as many opportunities as possible to get away from my children. ”

Here endeth the lesson/

Great post.

Johnny on Sun, 14th Feb 2010 5:01 pm

Ken, you know that a standard part of my working relationships with people involve hand-to-hand combat, right? Ask Jess. I give her advice while we punch each other. We’re progressing to weaponry next week. Ah, good times.

Sami Paju on Mon, 15th Feb 2010 5:34 am

Damn. Fight Club is one of my all time favorite movies, and I’ve been meaning to read the book for a long time now. I guess you just pushed me off the edge. I have a book order to place. Ta-ta!

//sami

Johnny on Mon, 15th Feb 2010 8:30 am

Yeah, everyone here who’s said they’ve seen the movie REALLY needs to get the book. You can’t translate the experience of reading Chuck P. to the screen.

Andy Fogarty on Mon, 15th Feb 2010 10:48 pm

So the first thing I thought of when i read the end of this post was a cheesy (yet true) quote. I have no idea where it came from so that means I probably made it up.

“It’s only scary until you try it.”

With that out of the way, I say Krav all the way. I love Krav Maga. I have 2 kids too (5 and 3) that are both girls and I work at home. There something so incredibly satisfying about leaving my world of pink princess pixie fairies to beat some ass (or get my ass beat) for 2 hours a night and then come home to put them to bed.

Johnny on Tue, 16th Feb 2010 6:18 am

And that reminds me of a quote, too:

“I don’t want to face my fears. I’m afraid of them.”

SpongeBob SquarePants said that. Think about it.

Valentina on Tue, 16th Feb 2010 12:45 pm

Hmmm…. very interesting.

I must live in a cave or something or just spend way to much time on the computer and never surface for air, let alone movies – I have neither seen the Fight Club nor read the book!

I do like to read though (it is congruent with never emerging from the cave from whence the blogging is done).

It seems to me that as kids we are naturally adverse to “safe” living, we are more adventurous and do things that in retrospect makes us wonder at our early life’s gutsiness (our mothers on the other think it is a miracle that we survived at all). It’s a natural survival thing to start living safely, both from our experience – notches on a belt are cool but the scars and broken bones eventually begin to wear thin – and of course, by the constant enforcement of our parents (make that mostly mothers who live in fear that their child will not live to see the light of another day).

We also begin to live safely as we gather responsibilities particularly when we have families to raise. As a young mother I remember making certain decisions based on the fact that I needed to be there to raise my children.

Someone here said something about losing everything. When my children grew up and seemed to be well on their way to fending well for themselves, I took some risks and took a major fall. Living safely was no longer important, in fact, I had to fight to survive, not a fist fight or a drag your hair, down to the floor kind of fight, but fight nonetheless.

I believe that life is a series of circles. At certain points in their lives people embrace a new circle which eventually interacts with another circle. The longer your life, the more the circles, the more the diversity, the more the richness and yeah, sometimes you have to fight whether it is physically or mentally, sometimes one strengthens the other.

So Go Johnny Go! Fight club with protective gear will shake the living daylights out of you, but never fear, broken nose and blood splattered wall not likely.

Amanda Wang on Wed, 17th Feb 2010 1:19 pm

This is sweet, coming from a gal. There is something quite empowering about learning how to fight and holding your own. For me it’s about taking my life back from a mental illness I had been diagnosed with. I started working out at a boxing gym a few years ago and now I’ve stepped it up — training to fight in the 2011 NY Golden Gloves. I don’t know if I’ll make it, but that isn’t the point. To me it’s about learning what what your made of, your ability to push your limits, confront your worst fears and do something you never thought you’d be able to do.

I’m going to read that book, I hope it will help me on my journey! I can’t wait to hear which of the martial arts you chose. Whatever it is, you’ve going to love it! Check out my journey at thefightwithinus.com and let me know what you think!

PS: Fighting is not at all a masochistic thing. I’ll admit it, I cried the second time I sparred, and the fellas still respected me for just even entering that ring. And going back in the next day.

Johnny on Wed, 17th Feb 2010 1:51 pm

I found a Krav Maga place not too far away that I think I’ll try… could be pretty awesome.

BlueSteel on Wed, 17th Feb 2010 2:50 pm

So let me get this straight, you check into a hotel with your wife to partake in a 4 day sexfest and you spend time in the hot tub with a book that conjures up images of a shirtless, skinny Brad Pitt? Man, what is going on with you?

Catherine Caine on Wed, 17th Feb 2010 5:38 pm

Every time, EVERY time, I watch the movie or read the book I end up wanting to be in a fight. Just to see what it’s like, how much it really hurts, and how much I have in me to just pummel someone until they or I can’t do it any more. I don’t think it’s a macho thing (although it IS, and I am cool with that), I think it’s a “I want to feel completely ALIVE and uncomfortable” thing.

Johnny on Wed, 17th Feb 2010 10:32 pm

I had to LOL a bit at BlueSteel’s comment.

Steve-O on Thu, 18th Feb 2010 4:07 pm

I started doing judo and jiu-jitsu because I wanted to see if I could take it. The club I’m in is a bit more hardcore than most in the area. I’ve had a my share of injuries… sprained elbows, wrists, concussion, sprained ankle, bruised patella and femur, probable permanent nerve damage in that same knee, more bruises than I can count, etc. But I tell you what, I wouldn’t stop fighting for anything.

I never fancied myself a violent guy, but there is a certain sense of satisfaction in submitting someone or choking them out. And oddly enough, getting submitted/choked/slammed/pinned/etc can be as satisfying. Because I know that I can stand back up and dish out the same. I know I can take it.

Johnny on Thu, 18th Feb 2010 4:55 pm

Yeah, you’re pretty fucking hard-core. That doesn’t surprise me much.

I’m looking forward to getting into this Krav Maga thing. Just need to set aside some time…

Archan Mehta on Sat, 20th Feb 2010 2:24 pm

Johnny,

Great post. Thanks for your pearls of wisdom. I am a fan of your writing.

Ah, fight club. Yes, I have watched that movie starring Brad Pitt, the lad every woman longs for, and the one actor who has replaced Tom Cruise in the looks department. Also, married to Jennifer Aniston (Friends?) and now Angelina Jolie.

However, if you are bored with life, there are better things to do, surely. If you are falling sick frequently, hate your job, are getting soft, why not go for a swim?

Run a few errands and complete household chores. Work out in the gym. Go for a casual stroll before the break of dawn. Surf the waves in California or Hawaii.

Why take off your shirt and fight with guys who are also semi-naked? What a pointless movie. If you want to discover yourself, meditate or practice yoga.
If you feel listless, become a hobbyist. Ever heard of Mahatma Gandhi, dude?

Kajanova on Mon, 22nd Feb 2010 8:49 pm

I didn’t even know there was a fight club book. I’m gonna check that out. Nice post though, It does make me wonder what I’ve been holding back on out of fear. I think I’ve been living too comfortably in my metaphorical protectant bubble. I’m going to try and work up the courage to get in some metaphorical fights. I love metaphors.

Johnny on Mon, 22nd Feb 2010 9:00 pm

Dude… you MUST read the book. then come back and let me know how much you thought it kicked ass.

Sami Paju on Tue, 23rd Feb 2010 4:08 am

Crazy how they turn movies into books. For example, The Lord of the Rings had barely hit the theaters when I saw it already in the local bookstore!

//sami

Corey - Simple Marriage on Thu, 25th Feb 2010 12:11 pm

Alright Johnny – great post. And while your whole jibe is aimed at business and rocking out your career life, what if your question of “What am I afraid of?” was applied to relationships? Not in the sense of doing something stupid outside of the relationship but how much monotony comes to marriage simply because we wind up afraid of our spouse on some level?

What about a marriage fight club? Just a thought.

Johnny on Thu, 25th Feb 2010 1:58 pm

Ooh, that sounds a bit too dangerous for me, Corey.

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