I quit.

October 20, 2009 by Johnny
Filed under: Life of Johnny 

dave_big

I’m taking a big risk by writing this immediately after my post about how complaining makes you a pussy, but I’m going to do it anyway. I figure that with a bit of misdirection, I can convince you all that not only am I right on both sides of my apparently contradictory opinions, but that I’m actually capable of achieving any goal three days before I make that goal. And that I’m Superman.

So anyway, a while back, I made a pledge to lose 22 pounds. I started out at 212, which is a tad heavy for me. I stepped up my workouts, reined in my diet, and very quickly got down to around 202. Then I stalled.

So I kept at it. Reined in the diet more. Worked out harder.

And stayed right at 202.

At this point, I realized exactly what I would need to do to get down to 190. My natural set-point is currently around 204, meaning that I can do quite a bit or I can do very little and still hover right around there. So to get down to 190, I would need to eat in a very particular, anal sort of way for six weeks or so, greatly limiting carbohydrates for five days out of seven. I’d need to track everything I ate in a food diary. Every time I’ve wanted to bust through a plateau, that has been the procedure — and it always works.

So I found the diet online that has worked for me in the past. I checked to see if my FitDay.com food diary login was still active from years ago.

And then I said, “Fuck it; I want some Oreos.” And I quit.

That’s right, I quit. I am quitting. I am a quitter. You hear me, @recodingjim? I’m bailing on this goal. Finished. Gone. Done. Eating chocolate and bacon again, preferably together and in massive quantities.

I promised the blogosphere that I would weigh 190 by October 15th, and I do not. I weigh 204 again, right at my set-point and well short of my goal.

And I’m proud of it, because I did what I set out to do.

Let me explain. And I think Coach Tim will back me up on this, because it all goes back to values and deep motivations, and because I’m his customer and the customer is always right.

You tell these life coach types that you want a million dollars, and they’ll say, “No, you don’t really want the million dollars. You want what you think a million dollars will give you.”

You work through a process and you determine that what you actually want is freedom, or security, or love. The money is just the vehicle to get there. If you want security and can find it another way, the million dollars is irrelevant.

So going back to my publicly-stated goal of losing 22 pounds, I had to ask myself, What did I really want? Because it sure as hell wasn’t to look down and see 1-9-0 in that order on a digital readout. If that was what I wanted, I would never have peeled off the sticker that was over the display when I bought the scale. That said 190 all the time, and I didn’t even have to be standing on the scale.

So here’s the facts — just the facts, ma’am — about my weight loss goal.

What I really wanted was a sense of control. If you read through the post, you’ll see that I actually knew that when I started this whole thing. I was feeling all over the place at the time, and enforcing some physical discipline was a reliable and comfortable way for me to grab my life by the nuts and tell it who was boss.

That control I wanted? Yeah. I got it. I feel much more in control than I did in August. Things are hectic, but much more reined in.

The “vehicle” goal wasn’t objectively necessary. True, I had eaten too many Doritos over the summer, and true, 212 is a bit too heavy for me. But by “a bit,” I mean like 10 pounds tops. I never did look fat. I didn’t have a bad lipid profile or elevated blood pressure. No doctor had told me to slim down. I have a resting pulse rate of around 50. Even 212 would not have been an unhealthy weight for me, and 202 certainly isn’t. It’s spot on.

The secondary goal actually conflicted with my primary goals. I wanted control and satisfaction (primary) and was going after them by losing weight (secondary). But I’m not a typical person, who only has his cheeseburger-to-miles-run ratio to consider. I’m a weightlifter, and other factors enter into the picture. Other things that make me feel in control and satisfied are lifting heavy things — and, frankly, being kind of big. When, in the midst of losing those pounds, I was suddenly able to deadlift 50 pounds less than normal, that didn’t ring up nicely for me. And seeing a one as the first number on the scale? Okay, truthfully that was causing a bit of approach-avoidance.

And still, if a certain freakishly strong librarian who somehow can’t spell for shit reads this, he’s absolutely going to call me a big pussy for nixing my goal. (Although it’s really a toss-up, because he also says that any man under 200 pounds is a Hobbit. He’s a strange guy, Dan the Librarian.)

But screw it. Screw it, because goals are living, breathing things. When a politician changes his mind, they call it “flip-flopping,” and that’s bullshit because when the situation changes, reevaluating your position is not flip-flopping. It’s being flexible, which is something that I personally would like to see in a leader. And by contrast, holding tight to a no-longer-defensible position “just because” is idiotic.

So yeah, I quit. I absolutely quit, and I’m now back around 204, and it’s cool because I feel happy and healthy and in control of things again. I get to eat shitty but delicious food now and again, and when I go to the gym, I can lift heavy things. Life is good.

Sometimes quitting means you suck. But sometimes, if you don’t quit but should, that’s when you suck. It’s a delicate balance in life, trying not to suck. You just have to do your best, and keep your level of suck to a minimum. And sometimes eat Oreos. Mmm, Oreos.

 

 

 

RELATED POSTS:

  1. Okay, I kind of don’t quit in a way after all, while still essentially remaining quitted on the thing I quit last time
  2. How to fail at your goals
  3. Your goals suck

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Comments

20 Comments on I quit.

  1. Charlotte on Tue, 20th Oct 2009 5:48 pm

    2. See the thing is, I don’t think you quit.

    I don’t think you quit because you set out to get certain things (control, some weight loss) and you got them. And now that you got them – which was the goal – you’re stopping.

    So this isn’t a quit. It’s an acknowledgment that the methodology you set out in August wasn’t quite correct.

    Or maybe I’m just helping you be a pussy. I don’t know.

    But anyway, congratulations on getting what you wanted. :)

  2. Dave Doolin on Tue, 20th Oct 2009 6:38 pm

    3. When I was in Recon, we used to call it “Situation dictates.”

    Yeah, I was enlisted. The brass hated that because Recon teams tend to be real independent. Thinking for themselves and other non-military habits.

    So the situation dictated.

    Honestly, the only real way to drop your set point is aerobic exercise. Lots of it. I know this from experience. I could use to drop about 10 myself. Nah.

  3. Ben MacLeay on Wed, 21st Oct 2009 7:39 am

    4. If you set bad goals don’t stick with them sure, but don’t pull politicians into this.

    When George tells us he’s a fiscal conservative and then takes a trillion dollar blunt deficit and then bends America over and has his way with us or when Barrack tells gays that he’s all gay for them and a cool superhuman gay military so they vote and now he tells them they are gay for even thinking that?

    The reason these are wrong is not adjustment’s but intentions. If your intentions where to hit 204 from the beginning but you said 190 to impress us feel free to join said superhuman army.

  4. Tim Brownson on Wed, 21st Oct 2009 12:19 pm

    5. @ JBT – Goals have to be flexible and so many people miss this. They put themselves through purgatory just to hit a goal without stopping and asking themselves “is there a better way” or even “Is this MY goal, or just something I’ve thrown out there”

    I have set goals that I have abandoned because they were silly goals and I didn’t think them through.

    There HAS to be a real ‘REWARD’ for the goal and you know what I mean with that, because it’s not battered deep fried chocolate and bacon with sugar on top.

    A few times I have tried to fight my body clock and get up earlier. I have probably attempted this 25 times over the last 25 years. You’d think I’d let it go by now, so I have, I’m just not an early morning person.

    BTW I have no idea what Ben is talking about, but I think he said Obama is a gay soldier or something like that.

  5. Johnny on Wed, 21st Oct 2009 12:47 pm

    6. @Ben – Oh, don’t get me wrong. There IS such a thing as a flip-flop. But it seems as if nobody allows for honest changing of the mind even as an option. That actually does happen sometimes.

    As to me, I fully intended to hit 190 from the get-go. I’m not out to impress anyone here with attempted and failed weight loss once I’ve gotten everyone’s vote for president.

  6. Johnny on Wed, 21st Oct 2009 12:49 pm

    7. Also, I now think I may have made a mistake here. I am not yet sure.

    I know that I was trapped in a hideous situation that was giving me panic attacks back in grad school because I had decided my goal was to get a Ph.D. So, I was determined to achieve that goal despite the fact that I was totally losing my shit and that the career trajectory no longer made sense. In that case, quitting the goal was definitely the right choice.

    But here? Still not sure. Yes, I got my real aim. But have I copped out nonetheless? Maybe. I honestly don’t know.

  7. Traci Feit Love on Wed, 21st Oct 2009 12:57 pm

    8. So you quit. Good for you! When you realize your original goal is no longer meaningful to you, quitting is the smartest thing you can possibly do.

    Would it be better to continue busting your a** for no good reason? I don’t think so.

    I actually wrote about this a while ago on Sparkplugging – “Sometimes Quitting Is The Only Way To Win” – http://www.sparkplugging.com/sparkplug-ceo/sometimes-quitting-is-the-only-way-to-win/

    p.s. enjoy your Oreos. life is too short to be entirely Oreo-free.

  8. Craig | BloomVerse on Wed, 21st Oct 2009 1:13 pm

    9. Copping out? I don’t know, depends on if you still, deep down, want to hit 190.

    But if you’re honestly OK with what you have accomplished, you’re just beating yourself up. It’s likely because by your own admission, you wanted to feel in control and believed that this feeling would come from achieving a goal. And while you feel you have it in some regards, you feel you don’t in others (like reaching the original target weight). So you feel in control and out of control at the same time. Wanting control is kind of a prescription for suffering that way.

    The solution IMHO would be to let go of the emotional charge around the goal. Then you’ll look back and laugh about it. :)

  9. DeeMarief on Wed, 21st Oct 2009 1:17 pm

    10. Laughing now … You can tap dance and spin words so fast that that alone is enough reason for me to want to read everything you write. (Even those times when your language is over-the-top for me.)

    Enough with the excuses already. Set a new goal, make it 200 or even split the difference and make it 197 if you want. Now get back on track and keep moving until you reach a goal weight you purposely set, not one you settled for.

    (You remind me of my almost 30 year old son. Both of you have MUCH to offer the world.)

  10. Lissa Boles on Wed, 21st Oct 2009 2:58 pm

    11. Cop-out? If you’d knuckled down and done what you said you were going to just because you said you would, I’d vote yes. But that doesn’t seem to be what you’ve done, tho.

    Sometimes doing’ the right thing’ feels inexplicably wrong, and the wrong unreasonably right, and it takes guts to feel it out and go with unreasonable.

    Your assessment that this was/is about control looks about right. Its impossibly hard for me to know what I really want, much less tap into the juice to go get it, when the urge to impose control’s setting my life’s goals instead of me.

    BTW – ever read Seth Godin’s The Dip?

  11. Jess on Wed, 21st Oct 2009 2:59 pm

    12. I agree that goals need to be flexible, which is why you might consider setting a new goal in its place. It’s not quitting if you’re simply shifting your finish line.

    You should be proud to lose what you have. Perhaps your new goal can be to maintain your weight. As someone who knows… when you give yourself permission to say “fuck it” to your scale, those Oreos somehow multiply and before you know it, you’re right back to where you started. I don’t think this phenomenon is exclusive to weight, either.

    So… no. You’re not getting my hugs to say everything’s going to be just fine if you abandon your promise to yourself. If you replace it with something that is healthy for your mind and body, though… well… I think I can dig it.

    Everything is good in moderation, including moderation.

    *note: my approval plus $1.50 still doesn’t get you a cup of coffee in most places.

  12. Duff on Wed, 21st Oct 2009 5:00 pm

    13. Seems healthy to me and not a cop-out.

    In NLP terms, you ran into what’s called an “ecology” problem, that is the goal you set didn’t quite fit with other unconscious goals.

    Adjusting course is exactly what is required in such a case, although it definitely is an art to know when you are simply dropping the ball because it is hard vs. what you are more deeply wanting.

  13. Anne on Wed, 21st Oct 2009 5:58 pm

    14. You’re not wimping out. Just adjusting your expectations to fit with the reality of your choices and your lifestyle.

    P.S. What’s that online diet you talked about? Been trying to lose 15 lbs. forever.

    Anne @alivenkickin

  14. Johnny on Wed, 21st Oct 2009 8:56 pm

    15. Hey, thanks for the comments, everyone. I already think I’m making too much of the back and forth over this, but I don’t want to be “that guy” who makes a pledge and then backs off from it. Hence the excess over it.

    The truth is, I don’t really need to lose any weight. 205 is a very good, very lean weight for me. This was more about discipline.

    However, it still feels like a cop-out because the truth is that I DO like to eat and fucking HATE to diet. So I’m enjoying dropping the goal. That makes me suspicious.

    Anyway, I’m not looking for the approval of others, but I do tend to believe that if everyone thinks one thing and you think the opposite, you may be the crazy one. Since this vote (also on Twitter) seemed to go 50/50, I have no consensus.

    What I think I may do is to find a new, equally tough goal that doesn’t create the ecology issue that Duff mentioned.

    I’m thinking I may have another go at Crossfit’s “How Fit Are You?” test. I’ll find a score that seems hard and set my goal around that. I’ll still take a beating, but get to not get weak in the doing. Anyone curious can Google that and, if you’re awesome, try it along with me.

    Thanks again.

  15. Johnny on Wed, 21st Oct 2009 8:58 pm

    16. Oh, and Anne? I kind of don’t think you’d want to try the “T-Dawg 2.0 Diet.” No, I’m not kidding. You can find it on Testosterone Nation (t-nation.com) if you want to get your HYOOOOGE on.

  16. Tracy on Wed, 21st Oct 2009 10:25 pm

    17. Hey wait, I thought *I* was T-dawg and I certainly wouldn’t recommend anyone adapt my diet. It consists of being too busy to eat until you are faint and yelling at everyone at 12.30 and then remembering, oh, right, eating.

    I read your post the other day but got called away before I could comment. I agree with those that say this is a healthy choice, not a cop out. If I makes you feel any better, I’ve been arguing with myself for days over not registering for Project Mojave. The thing was, I was interested and know I like you and was eager to learn from the other folks involved because what I’ve seen of them makes me think we’re on the same wavelength, but dude, I take care of 4 small boys every day and while I *could* have done it, the quality of my life, and my family’s life would have suffered. There just aren’t enough hours in the day!

    And truth be told, while I was interested and would have loved to participate and learn, I don’t have any burning desire for a business right now and so decided to give it a pass this time. The thing is, although I question if I was using my kids as a cop out, I think that it’s not about missing out on Project Mojave (though it would have been awesome and in other circumstances I think I would have thrived in that environment) it’s about feeling like my image of myself as a tough, go-getter was somehow damaged.

    Which I think you and Tim would tell me is bullshit and that making the choice I did was a sound one given my circumstances and current priorities, number one being my children and family.

    Now if you were overweight or had a compelling health reason to lose the weight, I might feel differently. Just like you’d probably feel differently about my decision if I had a compelling need to get a business off the ground or was constantly moaning and groaning about being unhappy and wanting a freedom business. Which is not the case for either of us, so we will want to stop worrying about it (edited out probably should for Tim’s sake).

    Which is my long winded way of saying I feel you, man.

  17. Anne on Wed, 21st Oct 2009 11:50 pm

    18. Johnny:

    Thanks for the update on the diet. Too bad. I really need more estrogen not testosterone. Maybe there’s a diet for that…

    Anne @alivenkickin

  18. Christian on Sat, 14th Nov 2009 8:11 pm

    19. This is awesome :) This is a great lesson. Knowing “why” is the most important part of any goal. Of course, if you go right back to eating bacon, etc…doesn’t that mean you’re relinquishing the control you obtained? hmm. :)

  19. Johnny on Mon, 16th Nov 2009 5:18 pm

    20. Nope… wasn’t looking for dietary control. I felt like a lot in my life was out of control, so I wanted to seize on one thing I knew was within my influence. It’s kind of like Shaolin monks seeking stages of enlightenment through physical discipline.

  20. Video Post: New Year’s Resolutions & Goals : Wicked Whimsy on Sat, 9th Jan 2010 8:07 am

    21. [...] I didn’t mention this, but meant to: I quit. [...]

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