Four reasons why thinking you have problems actually just means you’re a pussy

October 16, 2009 by Johnny
Filed under: Inspiration & motivation, Life of Johnny 

Every week, I take my domineering son Austin to swim lessons at our local overpriced health club, so that he can tempt death by repeatedly swimming out of the instructor’s reach. Austin is five, and he’s in the “Advanced Preschool” class. This means that he’s old enough to transition from sinking to occasionally remaining afloat, but not old enough that Robin and I are allowed to leave the area and unwind at all. It’s nature’s way of keeping parents tightly wound and on the verge of a killing spree.

While Austin’s class is going on, there’s also another group in the pool. One kid in that class always catches my eye. I’d guess he’s six or seven years old and he won’t sit still. He’s always running recklessly on the deck and hopping up and down in the little gutters that run around the the pool’s edge. His name is Logan, and I know this because the instructor is always saying, “Logan, SIT DOWN!” and “Logan, put that away!” or “Logan, climb off of that woman’s head!”

I noticed Logan in the pool because for a while, Austin took preschool gymnastics and Logan was in the class after his. We even attended some sort of a gymnastics show during this period, and Logan was part of it, jumping up to swing on the bars and tumbling on the balance beam.

This is all pretty pedestrian until you realize that the kid is blind. Which, by the way, you don’t realize until he leaves, when his mother hands him a long white cane with a red tip.

I am totally inspired by Logan.

I go through every day being able to see what’s in front of me and what’s around me. I make my living by looking at a screen all day. I take for granted that when I need something, I can drive my car to get it. When I get tired, I can be entertained passively by a TV or relatively passively by a book. I can quickly sort through clothes and see what I’d like to wear. I can see when my hair looks like a bird’s nest or when my fly is unzipped. I can watch my kids play.

Logan can’t do any of that, but here’s the thing: He doesn’t care. He’s not feeling sorry for himself. In fact, I’d wager that thanks to his mother, he doesn’t even know he has an obstacle.

You can see this by watching him, by the confident way he’ll ill-advisedly jump up and down on a wet pool deck in the same way my sighted kid will. You can tell by the way he’ll walk a balance beam without hesitating. He knows he’s different, sure, and I’m sure he knows a few alternate ways to be safe in the absence of sight. But his mother could have kept him out of the pool. She could have kept him out of gymnastics class.

You see this kid and you’re like, “Wow, I really don’t have obstacles in my life.” Because if you can watch Logan and still maintain that you have problems, you’re either dying of cancer or something, or, more likely, you’re just being a big wimpy dickbag.

See, “problems” are mostly objects of perception, not reality. And confidence and empowerment? Those are both choices.

Logan’s mother could have decided that he will grow up to live the life of “a blind man.” That would have had a certain base level of satisfaction. But instead, she made a different choice. She decided that he’s going to live the life of “a man, who happens to be blind.”

If you’re starting to feel like your sore back and your credit card debt are kind of minor problems, then good. They are.

I have this fantasy. When I’m really rich, I want to start some sort of a fund to award cash prizes to awesome people. People who are just living their lives, faced with what others might think is a huge challenge but which they themselves see as “just how it is.”

People without major ailments are constant victims of minutia. They will say, “I’m too young to do that. I’m too old. I’m too tall, too short, to dumb, too poor, too fat.” None of that is true. You hear about eighty-year-old women climbing mountains, and destitute people starting billion dollar businesses.

I want to start my awesomeness fund, and I want to catch people who simply were never told that they had a major handicap and were therefore supposed to give up on life.

If you think you can’t do something and feel like the weight of the world is on you, I have three things for you to watch — all of which are contenders for the Johnny B. Truant’s Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence.

1. Ben Underwood
If you think you can’t do something because of X, Y, Z, or Obama, WATCH THIS VIDEO. It is astonishing. Seriously. I’ll just sit here while you watch it and crap your pants in disbelief. Check out the trash can bit at the 1-minute mark. Then change those pants.

Serious kudos also go out to Ben’s mother, who was able to grow up with enough confidence to inspire her son while saddled with the hideous handicap of being named “Aquanetta.”

2. Lazy Legs
I can’t stand that show America’s Got Talent, but that’s where the world met this kid. He can’t walk unaided. He’s got those wrist-bracelet crutches that most able-bodied people see and immediately think, “Oh, wow, that guy is fucked.” If he were “normal,” he’d maybe walk when he could but would spend a lot of time on a Rascal scooter. But instead, he gave himself a nickname that accentuates his difference — and check out the shit he’s able to do.

Unfortunately, Lazy Legs was eliminated from America’s Got Talent early-on and a singing ventriloquist went on to win the season, proving once and for all that this country is — demonstrably and definitely, through thick and thin and without question — utterly fucked.

3. Kyle Maynard
This guy was born with no arms and no legs but I’d seriously bet that he could kick your ass, and then steal your girlfriend. Seriously. Like, I think I may even want to make out with him.

Most people get a deep cut on their finger and decide they can’t type for the day, so they go home. Or they’re rejected for a job or cut from a team and they give up on their dream of success. You know what we call that in a world with Kyle Maynard? We call it being a lame-ass douchebag. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, you lame-ass douchebag.

The next time you come up with a reason why something can’t be done, just ask yourself if you’re ever going to win JBT’s awesomeness award with that attitude, you big pussy.

 

 

 

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Comments

25 Comments on Four reasons why thinking you have problems actually just means you’re a pussy

  1. Justin on Fri, 16th Oct 2009 10:54 am

    2. Thanks, Johnny. I was looking for this sort of post this morning and you nailed it. Well said.

  2. Barb McMahon on Fri, 16th Oct 2009 12:20 pm

    3. Brilliant post! And a question I will ask myself repeatedly until I win.

    Not that I have the sort of challenges that would put me in the running, but it’s still a great question.

  3. Jorge Mojica on Fri, 16th Oct 2009 12:38 pm

    4. Awesome post! I’ll have my wife help me with the vids later because I’m blind myself. And unfortunately, I still occasionally stroll into pussyville. Would it be obnoxious for me to get a shirt that says kiss me I’m blindish?

  4. Drew @ Cook Like Your Grandmother on Fri, 16th Oct 2009 1:50 pm

    5. I’m going to disagree with you about the wrestler. I’m not saying it isn’t an inspirational story, or that his attitude wasn’t a necessary part of his success. But look at him compared to the blind kid. The blind kid can function as a normal kid of his age. Which is amazing. The wrestler is *above average* compared to other people his age.

    The difference is clarity of purpose. He said in the interview that he knew from the time he was seven that he wanted to be an athlete. And because his parents never told him that he couldn’t, he was successful.

    Plenty of people work hard and don’t achieve any level of success. Lots of times it’s because of a lack of focus. I know that’s something I struggle with. I’ve said before that if only I were obsessed with something, I could be the best in the world at it. But I always try to keep my options open, never closing the door on something that I might regret not doing.

    So yes, I think his is an inspirational story. But overcoming adversity isn’t something most of us can really do that much with. The better lesson is to decide what it is you want, and dedicate yourself to it.

  5. Nick on Fri, 16th Oct 2009 1:55 pm

    6. I wanted to finish reading this post, but my eyes are starting to get a little sore staring at the screen. I’ll finish it later.

  6. Dave Doolin on Fri, 16th Oct 2009 3:26 pm

    7. Man did this just come at the exact right time for me.

    It’s amazing how some people are so physically blessed, yet emotionally screwed. They see and act – or don’t act – because of limitations that exist only in their heads.

  7. Catherine Azzarello on Fri, 16th Oct 2009 8:38 pm

    8. Yep. Stop being a pussy! We forget how lucky we are! Great Post!

    I learned a lesson waaaay back as a young teen. Diagnosed with scoliosis and had to wear god-awful back brace. For 4 years, age 12-16. So not cool. The stupid nuns wouldn’t let me be on the basketball team. :P Kids made fun of me. :P :P No boys ever noticed me. :P :P :P

    Yet I managed to be active enough to break the stainless steel rods on that godforsaken brace in half. Three separate times.

    And every time we went to the “brace place” for a repair I ate humble pie.

    Because I was the ONLY kid in the waiting room with four limbs. Everyone else was waiting to get their prosthesis repaired/replaced/fabricated.

    All I ever did was break my brace. What the f**k did I know?

    On a parenting note…just when you THINK you can relax about your kids…you’ll get the phone call–their friend, on YOUR kid’s cell–”Don’t worry, Austin’s in the ER, he just wanted to let you know he’ll be OK…”

    Enjoy!

  8. Catherine Azzarello on Fri, 16th Oct 2009 8:39 pm

    9. Ooops. Those smileys are supposed to be raspberrying!

  9. Johnny on Fri, 16th Oct 2009 9:03 pm

    10. @Jorge – Now this is freaking me out because I’m replying to you in what is to me a silent medium and I’m like, “Um, he can’t read this.” But you can. It’s like you’re Superman.

    @Drew – I’ll admit I’m tired and not thinking clearly, but I don’t feel like we disagree. Why is Kyle different? All three of the people in the vids have a significant handicap and all three manage to be damn close to normal. Naturally Kyle can’t approximate normal quite as well for physical reasons, but I put all three in the category of “kicking serious ass with what they have.”

    Good stuff, everyone. Thanks. I can’t get enough of stories like these.

  10. Drew @ Cook Like Your Grandmother on Fri, 16th Oct 2009 10:27 pm

    11. Yeah, I was probably over-stating it to say “disagree”. My point was, as inspirational as his story is, it’s not the kind of thing that I personally find very useful.

    I may have a different perspective than most people. My mother had polio as a child, so she’s been on crutches since before I was born. It never would have occurred to me that someone with a physical limitation shouldn’t be able to try whatever they want. So what I can take away from most stories of people overcoming handicaps is, “There’s nothing stopping you.” Yeah, I grew up knowing that.

    Okay, fine, but what’s *driving* me? That’s what I think a lot of us need — and yes, I’m speaking for myself here. Once you internalize the idea that there’s nothing stopping you from whatever you want to do, you still have to figure out *what is it* that you want to do?

    That’s what the wrestler has: A life-long desire to be an athlete. With drive and focus you can overcome obstacles. Without drive and focus, obstacles are irrelevant because you’re not going anywhere.

  11. sara on Sat, 17th Oct 2009 12:48 am

    12. wow. that’s amazing – and you told it with impact. Thanks :)

  12. Johnny on Sat, 17th Oct 2009 12:40 pm

    13. @Drew – I guess what’s most important is that you take something from some part of it. If that happens, then I’ve done my job.

    Your perspective on disability is refreshing. I think that most of us see society tell disabled people that they’ll have to stop trying a lot of things… and usually, they do.

  13. Tina on Mon, 19th Oct 2009 1:01 am

    14. There’s nothing like stories of people overcoming adversity to humble oneself. It’s so easy these days to feel sorry for yourself and make excuses as to why you can’t do or deal with something, because it’s all too hard. Thank you for the reminder.

  14. Kathleen Jaffe on Mon, 19th Oct 2009 10:09 am

    15. What Tina said. Our culture has become so victimized that we take the easy road. It’s not my fault I’m fat – I never learned good eating habits; it’s not my fault I have bad relationships – my rather was distant and remote. See, if we can blame everyone else, then we don’t have to do anything about it, right?

    Personal responsibility is a Good Thing, but you put it much more elegantly. :-)

  15. Johnny on Mon, 19th Oct 2009 11:52 am

    16. I know people who are perpetual victims of life, still wounded over some “wrong” done to them years ago. Dude, get over it. I have no sympathy. Every minute you continue to whine about that injustice is another minute you give someone power over you.

  16. I quit. : Johnny B. Truant on Tue, 20th Oct 2009 5:34 pm

    17. [...] taking a big risk by writing this immediately after my post about how complaining makes you a pussy, but I’m going to do it anyway. I figure that with a bit of misdirection, I can convince you [...]

  17. Sandi Abbott on Wed, 21st Oct 2009 8:47 am

    18. You totally made my day with this post! I was laughing so loud my daughter thought I wasn’t industriously working on my computer! I was feeling overwhelmed, stressed and about to pop a gasket trying to me a mom, wife, daughter, biz owner, blah, blah, blah. Now I’m ready to try again. BTW, when I’m rich and famous, you can count on a big contribution to your awesomeness award. Thanks, Johnny.

  18. Anne on Wed, 21st Oct 2009 5:55 pm

    19. I learned that most of what people think is “tragic” is just majorly inconvenient. In fact, I get pretty ticked off when I hear people calling something like filing for bankruptcy a “tragedy” when it’s really just a major setback that can be overcome. Lots of people have done it. How did I learn this? Learned it the hard way when my brother was killed by a drunk driver 12 years ago. Kind of has a way of putting things in perspective.

    Anne @alivenkickin

  19. Casey on Wed, 21st Oct 2009 11:35 pm

    20. Damn – super bummer to watch the blind kid on YouTube and the follow-up video announces his death in January 2009. But, hey, I’m sitting here with two broken ribs and feeling significantly less sorry for myself than before, so well done, sir! (Did that sound sarcastic? It it did, it wasn’t meant to – the meds I’m on are making things a little fuzzy around the edges.

  20. Anne on Wed, 21st Oct 2009 11:46 pm

    21. BTW, I love your description of your son at the pool. Ahh, kids. If you’re not a parent you can’t understand the incredible feeling of relief you get when your kids finally learn how to swim well enough so that you don’t have to watch them every minute prepared to fly into the pool (fully-clothed if necessary) to save them when they have decided to be a little too adventurous. I still remember that feeling that I had when my youngest of three kids (at the time) got to that point of being able to really swim. (I can feel that exhilaration even now as I sit here…)

    Then…when my youngest (at the time) was eight and my oldest seventeen, I got pregnant again. So…we are doing the swimming lessons again and the pool anxiety (mine not his) again…I will be SO glad when this kid can finally really swim.

    You know how “they” say enjoy the moments when they’re young? Those moments by the pool are NOT the moments “they” are talking about.

    Anne @alivenkickin

  21. Johnny on Thu, 22nd Oct 2009 6:42 am

    22. @Casey – Yeah, I tried to pretend I didn’t see that.

  22. Put Your Pity Party Week in Review | Website In A Weekend on Fri, 30th Oct 2009 8:49 am

    23. [...] lays it out here: if you even read a computer screen, you’re in better shape than you feel. No excuse for pity parties! Once you finish reading Johnny, jump over to No Pity City. Read. Buy stuff. Above all, remember [...]

  23. I’m relaxing my kung-fu grip | Johnny B. Truant on Tue, 23rd Feb 2010 1:25 pm

    24. [...] throwing money down the investment black hole anymore.” And frankly, I have this notion that being awesome and not bitching about life should be rewarded, and maybe it’s time to pay attention to that idea myself, for a [...]

  24. Deanna Thompson on Wed, 24th Feb 2010 1:14 pm

    25. Can I get in on the reward club as a contributor even though I’m a broke single mother who’s currently being sucked into the black whole of business building?

    Seriously, nothing irks me more then watching someone who has “everything”(meaning the basic needs plus 1) go on about how their life sucks so bad. Yet I’m SURROUNDED by people like that in my everyday life. This email could get really long if I wanted to go on about all the times I was wronged and all the times I have to hear female famliy members complain about their loving,support/ive, “I’d prostitue myself if i had to to support my family and you” husbands, and how I’m already short for next months bills AND rent, and how I have to worry everyday that Asthma will take away a life I worked for the last 9 years to save and how my “sperm donor” will blatently tell his kids he can’t take them anywhere in the 5% of their life he spends with them, or how he will tell me this week doesn’t have his two late child support payments..despite the fact he spent the last two weeks in Jamaica(think I’m joking? THINK AGAIN)

    I’m not sure me and the kids can spend $15 a night for 5 nights at a local campground because I don’t have the gas money or the tent money to get us there. (there’s more but his is long enough)

    Am I bitter? Sure, but do I think my life sucks? NO!

    My beautiful, deathly asthmatic,multi-challenged ADD son is still with me, I have a beautiful daughter who will be plagued by man issues thanks to her dad but she wants to go to Haiti and Africa to help, start her own charity, and cries when she gets only 80% on her exam… and for that I am THANKFUL. We don’t have cancer victims in the family and I’m well enough to go to my shitty accounting job to support them, then get up at 5am to write articles for peanuts(hey it’s camping money!) and for that I am THANKFUL!

  25. Johnny on Thu, 25th Feb 2010 9:33 pm

    26. Yeah, excuses suck. We have what we have, and we should be thankful for it.

    Thanks for the comment!

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