An unproductive waste of time

I toyed with the idea of writing a serious post today about how being a successful and well-rounded entrepreneur with a fun life requires big balls (or ovaries) and a stubborn determination to always improve every aspect of yourself, but then I remembered that I’m going to be playing poker with my college friends all weekend and am therefore in “dicking-off mode” more than “inspirational mode.”

So instead, I’m going to show you some of the hilarious shit I’ve found or rediscovered lately and encourage you to waste a bunch of time and be totally unproductive for a while. I mean, have those big balls and try to improve, but also take a break every once in a while.

NOTE: If you’re reading this via email or RSS feed or on Facebook, you may need to click through to the actual post on my blog to see the videos below.

#1 Annoying Orange

I’m late to the party on this one, but I just discovered Annoying Orange and so am going to share. If you watch the related videos on YouTube, you’ll see who he is: He’s an annoying orange, and he spends most of his time talking to other food and being obnoxious. The concept is so unfathomably stupid and such a waste of time that of course I watched many of them.

Here, he faces Jigsaw, the puppet mouthpiece for the villain in the Saw movies (or is Jigsaw the actual puppet? I never know.)


#2 Marshmallow Murder

Same concept as Annoying Orange, and the same creators. This is what happens every time you go camping.


#3 Zach Anner’s tour of Austin, Texas

If you’re willing to admit you watch Oprah, you may already know Zach because he was part of some promo a while back where she was going to give someone their own TV show. And if you do some research, you’ll also find that the evidence that said contest was rigged and that Zach should have won it is quite convincing. Either way, I’m really hoping I can talk to him for the Badass Project because he’s fucking hilarious.

All of Zach’s videos are great, so if these grab you, subscribe to his YouTube channel.

PART 1: Texas state capitol


PART 2: Mt. Bonnell


PART 3: “Keep Austin Weird” festival


#4 The spider drawing

Lastly, I ran into this years ago, but Matthew Kimberley reminded me about it again and I laughed just as hard re-reading it now.

> > The spider drawing

So, I hope you have an unproductive but amusing day.

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  1. Ha ha, those Zach videos are superb!

  2. Johnny says:

    “Mt. Bonnell is completely handicap accessible if you have two guys willing to carry you up a thousand feet in 100 degree heat.”

  3. I get a mention in a post called “An Unproductive Waste of Time” just a couple of weeks after Jade Craven calls me “the intimidating blowjob guy”.

    These are ALL going in my testimonials folder …

  4. Johnny says:

    Would you like me to link to you using the anchor text “an unproductive waste of time” so that you get some Google ranking?

    And I’m going to need a link to Jade’s mention. Sounds like gold.

  5. Mmm .. bad publicity … no such thing … untapped niche … monetization strategies … thinking hat …

    Jades slightly defamatory but largely complimentary thing:

  6. I should think that if you’re going to waste time by playing poker, that you should also waste some time learning to play better. Win/win.

  7. Jade Craven says:

    I’m never writing a post when exhausted again. Normally I censor my stupid crap.

    And it’s not defamatory 😛 When I’m tired I use lame stuff to remember. Get a grip made me think of that. Don’t get me started on how I described Sid Savara to close friends after he gave me a banana.

  8. These are great!

    Here is another one that brought me to tears:

    A snippet:

    “”A bouncer in Birmingham hit me in the face with a crescent wrench five times. And my wife’s boyfriend broke my jaw with a fencepost. So if you don’t buy a trailer from me, it ain’t gonna hurt my feelings”.

    Hope you don’t mind me posting the link. I assure you it is truly an unproductive waste of time!

  9. Andy Fogarty says:

    I’m sending the spider thing to everyone I know. Hello spam.

    It’s freak’n hilarious.

  10. I’ve just discovered your stuff recently, Johnny. It’s great reading. I particularly like the way you can say a whole bunch of nothing… and yet make it compelling!

  11. Johnny says:

    I still don’t understand why Matthew is the blowjob guy. And maybe I don’t want to know.

    @ Jeff – I actually didn’t find that funny… I found it genius! I’d buy a home from that guy if I were in the market for one. I swear, you don’t have to lie to people to sell stuff.

    @ Blog Novelist – I’m like the Seinfeld of blogging.