I do two basic things.
You could be here looking for two totally different guys, but lucky you… I am both of them. So let’s talk about me and my two sides. I can do that, because this is my site.
The two things I do are writing novels and talking about becoming “Legendary,” which is my own hard-edged, punch-you-in-the-face-because-I-love-you brand of human potential and personal development.
Let’s talk about each in turn, shall we?
Firstly, I write novels.
I’ve got a fairly impressive roster of books for sale today, but it didn’t use to be that way. Let’s take a journey in the Way-Back Machine…
Writing was my first love. I remember banging out a story on my grandmother’s typewriter when I was like eight. All I remember about this story was that some guy was pushed into a super electric fence and exploded. This may or may not have been my first attempt at a story, because around the same time, I wrote a story about my cat Bob (who was female) and my stuffed dinosaur Stegy. This story contained the iconic line, “God jod Bob. I blev we ned this jod.” It also contained the epiphany that “Bob was to dom.”
Fast forward to high school, where I wrote a column for the newspaper. One of these spoke about how Barney was evil. (Ironic, looking back, that so much of my early writing centered around dinosaurs.)
I wrote my first real novel in 1999, while I was going what the experts call “shit out of my motherfucking mind” working a job that was stealing my soul. I wrote it as a way of reliving my happier days in college, then tried to submit it for publication, then gave up because nobody can actually make money selling stories. At least not in 2000, they couldn’t.
In 2012, I dusted off that old manuscript, gave it a severe edit, and published it on Amazon. That book is now The Bialy Pimps and is my personal favorite out of all of my books. It didn’t sell many copies at first, because I didn’t know what I was doing. I didn’t understand that you can’t “publish and pray” anymore, and that while you can indeed make money selling stories today, you actually have to work your ass off to make it happen.
Fortunately, I had a friend, Sean Platt, who was working with a partner and actually damn near making a full-time living publishing fiction. I told Sean that we should do a podcast about self-publishing, despite the fact that I’d done it exactly once. Sean told me that he and his partner Dave were already planning to do a podcast. In retrospect, I now realize that Sean and Dave would NEVER have started that podcast, but at the time I did what felt like butting in, and together we launched the Self Publishing Podcast… and then later, Better Off Undead.
After a few months, I started to feel like a total poseur next to Sean and Dave. I had published one book. They had published seven billion. And so I totally stole an idea from Dave and wrote Fat Vampire, which you can get for free here. It took me less than a month to do it, which showed me that I could write fast if I wanted to. So, the next month, I did it again and wrote Fat Vampire 2.
At this point, Sean started to get wood over my prolificness and we began talking about co-authoring a project together. The opportunity presented itself when Dave presented another idea for us to steal by saying that it was impossible to write a western without doing research. Sean and I told him that if we put a unicorn in the story, we could get away with anything. So, laughing our fool asses off, we began writing the Unicorn Western series (and again, you can get the first book free here), which is intended as a book for kids but which is awesome for adults too, much like Harry Potter.
Unicorn Western became our first opus. We got so carried away that we nearly wrote a quarter-million-word joke at Dave’s expense. But we didn’t do that. Eventually cooler heads prevailed and instead, we decided to alter our plan and write three quarters of a million words as a joke on Dave. Dave’s reply was, “I hate you all.”
Then Sean and I did our super awesome sci-fi political thriller The Beam, which was an idea so big and a world so huge that not only did Sean and I blow our minds writing it, but we also had to invite a bunch of our other writer friends to write stories in the world with us. Now that’s big. (By the way, if you’d like to check out The Beam, you can get the first episode for free here on Amazon and here on Kobo.)
I’ll leave this part vague because I’ll never remember to update this and I don’t want it to be too dated, but let’s just say that Fat Vampire (for adults) became a successful six-book series and that The Beam (also for adults) became a successful ongoing serial and that Unicorn Western (for kids and adults) became this big stupid monster that I still think is the most awesome and badass dumb idea I’ve ever had the pleasure to experience. Then I wrote other stuff.
You can check out all of my books here on Amazon and you can search for me on the other stores. I’m most places. Every single one of my books is more awesome than a camel with six cigarettes in its mouth firing a shotgun at robots while it goes off a ski jump in an El Camino with Ted Nugent.
If you want to get the cheapest prices on my books or simply follow my fiction, you can join my mailing list here.
Secondly, I teach people how to be Legendary.
Devoting your life to becoming “Legendary” is basically about being as awesome as you can be, in as many areas as possible, in a totally realistic and achievable no-bullshit way. Imagine a slightly more abrasive Tony Robbins and you’ll have the basic idea.
To get an idea what I mean, here’s an article that lists some of my own “Legendary” pursuits.
I wrote a fuckload above about being a novelist above and am now tired of typing, so at this point I’ll just direct you to my How To Be Legendary manifesto, which is free to download, for more information.
I also run a membership community filled with very cool, very driven, very dedicated people called Everyday Legendary. It’s quite inexpensive and is designed to help you get your head out of your ass and make real change, complete with a lot of support and accountability from like-minded peers. You can learn more about the Everyday Legendary community here.
And of course, because I can’t resist the impulse to talk a lot about this topic either, I started a podcast with “Impossible” guy Joel Runyon called Bigger Better Stronger Faster, which is all about this kind of thing.
If you like the manifesto and the podcast and dig the idea behind my membership community, you will like my blog. I’d read the following three posts as a kind of trial by fire, to get you quickly steeped in Johnny-think: The Universe Doesn’t Give a Flying Fuck About You, You Are Dying and Your World is a Lie, and Disobey. Oh, and if you’re the kind of person who makes excuses, read this. It’ll smack you back to reality.
This site is a fun place. I hope you dig it.